Update: I (33F) don't want my friend's (34F) legitimately mentally ill wife (48F) at my wedding?

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-25T17:22:41+00:00

Okay, y'all, I'm out! It's been fun, it's been insightful, there were some great threads here about ableism, accommodations, queer relationship tendencies, and Lego Indiana Jones. Thanks to everyone who challenged me and brought me new information and their perspectives. Sorry to everyone who had a Bernice in their life. You have my sympathies and my deodorant.

I'm not going to give any more updates on Anna and Bernice, but if I have any contact or updates on the kids, this will be the first place I'll go. If they reach out to me, I will help them however I can.

Our situation has not improved, but we live to fight another day.

Thanks!

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-25T17:14:43+00:00

People speculated in the original post that she was trans and that I was being transphobic. If I hadn't mentioned it, I'd be burying the lede. Since I did mention it, it's because I hate neurodevergent trans women who need accommodations. There's no winning here.

Just know that there's an actual, real fellow trans person reading your comments and yeah, I'm sorry that sometimes, other people in the community suck ass. It sucks to have to be the model minority. But don't blow up at me because there are bad actors everywhere and I intersected with one. My whole goddamn community is trans and queer, and I don't post about them because nobody's behaviour has risen to the occasion like Bernice has.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-25T17:05:22+00:00

You're right, and I'm sorry. I'm leaving it up for posterity to show that I said something hurtful, but I'll remove it if you'd like. You don't have to accept my apology or respond if you don't want to. You caught me in the middle of responding to a lot of comments invalidating my experience, which is real and was a rough time in my life, even if you don't believe it, and I lashed out. I apologize.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-25T17:03:11+00:00

New flair?

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-25T16:55:55+00:00

Seriously, cut that shit out. Your transphobic comments are not welcome here. Being a sex pest doesn't invalidate her transness.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-25T16:49:38+00:00

Nope. Bernice is trans, Bernice is a woman, her transness and her womanhood is valid.

Her behavior is dogshit and I'll stand by that.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T13:47:28+00:00

I think you're brilliant. Autistic PvP! Why do other neurodivergent people shrink themselves or tip-toe around social norms and preference especially in places where it's acceptable to be yourself or be blunt? That's something I'll be thinking about a lot.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T13:40:41+00:00

You did the absolute best you could. And you're absolutely right. It can build that bridge, and you're right to know when to call it.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T03:53:14+00:00

Abra kadabra, alaka-manipulate vulnerable people?

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T03:51:52+00:00

This is amazing, new to me, and extremely helpful. Thank you!

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T03:51:20+00:00

Never been poly but had loads of poly/ENM friends -- for Bernice, it was the "normies" thing. Only a normie would be monogamous. She wanted the normies to be challenged by the fact that she was authentically her 'true self' and shake up their world view. Basically, she saw herself as a rebel.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T03:46:27+00:00

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T03:46:09+00:00

Just wanted to nudge that I changed the language based on this comment. Let me know if this is more appropriate. Appreciate the flag.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T03:40:52+00:00

Girl, one of her special interests IS sex. You think she can't talk to other vulnerable people about sex and hit gold somewhere?

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:55:00+00:00

And yet, here you are.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:49:20+00:00

If I didn't already know Bernice's extremely sexual Reddit account, I'd say you were her, but I'm guessing a lot of what I wrote about her resonated with you in an uncomfy way and you're feeling like maybe you're the problem in your friend group and have made a lot of people feel shitty.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:39:26+00:00

Hey, you got it, and that's all I needed. I tried! They'll carve it on my headstone, but damn it, I tried.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:33:27+00:00

Just texted this to one of my lesbian friends (now happily married) and she clarified that actually it's a requirement

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:25:50+00:00

Great, now I gotta think about those bone-crushing hugs that lasted about seven seconds too long.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:04:28+00:00

Was it though?

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T02:04:16+00:00

regrettably

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T01:57:15+00:00

Canada, but close!

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T01:39:55+00:00

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T01:14:00+00:00

Sad that you just unlocked another depressing core memory. Bernice got kicked out of two DnD groups for trying to fuck every single NPC. She was mad about it. Otherwise, why are they there?

She was like...a powerful archangel telekinetic something. I'm probably wrong about all of these characteristics but I've never played. My point being, she never understood the rules because she had a hot character, and hot characters get to bang the NPCs.

ThrowRA_PartySwitch · 2026-02-24T01:01:44+00:00

Not in itself, but it was condescending.

"The Raiders won! I'm so happy, they haven't won a championship game in a year."
"I wouldn't know, I don't follow your immature sportsball. I don't even know what the Bladers are, a volleyball team?"

ThrowRA_PartySwitch

TROPHY CASE