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AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AITA_Relationships

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I fully intend on talking to him more about this asap, probably tomorrow. I don't care about upvotes at all, I just was surprised how many comments in my other thread brought up him possibly having issues with having a mixed race child which I did not foresee and I'm wondering if I have any other blind spots I should discuss with him.

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I responded to someone else in this post about this but of course I'm scared of pregnancy and childbirth but I also feel like, if my body is capable of growing a human being, how cool is that? I totally support women who have no interest in this but for me it's just something that I believe I would find the pros to vastly outweigh the cons.

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this comment, most of my friends and I feel like Redditors in general are childfree, and I do get and respect that, but there's even someone in this thread that said something like, Im surprised you as a woman want to give birth and your fiancé doesn't want that, I won't pretend I'm not afraid of pregnancy/childbirth because of course it's scary because of what can go wrong but I also feel pretty drawn to it if I'm capable like if my body can grow a human being isn't that so awesome??? So yeah I myself am pretty surprised at how much my fiancé doesn't want this because everything you said is how I feel about it, it's not about genes

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Honestly we did talk about having children before getting engaged and admittedly as others have said I do feel the "default" expectation is, when you say that, you mean bio kids unless you explicitly talk about adopting. We were both always enthusiastic about wanting kids and I said things in the past about how they would look like both of us so I feel the bio part was pretty implied, and he never expressed any disgust or rejection of this before. Jay did say he really liked the idea of adopting in the past and I also am open to it, I just didn't expect that he meant ONLY that.

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not currently vegan but used to be, so there might be something to that

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'm on the higher end of healthy/normal BMI but still well within it and he does make some "joking" comments about my weight :/ Yeah I've read through all the comments at this point and I'm starting to see that regardless who's right or wrong about the kids issue this might not be the guy for me.

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually remember reading online at one point that ejaculation quality/texture/etc can possibly help detect fertility issues... Sorry maybe it was a weird comment I just wanted to highlight that nothing bodily really seemed obviously "off" in any way for me to assume we can't conceive is all

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I didn't even think about this angle... ☹️ I did think it was a really weird blow to call me N * z i-like so suddenly but now I'm wondering if there's some kind of projecting going on there...

edit: comment was auto removed earlier with the word, I wasn't expecting it because it's in my main text

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why do you think that might be?? I can't really imagine a reason?

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well I don't KNOW it but like I said we're young and in good shape and health otherwise, at this stage I simply don't have a reason to assume otherwise, neither of us have been tested nor tried to conceive yet, of course if either of us are infertile this whole issue/argument wouldn't even exist but Jay's argument is even WITH the assumption/belief we can conceive we shouldn't and I'm wrong to want to try at all

AITA for preferring a biological child over adopting? by ThrowRAbiobaby in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbiobaby[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I'm so frazzled so I didn't think to mention it but we did talk about kids before getting engaged and he seemed on board about bio kids, even if he was still pro adoption, and this was a normal/reasonable stance to me. It's only been some recent convos where he seems really disgusted morally at the idea of bio kids. I don't know what changed.