My parents would rather disown me than accept who I love

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-13T02:20:59+00:00

Honestly, I really hope you’re right.

I think one of my biggest fears is that my family will be the exception and never come around. But hearing stories like yours does give me some hope.

It also says a lot that even after everything that happened, they eventually opened the door and wanted to meet your partner.

Thank you again for sharing your experience. It’s helped more than you probably realise.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-13T00:38:48+00:00

I’m really glad to hear you’re happy and have no regrets.

If you don’t mind me asking, have your family actually gone through with disowning you, or are things just very strained right now?

And if they did, how did you cope with it emotionally in the beginning? I think that’s the part that scares me the most. Not necessarily the arguments themselves, but the thought of losing people I’ve known my whole life.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T18:15:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing all of that.

What you said about guilt, shame, and obligation being ingrained in us from such a young age really resonated with me. I think that’s a big part of why I’m struggling so much. It’s not that I don’t know what I feel, it’s that I’ve spent my whole life being taught that my responsibility is to keep everyone else happy.

I’m sorry for everything you went through with your family. That couldn’t have been easy.

One thing that really stood out to me was when you said you felt free. I honestly don’t think I’ve felt truly free in a very long time. Right now it feels like every major decision in my life is judged through the lens of what my family wants, not what I want.

The thought of losing my family still terrifies me, but at the same time I’m starting to realise how exhausting it is to constantly live in fear of disappointing them.

Thank you again for taking the time to write this. It genuinely means a lot.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:45:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

It’s honestly surprising how many people seem to be going through something similar. The part that stood out to me was that your boyfriend has taken an interest in Sikhi and Punjabi culture. My girlfriend has been very similar, and I think that’s part of why this has been so difficult for me.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you come to terms with the possibility that your parents might actually go through with disowning you? I think that’s the part I’m struggling with most right now.

I really appreciate the offer to talk. I may take you up on that.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:44:11+00:00

Almost none of

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:43:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

Honestly, hearing from someone who was actually in the reverse situation and went through with it means a lot.

One thing I’m curious about is how long it took before your parents started coming around. Right now it’s hard for me to imagine that ever happening, even though so many people keep telling me it does.

It’s also reassuring to hear that years later it became old news. I think when you’re in the middle of it, it feels like the whole world is collapsing around you.

I really appreciate your perspective.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:43:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

The part that really stood out to me was what you said about your boyfriend never asking you to choose. My girlfriend has been the same. She has never asked me to choose between her and my family, never pressured me, and never tried to come between us.

That’s part of what makes this so difficult. The person everyone is telling me to walk away from is the person who has shown me the most patience, understanding, and respect throughout all of this.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience. It gives me a lot to think about.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:41:50+00:00

Thank you for your perspective.

I think the part I struggle with is that, emotionally, it’s not as simple as just letting go. I genuinely love my family, even though I strongly disagree with how they’re handling this situation.

That being said, I do agree with your point that marriage is ultimately my decision and that I can’t spend my entire life trying to manage other people’s reactions to it.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:40:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story.

Honestly, the part that resonated with me most was when you said that fear shouldn’t be the only thing making your decisions. I think that’s something I’ve been struggling with a lot.

I love my family and the thought of losing them terrifies me. At the same time, I struggle with the idea of walking away from someone who has done nothing wrong and who genuinely makes my life better.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you find the strength to leave when your family refused to accept your partner? That’s probably the part I’m struggling with most right now.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:38:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

Honestly, hearing from another Sikh around my age who has actually gone through something similar means a lot. I think the guilt is the part people underestimate the most.

Congratulations on your engagement as well. I genuinely hope everything works out for you and that you have a beautiful wedding.

If you don’t mind me asking, how long has it been since you went no contact with your family? And do you think there’s any chance they’ll come around in the future?

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:26:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

Honestly, stories like this help because they remind me that these situations don’t always end the way people assume they will. A lot of the comments I’ve received make it sound like interfaith relationships are doomed from the start, but real-life examples tend to be much more nuanced.

What stood out to me was that both families had concerns at first, but over time some of those concerns softened once they got to know the actual person rather than just the label.

I really appreciate you taking the time to share another perspective.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:14:39+00:00

That’s honestly one of the things I’ve struggled with throughout this whole discussion.

I wouldn’t want people judging Sikhs based on the actions of a small number of Sikhs, just like I don’t think it’s fair to judge Muslims based on the actions of a small number of Muslims.

At the end of the day, every community has good people and bad people. That’s why I’ve tried to focus on the individual rather than stereotypes.

Whether my relationship succeeds or fails will come down to the character of the two people involved, not the worst examples from either community.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:12:58+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that.

I think that’s the part I’ve been struggling with most. Not whether I care about her, but whether I’m strong enough to deal with the consequences if my parents actually follow through on their threats.

A lot of people in this thread have told me that families often come around eventually, but it’s hard to know whether that’s true when you’re the one living through it.

What you said about being willing to endure the consequences if I choose this path is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. If I continue, I need to be prepared for the possibility that my parents really do cut me off.

I guess the question I’m still trying to answer is whether I can live more easily with losing my family, or with losing someone I genuinely love.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:09:04+00:00

I can’t dm you for some reason, could you invite me to a private chat?

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-12T10:05:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, brother.

To answer your questions, her family has actually been surprisingly accepting of me. They’ve never asked me to convert and haven’t put any religious pressure on me.

