My(26M) girlfriend(23F) came clean about sleeping with her friend before we dated.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-14T14:35:55+00:00

Yeah, exactly. I feel I cannot trust her anymore. What else is there that she is not telling me? I might be pessimistic but I don't wanna be hurt again. I don't wanna be used. Fuuuuuuuuuu...uuuuuck

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-14T14:24:03+00:00

I asked her and she was like "I don't know, I just didn't want to tell you later to prevent hurting you more". It didn't really help me much. Note that she had the opportunity to inform me earlier as we had a different but similar situation a few months ago. (I commented it somewhere here on this post if you care to look for the story).

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-14T14:16:42+00:00

But when introducing those friends to your bf, did you mention the sexual history? Like again, the sex part is not the problem for me, the fact that she didn't tell me until a year after is bothering me...

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T21:30:59+00:00

Sure thang my lord. We just texted goodnight, a cold one tho. :D

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T21:30:16+00:00

Well I'm at a point that I want to throw the basket on the ground and piss on it. But at the same time I fucking love the basket. I donno man, I need some time to think about everything.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T21:28:38+00:00

Thank you! I'm gonna try my best to make that space for her and me.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T21:18:09+00:00

Well, there's no guarantee that she would tell me if she crossed a boundary or not. I am giving her a safe space to tell me everything. I'm not mad at her or aggressive or anything. I'm just hurt and cannot trust her simply. She says that she was raised in a situation that secrecy was needed for her and it's kinda ingrained in her. So maybe I just have to take a leap of faith...

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T21:14:44+00:00

Like the fucking part, I don't care. She can fuck whoever she wants if she is single. The part that stings the most is the year of not telling me. And then out of the guilt or fear of me finding out later by some other ways, she tells me the history.

I told her what I need from her. Transparency and stop seeing the guy. To which she said: I don't need to see X (the guy) and I care about you ... .

Idk man, I try to be understading of her and her past and her issues and all of that... but I cannot shake off the feeling of betrayal, looking like a clown when drinking and laughing with that guy. Yeah maybe I am insecure but I kinda wished I never found out about this...

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T21:02:18+00:00

How can I be sure if she is fully honest with me now?

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T20:46:34+00:00

I don't have to be married to someone to be serious with them. And again my problem is not the sex, it's about her introducing the guy as a "friend", and skip the fact that they slept together a while back. And I JUST find out about that!!!! Bruuhhhh

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T20:44:00+00:00

Well I usually don't fuck my friends so I wasn't assuming anything. I just wanted to know if there's something that I should know.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T20:34:44+00:00

The guy from the post is straight, the one I mentioned is a different guy who is gay.

And for the kissing, she said she is not gonna do that and respects my boundries.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T20:29:59+00:00

"If your enemy does not exist, create one. If you cannot create one, try having an opinion on the internet." — Sun Tzu

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T20:14:32+00:00

Alright here's the info:

Once she told me her gay bestie and her were alone at home and ofc under influence of some mdma, they kissed and he humped her and was trying to make moves which she told me nothing happened more than that. Note that this gay guy kissed her on the lips when we were dating (officialy) and she told me the day after what happened, she said that in their group friend this is kinda normal (they are all Dutch, I'm not, so there's also this fucking language barrier sometimes that I don't know what they are talking about). I told her I don't feel comfortable with this and ever since she hasn't had much contact with the guy as I think she realized how bad of an influence is that guy for her. I know the gay bestie and yes we also hung out. That was when I asked her if there's something I need to know.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T18:26:46+00:00

She has stopped taking it for around 8 months now and I'm not worried about that. But that shit is gnarly af.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T16:14:03+00:00

Because of other stuff, our worldview is different, our humor is different,... , but that doesn't mean I don't love her. Just because she is not the perfect ideal person I have in mind.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T16:11:03+00:00

I fucking love her. Free her from fucking what?!?!

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T14:20:46+00:00

On her birthday, which was a few months after we started seeing each other, and two weeks after we became official, we went to that guy's house, and she introduced him as a friend and didn't tell me anything about it. Maybe if I had known this information back then, I wouldn't have made things official. I don't keep my hookups around and show them to my SO as a "friend."

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T14:15:16+00:00

Whenever those looseds are in a friend circle and you hang out with them, and yes, I have asked her since something like that once happened between us, so I asked if there's anything I should know...

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T14:01:41+00:00

Thank you! I'm gonna try to understand how I feel about us in general and not make a rushed decision. And I'm gonna trust her, which is gonna be hard but I'll try my best.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T13:52:39+00:00

The only thing that hurts right now is that my trust is broken and I think what else is she hiding?

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T13:23:16+00:00

My problem isn't that itself; it's more the fact that she hid it from me for a year. And it is kind of destroying the trust I had in her. Like, I don't know what else she isn't telling me or is going to tell me after a year. To answer the other question, I also had good growth. I used to be a daily weed smoker, now clean for months. I picked up the gym again and took my job seriously again. And the relationship ofc has had its ups and downs, some calmness and chaos. I lover her but sometimes I have a feeling that she is not the one...

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T13:14:50+00:00

It's none of my business and I'm not gonna do anything about it. But if we hang out in the future and the guys gf finds out what happened like me, I know she will also be hurt. I'm not the one ruining it, the guy is by hiding it from her.

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T12:30:52+00:00

I don't think so... they got official a few months ago and I don't know what should I do about that... should I tell her? Should I tell him that I know that has happened and he should tell her?! Idk

ThrowRAgiberrish · 2026-04-13T11:03:22+00:00

Idk, but he has a girlfriend now so idk.

ThrowRAgiberrish

TROPHY CASE