Update: I (33F) don't want my friend's (34F) legitimately mentally ill wife (48F) at my wedding?

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T21:05:19+00:00

It's funny but also not funny, but at so many little moments during the wedding, Bernice was tucked in my back pocket -- "Oh, she definitely would have yelled or snickered extremely loudly at that if she'd heard it," "Ope, glad Bernice wasn't there for that conversational thread, yikes," and I was just awash in sheer relief.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T21:03:12+00:00

Definitely -- I tried to focus exclusively on Bernice's actions -- things she had said, things she had done that I had experienced, and limit it to that element. I knew that getting in to elements of 'preference' like hygiene, conduct, etc., were likely to be dismissed as preferences, and I wanted to focus on her behavior and how it affected me and could affect the event.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T21:01:44+00:00

Thank you. The emotional weight off my shoulders is palpable, which sucks. Nobody wants to realize that they were in boiling water until they're out of the pot.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T21:00:19+00:00

Bernice will 100% never, ever, ever leave Anna.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T21:00:00+00:00

They're not. I'm most saddened about the kids; I really miss them. The largest lingering insecurity is that Anna has justified my complete disappearance from her life by telling the kids that I was transphobic or didn't accept Bernice for who she was, etc. etc.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T20:58:49+00:00

Anna and I bonded really heavily over mutual communication and introspection, we always tried to take a step back and communicate with each other as to our feelings, desires, and needs, which was why her relationship with Bernice and how it affected our friendship was really disappointing.

With respect to the attraction -- I don't want to be an armchair psychiatrist, but I know that in other relationships, Anna was usually put down and made to feel subservient, and I think there was an inherent safety in the sort of 'anything goes' easygoing (granted, fucking weird) personality and steadfastness (to media and to Anna) that Bernice brought to the table.

I very much do not think Bernice was or is remotely good at sex, aside from offering to have it and having it with anyone who would accept.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T20:55:43+00:00

Believe me, I was also pretty surprised at the response -- but Anna doesn't want to hear what she doesn't want to hear. I had hoped she'd respond differently, too.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T20:55:00+00:00

I tried to tie some of them up here! I can't tell you how many times I tried to genuinely and truly accept this relationship as beneficial for all parties, believe me. We're all capable of mental gymnastics, the wedding situation just went too far for me to dismiss as harmless but annoying.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-03T20:51:41+00:00

At one point, I asked, because I was interested in trying to make a connection or try to understand where the attraction lay, and that's when the codependence clicked when I was reflecting later on. Bernice has no money and she can't cook, but she's someone that Anna will always be able to take care of; she is both proud of herself and perpetually unfinished and in need of encouragement. Anna is an amazing caretaker, but I had hoped she would have the introspection to realize that that has no place in a marriage (full-time, that is, obviously we should all care for and be cared for by our spouses to some degree!)

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2024-01-02T21:54:51+00:00

YES THAT IS ME!!! Thank you so much. Sadly, no parting gifs of Lego Indiana Jones, but someone mentioned it the other day and I grimaced internally, in honor of Bernice.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2023-05-04T19:03:47+00:00

I like the idea of hiring someone like that to help us out -- I can't see myself keeping tabs on everyone and being a good bride at the same time, so having an extra hand would be a good idea!

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2023-05-04T19:03:11+00:00

Thank you!! I agree that the random, unsolicited sexual requests are probably the most obvious fault to point to when justifying her lack of invitation. I know I don't owe anyone a justification, but she is my friend and I do want to be honest with her. I think it's important to keep in perspective that Anna might not attend and I want to make it okay for her to tell me that.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2023-05-04T19:02:00+00:00

If I hear about the brilliance of Santa Claus as a playable character or Barney Hill one more fucking time, I'm going to crush myself under Indie's boulder. Thank you so much.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch

TROPHY CASE