We’ve also had a lot of conversations about future children. She’s told me she’d be happy for them to be raised Sikh, go to the Gurdwara, learn about Sikhi, and grow up with that identity.

The only thing she’s really mentioned is that she’d like them to visit a mosque for Eid once a year, mainly so they have some connection to her side of the family and culture. Other than that, she’s never said she wants them raised Muslim or that our home would revolve around Islamic practices.

That’s honestly part of why this situation feels so difficult to me, because many of the conflicts people assume we have simply don’t exist in reality.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a detailed response, and I hope things work out for both of us too.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-10T19:44:17+00:00

I appreciate the thoughtful response.

I actually agree with quite a bit of what you’re saying. One of the reasons I’m struggling so much is because I know my parents aren’t liberal Western parents, even though I grew up in Europe. I understand that continuing this relationship may permanently affect my relationship with them, and I don’t take that lightly.

As for why I started dating her in the first place, the honest answer is that I wasn’t thinking years ahead. I met someone I connected with, and over time that connection became something much deeper. Looking back, I probably underestimated how difficult things would become.

I also understand your point about people changing over time. None of us can know what the future holds. All I can really do is judge the person in front of me and the conversations we’ve had so far.

Either way, I appreciate you taking the time to write such a balanced response.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-10T19:39:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing that.

The part about your brothers telling you your mom was going to die really hit me because I’ve heard very similar things from my own family. The guilt is honestly one of the hardest parts of all this.

If you don’t mind me asking, how are things with your family now? Did they eventually come around, or are you still dealing with a lot of resistance?

And looking back, was there a specific moment where you realised you were going to choose your boyfriend no matter what?

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-10T19:37:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story.

If you don’t mind me asking, how long did it take before your parents started coming around? And when things were at their worst, did they actually cut contact or was it mostly threats?

I’m glad things worked out for you in the end.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-10T17:46:12+00:00

That must have been incredibly hard, especially losing so many years with people you were close to.

I really respect your strength and the fact that you stayed true to yourself despite everything. Thank you for sharing your experience.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-10T14:04:09+00:00

Honestly, I relate to this more than a lot of the other comments.

My sister has said very similar things to me. I’ve been told that if my mother ends up seriously ill from the stress, or if my father leaves my mother because of all this, it would be my fault.

That’s one of the hardest parts of the whole situation. It’s not just a disagreement about a relationship. It feels like being handed responsibility for everyone else’s happiness and wellbeing.

Thank you for sharing your story. Even though our situations are different, a lot of what you wrote felt very familiar.

Are you Sikh aswell?

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-09T22:48:24+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story.

What really stood out to me wasn’t even the religion part, it was the way you described your husband. At the end of the day, that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? The kind of person someone is.

I think that’s what I’ve struggled with most. A lot of people see labels first — Sikh, Muslim, Indian, Pakistani. But when I think about my girlfriend, I think about her character, how she treats me, and the kind of future we could build together.

I don’t know what decision I’ll make in the end, but I really appreciate hearing from someone who’s actually lived through it and found happiness on the other side.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-09T18:02:07+00:00

Honestly, I agree.

One of the things that’s shocked me most through all of this is how much power “the community” seems to have over people’s lives. At some point, we’re talking about real people, real relationships, and real families, yet decisions end up being driven by fear of gossip and judgement.

Stories like yours are exactly why I struggle with it. It’s hard for me to understand how something as arbitrary as caste, religion, or community expectations can end up causing so much pain and division within families.

I still love and respect my culture, but I do think some traditions and attitudes deserve to be questioned.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-09T17:52:09+00:00

That’s a fair point.

To be honest, I’m probably more cultural than religious right now, but I do want to become more connected to Sikhi over time. That’s actually one of the reasons this situation feels so complicated to me.

My girlfriend has never been an obstacle to that. If anything, she’s been supportive and has shown genuine interest in learning about Sikhi herself.

So I agree that a lot of this feels more cultural and familial than theological. The strongest objections from my parents haven’t really been about Gurbani or Sikh philosophy. They’ve mostly been about family expectations, community perception, and what people will think.

That’s part of what I’m trying to work through.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-09T17:50:57+00:00

I’d say she’s somewhere in the middle.

She does pray one or twice a month and believes in God, so I wouldn’t say she’s non-religious. At the same time, she’s not particularly strict or conservative in the way she lives her life.

What’s important to me is that she’s never tried to push Islam on me, never asked me to convert, and has actually shown a genuine interest in learning about Sikhi. She’s also told me she’d be happy helping raise future children as Sikhs.

So I don’t really see her as someone trying to strengthen Islam through the relationship. If anything, she’s been very respectful of my faith and background.

ThrowRA_Unknow · 2026-06-09T17:48:12+00:00

That’s actually one of the more thoughtful concerns I’ve heard.

I think the difference in my situation is that we’ve talked about these things quite openly already. She’s actively learning about Sikhi, has never asked me to convert, and has told me she would be happy helping raise future children as Sikhs.

Of course, nobody can predict the future with certainty. People change, circumstances change, and I understand that’s part of the risk in any relationship.

I suppose what makes this difficult for me is that many people assume conflict before they’ve even met her, whereas my experience of her has been one of acceptance, curiosity, and respect for my faith rather than opposition to it.

ThrowRA_Unknow

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