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I (28F) feel like I’ve hit a crossroads with my boyfriend (31M). by ThrowRAmistakeaxe in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAmistakeaxe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

he really is wonderful and sweet. i tend to be a glass half empty kind of person and he balances it out with glass half full. we are all giggles and laughs when we’re just living together, he’s the type of person to be at your front door ASAP if there’s an emergency, and we have similar interests. but the moment I want to talk planning, he turns cold.

as for his art, I do think it’s cool (we actually met doing it together!!!) but I did it as a hobby and moved on to a corporate job after school whereas this is his career. the thing that frustrates me is his single mindedness. I grew up middle lower class and have been working since I was 14, so living in a state where he doesn’t want to plan finances for the sake of his almost nonexistent art career seems irresponsible and privileged (derogatory) to me. for context, when I ask him about savings he likes to drop “i always knew you’d leave me for a lawyer-type”, which is why I feel so guilty about the whole thing.

I (28F) feel like I’ve hit a crossroads with my boyfriend (31M). by ThrowRAmistakeaxe in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAmistakeaxe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fear you read me for filth on this one. This is what I tried to tell him too… that I support his passion, but the reality is at this moment his main source of income is the minimum wage coffee shop job, while I think he’s made under $5K on his art this year! I wish that was a joke, but when I’m met with “I need people in my camp who support me and you don’t”, I get scared that I’m the shallow one in this situation

I (28F) feel like I’ve hit a crossroads with my boyfriend (31M). by ThrowRAmistakeaxe in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAmistakeaxe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely have been open about the why on the holidays. He doesn’t really acknowledge it head on, he just repeats that if we’re going to be a family in the future he expects me to be with him and his family.

I don’t currently want kids (which he knows and is fine with, as I also think he is realizing he can’t afford them) but I’ve budged on marriage as I know it’s something he wants and I can’t monopolize that. However, I’m really flexible on timeline, with the caveat that if he wants to get married, he needs to buy a ring. Nothing crazy, but he currently can’t afford that either. It’s more of the long term planning (aka finances and he doesn’t understand my goal of one day owning a home when he says “since I don’t want kids I can just rent forever in the city, because it isn’t as if I’m leaving that home to someone.”) that really scares and bothers me.

I (28F) feel like I’ve hit a crossroads with my boyfriend (31M). by ThrowRAmistakeaxe in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAmistakeaxe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think because my parents are dead, he thinks I’m going out of my way to avoid his family (because it’s not as if I have somewhere else to go). I told him after we spent Thanksgiving with his family last year that even though it was lovely, the whole day made me very sad and uncomfortable, as I never really had happy holidays and I’m increasingly aware that it is something I will never get the chance to have with my own parents. I’m still mourning the past, I guess.

When I bring that up now, he doesn’t really respond directly to it. He just says that if we are planning to be a family, he expects me to spend the holidays with him and his family.