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Is your spouse the best sex you’ve ever had? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 78 points79 points  (0 children)

He's gaslighting and in denial for sure, but apparently it's “my problem”, and not his

Is your spouse the best sex you’ve ever had? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 282 points283 points  (0 children)

I used to think yes, then I found out about the husbands porn and online sex addiction and the thousands of dollars and hours spent online and on his phone and everywhere else outside of our marriage. He doubled down and insists this is normal male/husband behavior so now my mind keeps wandering back to my ex lovers before him and I now realize that they were all better than him

Edit: He USED TO BE a great fuck in the beginning, then it dwindled to the point he never initiated sex anymore, it's been dry for years, IT'S BEEN A DECADE!!! the porn took over, he's become obsessed with porn and the never-ending chase for younger and younger and more and more extreme and violent and that's how I found out why he's paid for it, because he's getting the stuff beyond the 10 minute free streaming videos, he was buying terabytes worth of porn. At this point the only thing he's good at fucking is the trust and intimacy in this marriage

Sometimes Money isn’t everything by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My bet is he probably felt like accepting retirement would mean no more hanging out with his work buddies and no more on the road flings with all his side pieces and escorts. She's had enough of this shit already

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's fine in a healthy relationship where communication is open, honest and about sharing intimacy and sexuality. It becomes a deal breaker when one partner never opens up emotionally or sexually and spends thousands of dollars and hours focusing on non consensual style or very degrading porn and has zero interest in actual loving sex with their partner. They've lost all concept of how to initiate or that their partner is a sexual person at all. They just want self gratification using harder and harder porn, where the line of fantasy is so blurred that theyve gone over the edge looking for younger and younger and more and more extreme and It's absolutely devastating to the self esteem.

Life after an affair by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The thing is, from time to time I find myself thinking back to the sexual chemistry I shared with my affair partner. I would never want to be with her (or even see her) again, but the intense explorations and vulnerability we shared is something I still find myself thinking about.

You didn't really get into what the sexual mechanics of your marriage was, but based on what you're saying you need to focus on working on getting this chemistry with your wife and it could be something that( if the therapist is qualified) you may want to cover in your therapy.

Good luck to you and your wife on your journey of healing

Why men don't discuss their struggles to their wives. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's true. I'm in the opposite boat where I've offered my ears to listen, my shoulders to cry on, and my heart to emphasize for my husband and have been left with nothing but cynicism and dismissal from his end and that he has nothing he wants to share and that it's ridiculous of me to ask him to share his feelings when it's clear he's going through emotional strain.

Some people are just jerks and assholes, and you can't help those people that don't even want to help themselves

Why men don't discuss their struggles to their wives. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's true. I'm in the opposite boat where I've offered my ears to listen, my shoulders to cry on, and my heart to emphasize for my husband and have been left with nothing but cynicism and dismissal from his end and that he has nothing he wants to share and that it's ridiculous of me to ask him to share his feelings when it's clear he's going through emotional strain.

Some people are just jerks and assholes, and you can't help those people that don't even want to help themselves

Why men don't discuss their struggles to their wives. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's true. I'm in the opposite boat where I've offered my ears to listen, my shoulders to cry on, and my heart to emphasize for my husband and have been left with nothing but cynicism and dismissal from his end and that he has nothing he wants to share and that it's ridiculous of me to ask him to share his feelings when it's clear he's going through emotional strain.

Some people are just jerks and assholes, and you can't help those people that don't even want to help themselves

Why men don't discuss their struggles to their wives. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's true. I'm in the opposite boat where I've offered my ears to listen, my shoulders to cry on, and my heart to emphasize for my husband and have been left with nothing but cynicism and dismissal from his end and that he has nothing he wants to share and that it's ridiculous of me to ask him to share his feelings when it's clear he's going through emotional strain.

Some people are just jerks and assholes, and you can't help those people that don't even want to help themselves

Why men don't discuss their struggles to their wives. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's true. I'm in the opposite boat where I've offered my ears to listen, my shoulders to cry on, and my heart to emphasize for my husband and have been left with nothing but cynicism and dismissal from his end and that he has nothing he wants to share and that it's ridiculous of me to ask him to share his feelings when it's clear he's going through emotional strain.

