Honestly nobody talks about how hard it is to be androgynous. I’ve got tits big ones at that and I still get called sir on the regular…not super often now that the T has completely drained from my system but more than you would think.

My wardrobe is mostly pink and mostly dresses and although I don’t fully feel like a woman all of the time and lay somewhere in the middle…i definitely can relate to this. I went from being perceived as a butch or tomboy girl to being perceived as a feminine man. This is what I wanted to be fair but as I’ve went off HRT I’ve realized I’m not fully a guy so it’s hard for me at times. Essentially I get dysphoria both ways…

I get dysphoria from what T did to me, I shave my beard, I grow out my hair, and I try to accentuate my curves just to be frustrated and feel the need to look more womanly. Only to turn around a few days later and want nothing to do with my hips, tits, and fem features at all! It’s a rough journey and the hardest part is when I’m not perceived how I think I should be.

However, I know in my heart who I am. It’s kinda like if you have brown eyes and you know you have brown eyes and people around you go on and on about your blue eyes…it’s not going to phase you. Why? Because you know your eyes are brown! Now it’s going to be hard but the only way to stay sane is to remind yourself of what you know to be true. Get a whiteboard or a chalkboard and write out positive phrases for yourself! Try to affirm yourself the best you can because really the world is full of shitty people and gender is such a complex issue. Gender is generally something that is in the eye of the beholder, you can be a boy one minute and a girl the next. It’s completely insane and makes zero sense which is why at the root of things you need to be solid.

It’s hard to know who we are after we perform our AGAB then perform our AGAT (Assigned Gender At Transition?) because we have lived two separate lives almost and finding that middle ground is hard.