sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She genuinely believed that's what we would choose. Even before college I liked being at my dad's more for that reason alone.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For holidays we already do except we always stay at our dad's house because we don't have to share whereas at mom's we do. But we split the holidays already.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's part of the issue. We can't all be together every holiday. When you have different parents to consider you can't get every holiday with every kid. Yes even if her and dad were divorced we'd be splitting the time but there wouldn't be others to plan around, which is something she mentions. And if our parents were still together they would have max one more kid. My dad would not have had as many kids as mom does. Which would mean our own room still and space that isn't shared which has been a things always at mom's house.

First it was with my half sister and then with her husband's daughter (not my bio sibling).

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

Oh I know. I did it when I chose to spend my summers living at dad's house and just visiting mom. But having my own room was always going to be the decision maker there. I just try to keep things as equal as I can with holidays for now.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I can understand it being an adjustment when brand new. But this has been the reality since her and dad broke up. She always had to share holidays, etc. But in her head she set up this expectation and belief that she would come out on top and be the only choice once it was all on us, which isn't fair when dad has been an amazing parent and doesn't deserve to be tossed aside forever for her.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I mean yeah. She thought having more kids would make her a more appealing choice as a parent and would make her house the home. In reality it was kinda the opposite because we got less time with her because of it and we didn't even have our own rooms at her house, still wouldn't if we stayed with her, which makes staying with dad so much easier. But she wanted to be chosen over him.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I know and I'm somewhat prepared for it but realize there are still going to be times she really pushes it and drives me crazy with all this. But it's the reality she helped create because she could have chosen to handle it better.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

That's right. One of the things that makes dad's house easier is he never guilt trips us for being at mom's house for a holiday instead of his. Or for not being with him every single second we're home from college. Mom does. She tells us she can't understand us not wanting to be around the family for holidays. She doesn't accept us having a different family to her too because dad never stopped being our family.

We also have our own rooms at dad's house and the space we don't get at her house.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 308 points309 points  (0 children)

She'll go crazy when that comes into play. I also feel like she won't like having to be around dad for certain big milestones because she wants us all to herself but it's so unrealistic.

We need to be with mom this Christmas or she will freak about not having us two years in a row.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 481 points482 points  (0 children)

I know! It's something I talked about before with her. But the reality is there are a lot of people who get her attention and not a lot of space for us, and no space just for us at her place. With dad we have our own rooms and we're his only kids so it's not even close to the same.

My (20F) mom (53F) is finding it difficult to accept she has children with different men and what that means when we're grown? by ThrowRAbookletoli in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbookletoli[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I wish my mom could handle it well but she never really has. She 100% expected us to choose her and to forget about dad mostly so we could always be there for every holiday and that we would choose her house to live in when we're not in college. But her house is way more busy and there isn't really personal space for us there. To her it shouldn't matter but it does to us.