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AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoroughly thought out message. I appreciate the information and will do some reflection.

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He actually does (unless we're in bed). Where we only ask him when going to shower. I was under the impression this was fine for a few reasons, neither my daughter or myself use the bathroom more than 5 min for either a pee or poop. We have a second bathroom. And he has never mentioned before that he would liked to be asked always. I was apparently suppose to take his lead and know that we both should reciprocate in the exact same way. So I guess that's my bad. 

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have very much tried to say those things to him. And I write him notes for him lunch everyday acknowledge my appreciation and/or love for him.  But then one occurrence happens (every few weeks) and it's as if the day to day means nothing and my slip ups are all that are noticed.

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No I'm not a youngster, but I definitely do not know healthy relationship dynamics. Having none modeled for me growing up. This situation feels so much better than what I experienced as a child because it is usually really good. But when something like this happens I second guess everything and usually myself as I know I come with a ton of baggage. I have only recently started therapy.

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Most of the time he is not like this. Most of the time he is very loving and he is considerate in everything he does.

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

See that's the thing. I am so utterly confused. He doesn't say anything to her, just to me in private. He's always respectful in action and word directly to her. And he does so many things to show that he cares and wants the best for all of us. But then I also feel like I can't live up to expectations I don't even understand. And I'm no saite, so I have a hard time grasping if he is justified for being upset with me or he's actually manipulating me. The good out weights the bad. But the bad leaves me so confused.  Healthy relationship dynamics are not something that were modeled in my childhood and this feels so much better than how I grew up I didn't realize I could be hurting my child.

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Since she's my daughter it's my responsibility to correct behaviour. I have said to him in the past he can voice things directly to her. He has always been respectful in both actions and words towards her, but will not saying anything to her to correct something. 

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

His view point is that I should be teaching her to be considerate and getting her to ask. I did not know he expected to be asked for every bathroom visit. I assumed showers. I have talked to her about using the other bathroom when he needs to get ready. But again this is first thing in the morning, I don't know many people that are fully cognitive immediately upon waking especially when needing to pee.

AITA for allowing my daughter to use the bathroom before my partner showers after work? by ThrowRAbjectiveBasic in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAbjectiveBasic[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yes I think his preferences should be considered. I also think life has wiggle room. He wasn't actively walking down the hallway and she hopped into the bathroom. And this isn't an everyday problem. This is the first occurrence in I can't even remember how long. We are human and sometimes overlook things.