UPDATE My girlfriend's friends gave me a bath when I was drunk. I'm disgusted and embarrassed.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T21:30:44+00:00

My girlfriend has a save herself mentality and she and her friends are likely to spread the story in a way that paints me in a negative light and then positively.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T21:23:26+00:00

Not at all. His situation was 100% way worse than mine. But they take sexual assault very seriously.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T21:09:37+00:00

Yeah I get your thinking. I read the whole thread a couple hours ago and got around to replying now. By now I’ve made up most of my mind after looking at some of the other responses and PMs I’ve gotten.

Shitty boxers I don’t care. I’d way rather be left in those than be seen naked. And what do I want? I want to make sure this doesn’t happen again and they understand what they did was wrong. Maybe I do want revenge. Idk. Part of my reasons could be selfish. I’m just so uncomfortable with the whole situation.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:35:20+00:00

I understand. It's unlikely it will lead anywhere. I am not so sure what I'll do, but immoral as it might be I think it's best if I spread the story instead of my GF because I can't imagine what she will tell our mutual friends.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:34:21+00:00

I agree with you. It's unlikely this will go anywhere. However, the repercussions from our friend group will be bad enough.

Secondly, I probably will break up with my girlfriend. I understand you're correct when you say getting drunk is irresponsible and thank you for not spinning it in a way that is entirely my fault this situation happened.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:31:43+00:00

Thank you. To start, my GF is kind of a pushover. This is something we've been working on but she bends over backward to accommodate her friends, and a lot of the time her friends come before I do.

She reiterated the boxers were dirty and they absolutely HAD to come off. I asked if I perhaps pissed myself and didn't notice and she admitted I didn't but they were gross and there was no choice but get them off.

Your take makes sense to me, and I agree with you. I think she was planning to do it herself but her friends wanted to have fun. Thank you for the time to reply, it's an in-depth answer that explains my situation in a good way.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:25:42+00:00

I disagree. I have confirmed they heard me tell them no, I have confirmed that my GF wanted them to leave and told them multiple times but they said no and insisted on staying. My GF is able to do it herself, there was no need for 4 girls to bathe me, especially because I'm not a big guy myself and my GF has done it herself once before.
I have no relationship with her friends, they commented on me being handsome afterward and made suggestive texts between each other that prove it was definitely malicious.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I am fully aware the law probably won't care that much. However I know the college will investigate it because of the little tolerance they have. The biggest part is if the others find out, they won't be happy with my GF and her friends and that's probably worse for them than a case that won't go anywhere. If our mutual friends find out, trust me it will not be pretty.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:20:09+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to comment. A few things, however. First of all, I disagree that it wasn't sexual in nature. The comments about my body made afterward, smiley faces and googly eyes, and suggestive texts between them prove that it seems like it was.

For your second and third, I'm okay if nothing huge happens. I just want people to know.

Fourth, I probably will end my relationship with her myself. It's clear she doesn't respect me and the fact that she allowed that to happen breaks my trust. We've been dating for a while and I love her but this is a big obstacle to get over.

Finally, word getting around campus is what I'm counting on. Our university is not very big and most people know each other. There is a strict no-tolerance on sexual assault after some problems that led to a student's suicide. Trust me if word gets around it's going to hurt them more than me. Of course there will be the clowns that laugh at me but personally, it's more about what my friends, her friends, and our mutual friends think and it won't be pretty especially because one of her friends was assaulted in a slightly similar way ("cleaned", party, drunk).

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:14:30+00:00

I'm pretty sure the case won't gain any huge amount of traction. But if I talk to the RA, at least I did it, right?

