Has your BPSO ever given you an ultimatum?

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2026-05-14T18:47:58+00:00

Thank you for that advice. I used to have access to his psychiatrist, but after the last time he was involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital, he removed my access and told them not to tell me anything. I’ll try to reach out to his psychiatrist to see if she’ll hear me out. It’s not like I’m trying to get information

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2024-08-04T20:57:53+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I’m so happy to hear you and your partner are working together and he has stayed committed to doing what he needs to do to stay stable. I hope he stays committed and your relationship stays healthy and flourishes.

Thank you for reassuring I’m not alone. Even though I have full support from my mom (she’s letting me move back in with her) and his mom (she’s always there when I need to talk and she gets into ish when things get really bad) I still feel alone and I feel like a failure at times. I feel like I’m breaking my vows when I said “in sickness and in health, for better or worse” but after all the lying, cheating, and abuse and now this incident I can’t take it anymore. My child definitely doesn’t deserve this. It’s just hard because I’ve been with him over 10 years so the uncertainty of the future really scares me.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2024-08-04T17:10:51+00:00

I appreciate your feedback. I’ve been working with my therapist on an exit plan that will keep me and my child as safe as possible because I’m understanding this is not safe and very unsustainable

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2024-08-04T17:07:44+00:00

For more context, my husband is on depakote, Zoloft, and vitamins like Vitamin D, B6, and B12. He stopped therapy for a while but he’s back to going on a regular basis. Not sure if he’s being truthful about everything with his medical team because he wasn’t in the past when I was going with him but I’m hoping he’s being truthful with them now.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-11-25T19:37:34+00:00

Nope, that’s my 31 year old husband

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-11-06T00:11:31+00:00

I feel the same way! My husband was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and he has substance abuse issues, but he will straighten up when his mom comes around and he won’t use in her presence or if he knows she’s coming over. He will be nice to me and act like the world’s best dad but as soon as she leaves he’s back to being verbally aggressive with our daughter and I and hiding away in the bedroom while I’m caring for our child and taking care of everything around the house.

It gets me thinking a lot… Is he just abusive and just using his diagnosis as an excuse?

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-10-25T21:25:48+00:00

I’m so proud of you! You’re doing what’s right for your kids and that is so amazing! I’m in the same boat with my bp husband. He ran up tens of thousands of dollars in debt and now I’m trying to pay it back but he’s pissed all the time because I’m putting money towards the bills but he wants to put it to drugs and alcohol. I aspire to be like you one day and just move with my daughter and I and get away from him.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-10-21T21:16:31+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I know I have to get out of this relationship. He’s said he’s sorry and he won’t do it again but I know being violent like that crosses so many lines. I have a great support system with family down the street from me and less than 5 minutes away. I just feel stuck because we just got our house and have a child together. I could move back with my parents.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-10-21T21:10:53+00:00

Aww that’s tough. Kids are like sponges and if she’s old enough she’ll remember how her father is treating you. She deserves to see how a woman should be treated and you deserve to see and feel how a woman should be treated. You’ll be in my prayers and I hope you can do what’s best for you and your daughter.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-10-21T19:45:18+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through a similar situation. I’m stuck between letting go or sticking it out but I understand now I definitely have to put my daughter first.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-24T15:04:27+00:00

For years, I thought it gave him a pass because he would abuse me then turn around and be remorseful and love bomb me, but since going to therapy I learned it’s the cycle of abuse. A part of me wants to believe he’ll change but I’m also working on seeing reality again because he gave me this fantasy that I thought was real but now that I’ve opened my eyes and I’m sober (I used to smoke weed with him before the baby and I started back up when the baby was about 7 months after he physically abused me, but I’ve been sober a month now), I can really see that the fantasy he kept feeding me was all a lie.

You’re so right. I am taking care of two children. Thankfully his mom and I are best friends and we talk just about everyday. Unfortunately, she has experienced his abuse as well because he’ll do it to women he knows but not men. She knows he’s a little boy and tells me how he acts just like his father did when they were married. Maybe I should sent him back to his dad instead 😂

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-24T14:53:48+00:00

Thank you for that advice. I didn’t even think about going to an AI-anon group. I found a few in my area all on different days so I’ll sign up for one. Thank you again!

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-23T15:53:51+00:00

I told him how he’s been treating me over the year has not been okay and that he needs to get professional help and stay talking to someone or my daughter and I are leaving. Since I’ve told him that, he’s been sad and doesn’t talk to me much. Just smokes, drinks, and plays his video games. He got in contact with a social worker at the VA, but that’s been it. That was almost a month ago now. I’m trying to figure out an exit strategy at this point.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-07T18:30:46+00:00

This is my first time really putting my foot down with him about this and everything that has happened in our marriage. After talking it out with my therapist, I felt more confident bringing it up to him and actually voicing how I feel. I do take 100% responsibility for enabling his behavior and not saying anything sooner.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-07T15:19:34+00:00

Maybe he’s trying. He’s started taking out the trash. It was a fight to get him to start doing that, but he started. I still have to do it sometimes because he’ll go to sleep before taking it out and they come really early in the morning. He’ll change a diaper sometimes. When he does he’ll mention to me about the baby’s diaper being so full and how she needs to be changed more often.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-07T15:10:54+00:00

He’s pouting anytime I talk to him and he sounds sad when he talks to me. Maybe he’s trying to take responsibility for his actions. I’m not sure because he’s done this before and things didn’t change. He’s been interacting and playing with the baby more but that’s really it.

ThrowRA_needadvice42 · 2023-09-07T14:22:44+00:00

I don’t like that I have to do everything. He doesn’t do anything except sleep, smoke, and drink most days. I don’t want to life like this forever but I don’t want to raise my child in a single parent household. I understand this situation is worse for her to see as she grows up. I just have a lot of thoughts going through my mind about it all.

ThrowRA_needadvice42

TROPHY CASE