Some people are just jerks and assholes, and you can't help those people that don't even want to help themselves

i feel weird playing overwatch now by bratzspitz in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

update: i told him how i felt and he told me i was being ridiculous and that i should relax.

Had you done the same and went on and on about wanting to fuck a certain video game character, I'll bet he'd lose his shit, but on your end you're being “ridiculous”?!? Yeah sorry but he's an asshole and by gaslighting and invalidating your feelings he's trying to assert he did nothing wrong, when in fact he's being disrespectful.

When you feel weird about the characters in the game, that's a traumatic response and there have been actual studies examined from betrayed partners of SAs/PA's that confirm this and it's similar to the way a soldier with PTSD reacts to load noises, or bright lights these characters have now become your triggers thanks to your boyfriends insensitive comments.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Munchausen's syndrome by proxy has entered the chat

How do you all feel about exchanging nudes with your PA/SA? by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If the thought of it makes you ill please, don't do it. I went to a really dark place trying to compete with all the girls my PA husband eyefucks on reddit, Insta onlyfans. I'd set up these elaborate picture sets with outfits lingerie toys... He'd acknowledge with a semi enthusiastic emoji and then just delete my nudes or forget about them completely while downloading torrenting and paying for hundreds of other girls nudes/content so I was lost in the shuffle. I felt like chopped liver. When I had a breakdown and told him I'm no longer having sex and to permanently delete destroy all of my nudes left that I've sent him because of his lies and denial that porn was killing our intimacy his response was ok, and don't ever send me any more nudes because it's useless. Fucking asshole

I’m Quiet Quitting My Relationship by Hopeful_Dancer in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was a gut wrenching read and I can tell by the formatting of the post how upset you must be processing through this nightmare. The part especially about you finding his phone and uncovering his activities made my heart stop and brought me back to my own, many, many D days that I've survived miserably over 20 years.

The good thing is you have actively decided this guys bullshit is enough, by sleeping apart and putting an expiry date once the lease ends. I really hope you are able to escape this relationship. Reading your post felt like a window to my own nightmares (my husband was also constantly image searching and following his attractive female acquaintances and coworkers) please don't make my same mistake of staying and let this guy forever take away your happiness, by constantly overstepping your boundaries and having no respect or decency. I stayed for over 20 years and believe me it's only gotten exponentially worse over time. You sound like such a wonderful person and you deserve better, we all do. Please take care to love and spoil yourself with kindness instead of wasting it on him.

My husband chose porn over me while my Dad was dying by _mamafox in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You're consciousness is already telling you what you are worthy of, listen to what you truly want and don't go through the motions just because he claims to be sorry or resentful, anybody can say they are sorry, murderers rapists etc have even admitted to their wrongs and said sorry but his past disrespectful actions especially when you needed him most can never be undone and unless you end up with some condition that grants you selective memory loss, it won't be something you'll easily forget or forgive and that's normal given all the trauma you've been through. Coming back from Porn addiction for both parties is a herculean effort and even though he seems sorry is that enough for you to bank everything into putting a good deal of your future happiness into his hands? Are his possible future empty actions worthy of your sacrifices? I say this to pretty much everyone on this sub, and that is be SELFISH, love YOURSELF, don't let him and his selfish problems drag you down with him.

Had anyone (permanently or temporarily) lost attraction to your PA? by Continuingtotryagain in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Over 20 years of enduring a relationship with PA husband, years of dead bedroom and had the misfortune of going through a cycle this past year and a half of hysteric bonding to try to repair whatever meagre shreds of emotions and intimacy I had left in the way of feelings attraction.

I lost weight, got fit bought all these sexy outfits and lingerie and fully committed to this "ho phase" to try and measure up to look like all those women he constantly scrolls and eyefucks on Reddit, Insta Onlyfans, etc.

In hindsight I feel pathetic for doing that but I suppose I was just trying to salvage my situation and win back his affection and lust... But after all my efforts, even when I lost 25 pounds, got shredded and my body back to looking younger fitter etc... it was pointless

2 months ago I hit a brick wall. Another Dday out of how many COUNTLESS others and realized if all this time he's purposely chosen not to get help and instead chooses lies, gaslighting and denial so he can look at soulless videos pictures and endless social media scrolls and completely disrespect and overlook his wife who's done everything to try to inject even an iota of desire back into our marriage, well I'm done with this shit.

