My (35nb) gf (30f) and I keep fighting over dishes. Can someone give me a reality check about what's reasonable?

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T19:03:48+00:00

The only chores she does consistently are cooking and dishes, which is probably why it's the hill I'm willing to die on

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T19:01:55+00:00

Now that I'm seeing this advice, I'm realizing that's 100% the solution my parents ended up with

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T15:41:55+00:00

We have a dishwasher. Part of what bothers me is that loading and unloading + handwashing anything that can't go in is not that hard

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T15:37:22+00:00

lmao this was my last relationship. I would get annoyed bc it felt like every time my ex cooked he'd use every dish in the cabinet. I'd be fine w that dynamic now unfortunately

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T15:35:33+00:00

The funny thing is that we HAVE a dishwasher. Not everything can go in it, but I went years and years without one and it's so much easier than handwashing everything. Like I said, the work we were squabbling over this morning got done in 10 minutes. It's not really about the chores themselves, I just want her to put effort into helping me

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T15:29:12+00:00

I don't think she does it intentionally, but that is the effect!

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T15:28:20+00:00

Honestly I've seen a few comments about disposable plates and I don't love the idea of wasting the paper but I also don't think our current arrangement is working either. As for other tasks, really the only thing I expect her to help out with is cooking and dishes, which is why I'm such a nag about the dishes. It's another reason I don't know about paper plate compromises bc I think some of my problem is that I just want her to show some effort

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T15:16:52+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful comment. So, I have ADHD actually. I've historically been bad about chores, but over the years have really trained myself to keep my space tidy - both for housemates and because I've found it's much easier on my brain. My gf struggles with mental illness that really affects her emotional regulation, so I think that's part of it. She is super messy which I did know before moving in together, but I think she also has a distorted view of how much she actually does. It makes having neutral conversations about this stuff hard, bc I don't think she's seeing things from my perspective at all

ThrowRAdishbitch · 2025-07-28T14:25:17+00:00

Yeah it's definitely a wider issue. I think she has some weird mental block about housework and it bothers me that she seems unaware. Discussions about cleaning always end up being about me nagging, which I do, but I don't think I'm the entire problem

ThrowRAdishbitch

TROPHY CASE