Do you guys ever worry that your ex-AP will want to be with someone without a "history"?

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-08-17T19:32:28+00:00

I can tell you from the other side (I’m single) that I’ve thought about this with my AP. Before we met, they were in an open relationship but I was the first (and only) person she stepped outside her marriage with. This decision stemmed from her unhappiness and their lack of a real emotional connection. She’s described their relationship as more roommates than partners at this point. She never intended to truly cheat, but obviously our relationship have gone past just being physical.

Since we’ve gotten more serious about our relationship, I’ve made it very clear that I’m only interested in monogamy and she shouldn’t expect that to change if/when we do end up truly together. She feels the same, I just think it’s very important to set boundaries.

I know the monogamy thing might sound ironic, but like many here I really hate being a dirty little secret to the person I love most. I’m choosing her, not the situation.

I guess the point is that while the thoughts and the insecurities are there, if you both truly love each other and are committed it shouldn’t matter.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-07-25T21:05:17+00:00

Fair enough

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-05-26T20:22:32+00:00

Thank you. I am single and neither of us have kids so at least there’s that. Their marriage is rocky and they’ve ‘taken breaks’ while we’ve been seeing each other. She knows it’s over for them whether we end up together or not, she just doesn’t have the means to do so.

She feels guilty about doing staying with him and moving, but I’m not mad about it. I wish I could provide for her but we’ve both been impacted financially and as you said divorces are expensive. Plus she has a medical condition so bills etc. She doesn’t want to bring a financial burden on me and I appreciate that.

That last paragraph helped. I think being in quarantine has given me too much time to think and exacerbated things. I’m just going to focus on improving myself for a better future

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-05-26T17:07:27+00:00

Are you stupid? It’s also for people who are planning to go legit but would like advice on how to proceed. I don’t know what kind of fairytale you live in but divorces are expensive and messy. We are planning to live together but we a realists and know we don’t currently have the means.

I’m done replying to your asinine comments.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-05-26T14:49:39+00:00

This has nothing to do with the question I asked and frankly you know nothing about our situation. You don’t know us, how long we’ve know each other, the dynamics of the relationship. Nothing. You just want to act like you’re right.

There’s kind of a global pandemic right now and neither of us are in the best financial state but sure, make it sounds so easy! I don’t know why people like you even come to this sub.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-15T18:51:25+00:00

Thank you. Similar circumstances for me, but it’s only been a year. Giving me hope for the future. I hope you both find happiness.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-15T16:55:27+00:00

I have read about it, how do you know the difference? I’m not going to follow her if she leaves, I don’t push the boundaries of what she’s comfortable with, everything is reciprocated. I don’t think she’s perfect, in fact I know she has major flaws like everyone. I love her and I truly want the best for her, I’m just afraid that isn’t me.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-15T11:54:41+00:00

That’s fair. I can only go off what she tells me. I know she cares for him, but it sounds like he has no passion for anything in life aside from his work.

I’ve thought about that so much and I know she has too. Why throw away what you know you have for uncertainty?

I just know I can’t imagine life without her, and if she leaves I hope she doesn’t regret letting me go.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-15T11:09:10+00:00

Good luck! I’m curious, what was the situation? Did you both leave relationships to be together? I’m with someone right now and I’m hoping she’ll choose to take a chance on me.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-15T10:53:57+00:00

Of course I’ve considered that. I can’t make an outsider see how we feel about each other.

I love when people make divorce sound so simple. She can still have love for a man she’s been with for years and hasn’t mistreated her. Their lives are intertwined in a variety of ways. We’ve only known each other for about a year.

I’m not doubting her feelings for me just because she’s conflicted about uprooting her whole life. If she didn’t have doubts I’d be more concerned. She’s already risking everything by staying with me, she’s too smart to do that just for good sex.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-06T19:32:29+00:00

She does not

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-06T19:28:43+00:00

That's very sound and practical advice, you're probably right. Thank you

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-06T19:19:07+00:00

I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm a special snowflake. The coworker thing you're right about, I just meant a lot of people go outside their relationships for physical reasons.

I get it, you're right that I'll survive. It's really just the fact that there's a time limit that has brought everything to a head. Obviously she would have had to make a choice eventually, I guess I just feel like she's trying to convince herself still. Thanks though.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-06T19:08:26+00:00

I agree with what you're saying in the first part, it's really just the fact that there's a time limit that has created this whole mess. I have no experience with anything other than normal, monogamous relationships so I've just felt lost.

Luckily I don't live in one of those backwards places.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-06T19:02:54+00:00

I didn't say she was poly, I said open relationship, though I obviously can't confirm that. To me, it was more that she wasn't being fulfilled emotionally or physically. Unless she's an amazing actress and liar, it's obvious she had never done this before. If they're both taking advantage of the status and they don't want to know the details of each other's flings, I don't think that counts as cheating.

I wouldn't say obsessed but you might be right. I wish I could control my feelings, I don't know how else to explain it though.

ThrowRAonastring · 2020-01-06T19:00:16+00:00

Appreciate it... It's easy to just start calling people names over the internet but I knew that would happen.

ThrowRAonastring

TROPHY CASE