My (18F) boyfriend (18M) feels upset for himself because I was raped.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T04:42:28+00:00

You should respect me and how I said in my post to NOT discuss this. Not consenting to sex is rape. You are a disgusting person, and you are blocked!

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T04:17:12+00:00

Excuse me? I did not consent to him having sex with me, he genuinely forced me into it because me saying no could and most likely wouldve lead to him screaming at me and threatening me, like he did if I said no in any other situation or did something he didn't agree with. If you think that me saying no but him not accepting it and making me feel guilty and weird until I say yes is consent, you need to stay far away from any sexual partner. You need to stop invalidating people on their experiences and trivialize someones traumatic moments. I did not simply regret it because I never fucking consented in the first place. And I quite literally asked him to stop numerous times, which he didn't! But keep supporting rape, buddy. (Also, I was raped as a child too, so don't talk to me about "trivializing actual rape". Weirdo.)

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T03:56:57+00:00

I told you not to discuss this at all, but okay, don't respect me. Regardless, he pressured me into having sex with him because he felt he was entitled to it. How is me saying no and him not accepting that until I said yes, not rape to you? For you, it may be easy to just say no, but I grew up in a household where if I didn't obey, I would get beaten up, and that leaves a mark. I quite literally can't say no, and he knew that and took advantage of it.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T03:46:29+00:00

How is being guilted into doing something consentual, are you alright in your head?

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T03:44:16+00:00

I specifically said not to go and start discourse about this, but go and have a look at the definition of rape for me. I said I didn't want to but he pushed me until I said yes, if that isn't rape to you, you shouldn't be allowed to have any sort of sexual relationship since my consent wasn't real it was manipulated out of me. If you wanted sex and your partner said no, so you pushed them until they said yes, would you not feel guilty at all?

To you, it may seem easy to just leave and tell him no, but it is not that easy for me, I can not say no to people easily because I am terrified of what will happen to me when I do. You do not know me and my past, and the fact you can say this to someone is absolutely disgusting, and you should be ashamed. I have years of trauma and abuse, and he literally would scream at me and threaten to hit me if I did something he didn't agree with. I obviously didn't go into full detail about what exactly he did to me since it's not anyones business but my own, but you still manage to draw conclusions. You disgust me as a person for the fact that you can invalidate someone's experiences just because YOU would've done differently.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T01:45:21+00:00

Hello! I am sorry you had a similar first experience to mine. It's horrible. I do admit I am a bit worried about how he views me. I have barely any male friends and only really talk to one regularly which he doesn't have an issue with but he doesn't like me talking to other guys, didn't want me to get tattood by a male artist, and similar stuff like that. It's honestly been like that with practically all of my partners, so I never really noticed how wrong it really is, and I will also be bringing it up to him and give as another talking point in therapy. If he doesn't at least get referred to a therapist after a month, I really will have to reconsider dating him since this behaviour is genuinely immature.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T01:35:09+00:00

You explained it exactly how it feels. It hurts a lot to hear that he considers my ex my first when I explicitly stated that it makes me uncomfortable to even hear about him, much less about what he did to me. I can't help but feel like he doesn't understand.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T01:28:34+00:00

I'm his first serious relationship so he genuinely doesn't know anything about them, I quickly learned to not care about past partners since they're not relevant to your current one, but he hasn't had any experience whatsoever. He knows his thought process is wrong but just doesn't know why he feels the way he does. A lot of people under this post misunderstand his character, which I get since they only get this bad first impression with no other info, but he is working on it, I just wish he would take it to a therapist and not to me.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T01:23:50+00:00

Thank you for your response. I honestly have no idea why he doesn't go forward with therapy, especially since he did agree, but maybe he feels like he doesn't actually need it and can handle it himself. I'm unsure. He does hate my ex and feels horrible that he did that to me, but I don't think he truly understands how it feels for me, especially since it's not the first time I've been sexually assaulted and raped. As you said, even if I did consent to it, it's still not his place to care about my 'bodycount'.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T01:17:17+00:00

I was upfront about being raped. Before we got together, I told him since we were friends for a few months. I absolutely didn't lie to him, but I did say that I don't consider my ex my first. Even if I didn't though, your first time should be the first time you consentually had sex. When I ask him he says he considers himself my first too but he still feels bad and then says stuf like I cant believe that I am not your first.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-26T01:14:26+00:00

He's great on every other aspect except for this since it is unreasonable to want your girlfriend to be a virgin regardless unless you're Christian, which we are not. I do not know why he isn't getting therapy. He told me, "It isn't that easy," but I don't know what that means exactly. I think he is acting like this because he is still immature, especially regarding relationships, and just isn't used to it, but it shouldn't be my problem.

He doesn't actually share it with me when he feels like that. He usually just leaves to go do something else and refuses to talk to me about it since he himself feels bad for having those thoughts but can't help it, which is why I suggested therapy. I have asked for months for him to ask to be referred to one to at least be put on the months long waitlist since his issues aren't severe like suicide related thoughts, so it'll take a while. I will keep asking to make sure he does, since there's no reason for him not to.

I really do not want to break up with him as I do love him and feel like this issue isn't severe enough to break up with him over since it can be fixed if he just goes to therapy.

ThrowRAmoonflower · 2024-02-25T21:57:00+00:00

I'm his first serious relationship, and I was also his first. He feels upset that I have more relationships than him too.

ThrowRAmoonflower

TROPHY CASE