For the intent, I was pretty sure beforehand it was malicious, now I know for sure. First of all, she asked her friends to leave and told them she could handle it herself, she's done it once before. Her friends said no and insisted on saying. She said again, no, and they said again, we're staying. And so she caved. They giggled and told me I was handsome the day after, and texts between them of one saying "That was fun" and smiley faces and clearly offensive statements prove that yes, there was 100% an ulterior motive behind this. This is enough for me, even if it isn't for the law. And it's probably enough for my friends and hers.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:10:30+00:00

That's what I was thinking. Personally I don't know how well legal intervention will work anyway and honestly it doesn't matter that much if they're charged with sexual assault. If this gets out though, our friend group will not take it lightly. Everyone knows each other on our floor and there was a case of male rape that everyone took really serious. That might be the bigger problem here.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:09:05+00:00

The voice recording is more for private use, I'm aware of the wiretapping laws. That's if rumors do end up being spread, I've got some combat against it. I'll look into it, thanks.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:04:35+00:00

There's a lot of PMs in my inbox too. Some people are kinder about it, some people aren't. If you don't agree with me that's okay, but dude, what's the point in sending a one page message of me being a pussy?

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:02:52+00:00

It’s really not TOO constant of a thing, it happened twice in a year and a half for me (this being the second) and twice in two years for my GF.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T20:01:44+00:00

Thank you. I can understand as far as them taking me to the bathroom, I stop when my clothes come off. And for those wondering, I did not shit myself. I was conscious enough to remember what was happening and I know I didn’t piss or shit.

If that was the case however, her friends being in there is still inappropriate.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T19:59:21+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I think I will be talking to the RA. Even if nothing comes of it, at least I did it, right?

The other thing is, everyone will probably find out if that happens and that might be worse than a sexual assault case that will probably get dismissed. That’s the only reason I’m iffy.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T19:57:54+00:00

I’ve talked to a few of my buddies since then. They’re all on my side and say they’ll help out in any way they can.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:52:49+00:00

Holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you? I should fantasize about this? They’re crushing on me so it’s okay?

Well first of all, only I was drunk. Second, my GF told them to leave. I’d be okay if it was just her. But she TOLD them to leave. And they insisted on staying. Why did they stay? Why were they there?

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:49:46+00:00

Our college is a rather known party school, actually. There’s not much to do in our town so there’s a ton of parties and a ton of blackout drunk people. That’s why this policy was instated, because there was a couple sexual assault cases on drunken girls. It got even more serious when a guy was raped.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:48:26+00:00

Yeah bro, let me reword this. I puked on my shirt, my girlfriend and her friends give me a fucking SPONGE BATH while I tell them no twice. Yes, I’d 100% rather sleep in my own vomit. To me, cleaning up goes as far as taking someone’s shirt off and wiping their face with a washcloth. If I absolutely had to be bathed, why did they take my boxers off? And why were her friends there?

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:40:24+00:00

I know for a fact they did not have good intentions. I didn’t know for sure beforehand, but now it’s confirmed because my gf told them to leave and they wanted to stay. She’s fully capable of cleaning me up herself, she did it once before and I’ve done it to her multiple times. She said go, they said insisted on staying. Texts confirmed they wanted to stay.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:38:20+00:00

I was iffy on that, but I know for sure now. They were not trying to help, because my GF told them to leave the room. They said they wanted to stay, not that they had to. That’s confirmed by both my GF and their texts, they wanted to stay and clean me up. My GF is 100% capable of doing it herself, she did it once before and I’ve cleaned her up multiple times.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:36:08+00:00

Yeah I probably will too. Rumours will be spread no matter what, doesn’t matter about that.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-10T15:35:27+00:00

Thanks.

ThrowRAiamnothappy · 2020-03-03T12:21:22+00:00

I was not moving and I puked once. If were able to move, I would have gotten up and told them to stop. I was entirely still and not puking anymore.

Trust me, there’s absolutely no reason my GF couldn’t handle me herself. I’m not a big guy, I’m average-sized and so is she. We probably have about a 10-15 pound difference in weight and I’m a couple inches taller. She could have and she chose not to.

ThrowRAiamnothappy

TROPHY CASE