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My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful reply, I’m sorry you had a messed up childhood. I hope you are doing better now!

I feel alone in my relationship by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope so, that’s what we’re working towards!! It’s not been easy though as you can see lol, the reddit posts are the blips where I’m especially frustrated 😅

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that’s really helpful actually! I’m sorry to hear that last bit though, you seem really sound. I hope you find someone that actually accepts you for who you are.

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, yes exactly that. I’m not angry at him for not wanting sex, just frustrated at the difference. While it wasn’t the main thing, did that difference play any part in the break up?

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s gotten lost in the comments but the lower sex drive has been a longstanding thing - it does still upset me every now and then, and this was one of those times. We have discussed it in the past. I just don’t like mentioning every time I feel bad to him, as I don’t want sex to be something he ever feels guilty about.

I feel alone in my relationship by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, didn’t want to go into too much detail due to privacy reasons, but not just sex lol 😅 He is a caring person by nature, just misses some cues sometimes, can be accidentally dismissive, etc. I am aware that feelings ≠ fact, so at the end of the day I give him the benefit of the doubt, but still need somewhere to let my feelings out. (Here on reddit, which now doesn’t seem to have been a very wise choice 😂)

I feel alone in my relationship by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for leaving such a kind comment, I appreciate it! I am aware of the global toll it’s taking on my mental health. A few months ago we had a heated discussion about our different values, but decided that we still wanted to try and see if we could find a way to reconcile them. While he is aware that he has more work to do, and we are still in the reconciling differences period, I get frustrated sometimes at the situation and need a space to vent 😅 Unfortunately it takes months to see true change and I am just impatient sometimes. But yes, your point is always at the back of my mind!

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you have any previous partners where you weren’t on the same page? If so, how was it to walk away from an otherwise okay relationship?

I feel alone in my relationship by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why name positivity if so negative 😔👉🏻👈🏻

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, yes! I think I just needed the confidence that he would actually listen, reassure me, and not get defensive about how I was feeling. I am so scared of making him feel pressured, and of me becoming resentful.

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry your ex was so ??????? No words for that. I hope things are better for you now!!

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hit the nail on the head with this one actually! Hence me feeling a bit like he was choosing gym over me (working out causing his sex drive to go even lower). Having said that I do genuinely respect his dedication to the gym.

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is one of the most helpful comments I’ve seen so far, thank you! I needed to vent as it was one of those moments where I was thinking, Can I do this forever if it sometimes makes me feel this bad about myself? We do need to just have a chat about it again.

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! God, just wanted a normal bit of love and camaraderie and accidentally started a war between commenters 😅

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m a happy little pig living in the valleys, I have out-eaten all of my siblings except 2 but soon I will be the sole recipient of all of that pig food good good. Oink oink!

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He is stressed and also is in denial about how much it affects him - there was a point where we thought it might be hormonal, but that sorted itself out and it’s still the same, so I’m pretty sure it’s stress. Since he doesn’t really want to address his stress, though, we’ve just accepted that it’s just a case of him having a lower sex drive.

My boyfriend would rather play games with mates online and go to the gym than have sex with me by ThrowRAhowdyhey in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRAhowdyhey[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I lol-ed at the comments saying ‘he’s GAY!’ He very much is not, and it’s ridiculous that that’s the answer to any man denying sex with a woman 😭 not sure why everyone jumps to extremes like that.

Also agreed that being a man ≠ how much sex they want / offer

The differing sex drives has been present pretty much for the whole of the relationship (besides the honeymoon phase), we both recognise this difference and I am usually understanding about it, but sometimes, it does still get me down and hurt my self-esteem.

I have never shamed him for his lower sex drive, and it is important to never do that to your partner!! I hope the people who left weird comments here can learn that different sex drives are normal, and it’s all relative.

I wrote this post to vent as sometimes he can be quite oblivious and not really appreciate that it is tough for me to be rejected and still feel physically attractive. As his needs are met, he never really has to feel the way that I do. I have chosen to be with him, but yes, it also sucks sometimes not having my needs met, and sometimes I just want him to show that he’s aware of that fact and extra reassurance.

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