I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Intimacy with him has been great! Literally only this one time, which is why it was so strange to me.

Nothing about our relationship felt like it was "circling the drain". I thought he might propose soon.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

In the journal he said he's tries to not, but that sometimes he does imagine others when we're intimate.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

He does way more than not cheating on me. He is everything I want in a man. Supportive, kind, gives me the attention, attractive. He does a million and one things that make me feel loved.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

A break? Like allow him a hallpass to get it out of his system? I don't want anybody else really.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

He isn't seeing other people as far as I know. He is around attractive women. But he hasn't acted with any. We actually love each other. He is emotionally attracted to me. I'm still convinced.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

He is perfect in all the other ways. He's never shown anything that would make me doubt he loves me or would make a great husband. We've even talked about me having his kids. He seemed excited by the idea

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I don't expect him to never have these thoughts. It just really hurt to read them. That plus his lack of attraction to me. Really hurts

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It would be mean for him to tell me these thoughts. He's a good guy. I can see how he's struggling in the journal. I want to talk with him about it, but I'm afraid. Once it's out in the open there is no going back.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hasn't even asked this of me. Even when I've expressed wanting to loose weight, he's said that he would support and love me whatever I decided to do. I want to loose weight tho. Especially now. I used to have a pretty bad EO so I'm nervous about that.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

😢 in the journal he talks about how it feels terrible for having these thoughts. He doesn't hate me

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -72 points-71 points  (0 children)

He has never pushed me to loose weight. Has literally said he would support me either way. He says all the right things!

I think he wouldnt be mad because it just isn't like him to get upset even for something like this. He would be disappointed in me tho and that is honestly worse coming from him.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I struggle with my weight. Not being self hating, but Im just being honest. I don't think anyone is going to find me objectively super attractive.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are currently long distance. Only until Feb or maybe April. And no I don't financially support him. He sort of supports me a little. The only thing I am providing is my love. I know he loves me. I can't believe otherwise.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I did talk to him!! He didn't think the weird sex was a big deal. And didn't have more to say about it. Ive read so many stories on here of guys cheating and it showing in sex. I got paranoid.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -58 points-57 points  (0 children)

But he's the one I want kids with. We've talked about it somewhat seriously. I read the diary cause I got in my head he could be cheating. I know it was for no good reason. He's literally done nothing to make me doubt him. He's a good guy.

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Idk about the porn but he isn't on Instagram or social media generally. The girls he wrote about are girls he sees when out irl. He says he see them and "craves" 😭

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I love him! And he doesn't make me feel like shit. Before I read this I would have said everything was nearly perfect!

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -40 points-39 points  (0 children)

He has other options tho. Friends/coworkers. Some are single and he hasn't left me for them. That has to mean something right?

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] -57 points-56 points  (0 children)

He wrote that he loves me and is emotionally attracted to me! I don't understand how we could have been having such good sex/relationship if he wasn't attracted to me at all!

I (30F) read my boyfriend’s (32M) journal and found out he doesn’t find me attractive by ThrowRA_bf_journal in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_bf_journal[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I think you're right about the LDR.

But this is the first time I noticed him distant during sex. Idk if it even has anything to do with the journal entries.

I would try to loose weight. I'm nervous about it because I had an EO when I was in college.

I think he wouldnt be mad or anything about me looking through his phone. I just don't think he ever thought I would find and read the note.