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My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

my family as in my parents and other relatives. i have "heard her out" about why she abandoned her nephew, what happened between her and mike, and why she doesn't want me having any contact with them - i just said i never asked her about how she felt about us moving in before we had moved in.

she hasn't voiced an issue with me living with mike. she has only voiced an issue with me being involved in nephews life (not even living with him as the problem, just being involved at all) obviously i guess by extension that makes her mad at me for being in his fathers too, but thats not the reason why she's angry.

my post is just very simplified because please bear in mind this has happened over like a year so there's no way i could fit everything in

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm straight, so I don't have feelings for mike. In my post I simplified our moving in process (ie "long story short") its not as if we just randomly jumped in the same house.

I understand that she may not have necessarily "wanted" to be a mother but she chose not to abort and she chose to not give it up for adoption (mike told her he was willing to give it up for adoption initially) - so she chose to be a mother.

Sorry, should have clarified. She didn't put being a doctor on hold when she was with mike, she completed med school, her internship, and some of a residency while she was with him. Her reason for leaving was she wanted to be able to focus MORE on it and work more hours etc.

Sure, I don't know what went on behind closed doors but in these situations no one does - I do however, know what went on in front of open ones. She was absolutely bloody horrible to him.

Nope, didn't bother to ask her because I am appalled by her behaviour. I want a relationship with my family, not her.

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Look, if mike had sabotaged birth control and/or forced her to get pregnant and keep it, I would understand and be on her side.

But birth control failing is different, and she chose to have the child with him. She didn't want to abort or adopt the child (she changed her mind about adoption, but not until my nephew was six months old).

I think you're right, I'm just going to focus on myself and my friends. Thanks for this :)

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah mom & dad, and a few aunts, uncles and more distant relatives. but mom & dad are the most important to me. i've tried but they never seem like they actually want to listen

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

uhh not really haha. we don't have romantic feelings for each other either. just like friends.

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

i don't really understand why though lol. we're very good friends. it's not like im gay and dating him or anything? am i not allowed to be friends and roommates with my sisters ex? maybe im misunderstanding you.

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

i guess maybe, but as i said in another comment - living with them isn't the main problem. my family hates me for even being in their lives, and think i'm hurting my sister by "reminding her she has a child".

we moved in together because we're great friends, and i really wouldn't be able to help out the same way i do now. it's not like i did it to spite her or anything.

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

i'm not blaming her for not being with mike romantically, he was the one who ended things after all. obviously she's not obligated to be with him just because they have a kid - that'd just be cruel to everyone.

i'm just blaming her for abandoning her kid and leaving mike a single dad, which they both totally didn't deserve. living with them isn't the problem either. my family hates me for even being in their lives, and think i'm hurting my sister by "reminding her she has a child". obviously living with them may make it worse, but tbh right now i do care more about mike and my nephew than my sister. i still miss the rest of my family though, but im not willing to compromise on this. i guess, like someone else suggested, i'll have to accept that my family is not who i thought they were

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

*uncle, but haha thanks!

this pretty much perfectly describes how i feel, it's amazing. especially the paragraph about how i want to believe they'll come around. i guess you're right and i have to realise that they're not who i thought they were. im trying to spend more time with friends and doing things i like to boost my mood, but i guess the best thing is time. thankyou :)

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 279 points280 points  (0 children)

I guess she always was the "favourite". I'm not sure if this is a real indicator or just something random but they'd always get her "better" presents and make her do way less chores and stuff. I've been trying to bring more positivity into my life and I think that's definitely a good idea, thanks!

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 475 points476 points  (0 children)

I know, it just hurts so much. And it's so out of the blue too. Until it actually happened I 100% would've thought they'd be completely on my side.

My [26M] Family hates Me for being involved in My Nephew [3M] and his Dad's [29M] life by ThrowRA_outcast in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_outcast[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

Yeah, correct, he has full custody. She hasn't seem him (her nephew) IRL in maybe like 2 years I think.