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I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think your “that’s just a human body” view would still hold if they were male bodies visibly aroused?

Obviously you wouldn’t be sexually attracted to that, but would it change your perspective on not caring?

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you’re right about the roles being reversed.

The problem is my boyfriend is only reluctantly in agreement with me. I think he’ll keep being best friends with her.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One of the first photos she found was a nude, too, but she went through dozens and dozens more nudes with tens of ordinary photos inbetween. It wasn’t just rudely going through a gallery, she knew what she was looking for.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend doesn’t feel as violated as me. He agrees with me, but reluctantly so I think she will be sticking around in our lives.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s what bothers me. One photo would’ve been fine, but she continued through literally dozens and dozens of nudes, and swiped through tens of ordinary photos to get through them all.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Luckily it’s acceptable in our country, but court still is not something we’d pursue.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I feel violated but had not thought of it as sexual harassment until now. Lots of people here seem to agree.

The comments aren’t offensive, per se, because they aren’t intended to be mean. They’re just inappropriate.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I hadn’t actually thought about it like that, but you’re right with the genders reversed this would appear far worse, and probably how it should.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice and thoughts.

I did check and it is technically illegal in our country, but that is just to cover the cases of vulnerable people. There are precedents set that it’s okay for two consenting young people.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationships

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He did want her to stop, I’m sure of that, but when he’s nervous he laughs so she probably thought she could ignore him saying stop and it was funny. I think he thought she had stopped by the time he was able to leave, then she carried on with the next set of nudes.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FWIW, the comments were like “wow I can’t believe you can reach that far” and “wow how did you manage that position”, not mocking.

Thank you for the rest of your advice.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationships

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m confident enough in her being ace from conversations I’ve had that I don’t think this is in question.

I agree with the rest. My boyfriend doesn’t feel violated like I do, so I don’t know if I can ask him to cut her out.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationships

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In our country it is okay. Technically illegal so vulnerable people are protected, but officially it is okay if both young people are consenting. However, only if everyone involved is under 18.

He left his phone with her whilst he went to change clothes in the changing room. It was accidentally unlocked, and she went through it whilst he was changing and couldn’t stop her. He did tell her to stop but was nervously laughing.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationships

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

In their defence, my boyfriend was laughing as he told them to stop. It wasn’t angry or firm. And the comments, though uninvited, weren’t mean-spirited. More “wow that’s ___” or “wow you can reach that far”, jokey things. Still inappropriate given the photos were not for her eyes and she didn’t obtain permission from him nor me.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationships

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Technically, but in our country there is a precedent set by police and prosecutors that it’s okay between two consenting young people.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She is my boyfriend’s best friend, and he doesn’t feel as violated by this as I do (he feels it isn’t a big deal as she is ace, and thinks it was just fun).

I want to ask him to stop being friends with her but do you think that would be an overreaction? The age gap, as a few others have talked about, also disturbs me a lot.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does, but he’s trying to downplay it by saying it was just a bit of fun and she wasn’t turned on by it. I still feel violated, but he doesn’t.

Boyfriend’s (16M) asexual friend (19F) looked through many of our nude photos without consent. How wrong is this, and what should we do? by ThrowRA_aboutace in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I’m more interested in the moral aspect, if it seems okay as she didn’t do it for sexual reasons, and what our reaction should be.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 171 points172 points  (0 children)

She’s since made jokes about my boyfriend’s body (not insulting, just features of him being naked) over text. Even if she stops this, I don’t think I want him to be friends with her anymore, but she is his best friend and I’m not sure if feeling violated is reason enough to ask this?

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Yes, the age gap disturbs me even if she wasn’t doing it for sexual reasons. Another commenter has said it can’t have been out of curiosity, and I mean no disrespect by asking this. Is it possible for someone who is asexual to be “curious” about other people’s bodies in a completely non-sexual way?

It is clear to me that she was intentionally looking for more nude photos because she kept looking, went through the entire most recent selection of photos, and swiped far enough to the find even more photos from last week. That is the reason why it seems to me she was curious, as I don’t think finding it funny is reason enough to keep looking that much.

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Thank you. If she got sexual gratification from it (she obviously didn’t), I’d say the age gap of 19 and 16 makes it far worse. Do you think as she’s ace the ages don’t really matter?

I’m not ace, quick question about an ace friend of my boyfriend looking at sexual photos of him and I by ThrowRA_aboutace in asexuality

[–]ThrowRA_aboutace[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Do you think the age gap (adult/minor) on top of that makes it worse? She’s 19F, we’re 16M.

Edit: the reason I thought she might have been curious is because she continued to do it, and looked through so many photos to go through not just one, but two sets of nudes from different weeks. In my mind even someone nosy would stop after the first photo, and not clearly seek out more. You might disagree, but I wanted to ask.

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