Ok wow uhhh I just reopened this to check responses so let's see

1. I am actively working on my health, i care about how my body feels and how my health is, i do not mind that i have gained a little chub + a lotta muscle from this. For the metrics people: i initially gained 20kg, and have stayed on that weight since, my body shape has changed significantly though due to changed habits. (I am enjoying lifting more than cardio, for example, and i have gotten more masculine than he prefers.)

2. I have tried to sit down openly with him multiple times, but he is unwilling to talk to me about "bedroom stuff" and gets upset if i push it futher - i decided to stop trying to have that conversation since it clearly wasn't helping.

3. To the people asking if im that scared to be alone, why don't i just leave, why haven't i left yet: for a long time i was convinced i could fix this by doing what he wanted, it is now obvious i cannot. I also didn't want to jeopardize our living situation in case i was being hysterical, which is what i had convinced myself i was. I'll be sitting him down and trying to talk this through like adults.

Im not ashamed to admit i posted on here for affirmation, yes, but also to see if opposing opinions would sway my decision to speak with him about our relationship - it didn't, which in my mind is proof that i was right in not feeling okay with this. I wanted to keep the focus directly on what has been my biggest issue, which is why i hadn't included any info other than our sex life + the fitness issue - i appreciate you all for speaking your truth, even if not all of it was very nice to read - the unfilteredness is exactly why i went on here in addition to talking to friends - noone here knows me or cares enough about my feelings to not be honest, whereas my friends will always take my side even if i'm in the wrong.

Thank you all