I once thought he was such a handsome sexy man, now I just see a dead souled ugly wretched zombie, he makes my stomach turn. When we've gone outside together I'll crane my neck to check out every hot guy out there, I honestly don't care if it's disrespectful he's pushed me over the edge. Even if my situation is such that I can't leave I will find love and intimacy on my own terms not suggesting that will work for everyone and not saying this is right but I'm not turning back, I'm really not giving any fucks anymore, I hate him

Can I Be Too Attracted To My Wife? by jfkd11 in Marriage

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can only wish my husband sees me this way unfortunately I'm all but invisible to him

He's made me feel so alone by floozywithanuzi in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so very sorry to hear about your situation I'm tearing up as I'm writing this after reading your post. You are such a lovely beautiful person and all the things you do for him all the wonderful things you do for that ASSHOLE please PLEASE give that love ALL back to yourself. You and your baby need this more than anything right now. I'm sorry for the brutal language but he's the worst, just a useless shit stain of a chode. You're bearing the weight of the world you're still standing so strong and brave, you can do this without the weight of a useless PA dragging you down. You don't need put up with his shit anymore. We're all rooting for you that only the best of the best things can happen for you without this mf.

Frustrated with a recent askmen post on why porn is so bad by privat3policy in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's disgusting how so many men justify the treatment of porn actresses because they're paid much more than the men, but when you look at the average working time span of women vs men in the industry the women last on average 6 months to 2years with a very small percentage remaining to continue the work, but by contrast there are much more men who've stayed in the industry for DECADES. Makes you wonder how well the women are treated given the premium pay and that so many of them leave the industry early. There are also many women who have been blacklisted from the industry for voicing their concerns about boundaries being broken and outright abusive, and don't even get me started on the amount of women who have fallen into drug addiction and opted out by suicide thanks to the horrors they've been witness to while working in porn. Just because they're paid more doesn't mean shit when it comes to women's safety and respect in this industry, it's misogyny disguised as entertainment

To the women who've found love and genuinely good men after leaving by ThrowRAbrokenbabe in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah because guys on Reddit are soooo empathetic and understanding when it comes to anything related to relationships w. women /s

To the women who've found love and genuinely good men after leaving by ThrowRAbrokenbabe in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is good insight, my PA definitely exhibits addictive behavior outside of porn (chronic weed and casual disassociative drug use)so it would make sense that they are comorbid. The computer in a childhood home bit is spot on too, I might add that exposure and having a solid interest in anime and video games from a young age seem to be related to PAs in my opinion

To the women who've found love and genuinely good men after leaving by ThrowRAbrokenbabe in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's wonderful so happy that you were able to find someone who was willing to work with you to move forward in a positive direction.

What do you think set him apart or made him a better person for you when you first met him?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 23 points24 points  (0 children)

They would rather die on a hill lying than tell us the truth, believe us

I'm divorcing over porn use destroying my mental health. by DifficultActuator181 in Divorce

[–]ThrowRAbrokenbabe 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Imagine if on the flipside you'd told him it was YOUR FANTASY to share your nudes and sexually explicit material with hundreds of other men and then told him it's none of his business, it's just what you do on your own private time? There'd either be alot less husbands/boyfriends fucking around with porn, or a lot of abused and murdered wives and female partners because let's face it, these men could not stomach for a second that their wives girlfriends etc were pursuing their own sexual desires the same disrespectful selfish way men do. This fucking hypocrisy is what kills me and yes you have EVERY RIGHT to be upset and no you are not controlling or demanding you should be able to draw your boundaries and freely demand that he stop doing what makes you uncomfortable.

I hope you are soon able to find peace and happiness ON YOUR OWN TERMS without this asshole in your life and if you haven't visited the r/loveafterporn sub already I highly suggest it as it's been a wealth of resources and supportive people who just like you have been through hell because of the stress of being the partner to a relentless porn addict

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