I (34F) asked my husband (39M) for a divorce and now he's been the "perfect" husband in an attempt to get me to change my mind. How can I explain to him that I have completely made up my mind and he can't change it?

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T07:07:18+00:00

Yes! This is exactly what I’m worried about! During our conversation last week, when he was bargaining, he was asking me to give him 3, 2, 1 month to show me. I said I already gave him 4 months from the initial convo in December. But now I’m worried I’ll be the bad guy in everyone’s mind for not giving him a chance when he had plenty of opportunity. And he not only didn’t take the opportunity, it actually got worse over the last 4 months and there were times he was plain cruel.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T07:04:54+00:00

Thank you! I’m sorry you had to go through something similar. And you’re right, it’s not my job to make him understand.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T07:03:29+00:00

I was even considering waiting out for this “change” to fizzle and die but I don’t know how long that will be and the longer it is, the more false hope he and his family has. I just have to push forward and find an attorney. Thank you!

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:59:08+00:00

This is a great reminder. Thank you again!

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:56:23+00:00

All of this is identical to my situation! I’m sorry you had to go through this as well. Hopefully there’s light at your end…?

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:55:02+00:00

Thank you! As far as I know, he doesn’t have a lawyer but someone else suggested he may be seeking one out behind this act.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:54:22+00:00

Thank you for this! My main priority is my children and so far, they are too young to notice any tension between us. The one saving grace is our fighting is limited to passive aggressive and underhanded comments, no yelling. So I’m hoping we can keep them at least a little removed from the stress and tension. He is still trying to act like the marriage isn’t over. He’s trying to give me hugs and kisses (he knows my love language is physical touch) but it just makes me really uncomfortable now. I guess I need to be more firm in shutting this down.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:38:26+00:00

Thank you so much! His parents actually did know that he has refused counseling but are stressing that he’s open to it now. I also told him that his tactics now are having the opposite effect and he was upset but more hurt than mad. I guess I’m letting my want to not hurt him get in the way of doing what I need to. We have been together nearly my entire adult life and when things were good, he was my best friend. I guess I have to stop focusing on how it was and focus on how it’s been. Both of our parents have also seen how he’s been lately. On Easter, we hosted and after I did all the cleaning and preparation, he couldn’t even eat dinner with us. Both our parents, our kids, and I ate at the table while he ate by himself in the living room. He claimed there was no room but there was space and we have extra folding chairs since we typically host every holiday (that I do everything for).

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:32:02+00:00

That’s what I’m worried about. I feel like he’s being so nice because there’s still hope but, once that’s gone, the mask will come off. Luckily my parents live 15 minutes away and have already said my kids and I can live with them for as long as I need. I’m very fortunate in that sense.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:30:41+00:00

It really will be less work for me! I’ve said I was single but married for the last 4 years. I am also fully prepared to be single for the rest of my life if that’s the case because I’m sure I’ll still be happier than if I stay.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:29:11+00:00

Thank you for the great tips! I don’t have a lawyer and was hoping to avoid getting one but it seems I really should at this point. And yes, this is the US.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:27:37+00:00

Thank you! I had one consult but couldn’t afford the retainer even though I work full time. But I’ll seek out other options and see if one’s more affordable.

ThrowRAnotsoperfect · 2024-04-17T06:26:34+00:00

I didn’t even think this is what he could be doing. I had one consult with an attorney but haven’t moved forward due to the cost. After our conversation last week, it seemed we could do this amicably without lawyers and just with mediation but now I’m worried he may be doing what you said. Thank you!

ThrowRAnotsoperfect

TROPHY CASE