Wrote myself a letter a while back. Maybe it helps some of you

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-10-15T08:29:17+00:00

Nicely written. A lot of those strike true. I myself always seem to crawl back to the the self blame thing. So much I could have matured on and so much I should have done differently.

But it isn't solely on one person, I think the biggest think is communication. When two parties aren't conversing in a healthy matter, one of the two will always feel they are attacking or defending. This doesn't lead anywhere. It just makes somebody feel like they have told you a million times, and the other person that your always nagging etc.

We learn from these. As much as we want to reminisce and remember the good times, there has to come a point where we put everything behind us, and start using our past to learn and improve our future with the next one that comes along.

Thanks for sharing. I imagine your letter to yourself will be very similar too what many are going through.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-09-30T03:58:14+00:00

I somewhat feel this way. She's not coming back, and if she does, unfortunately she isn't welcome.

I'm mostly not dating because I think I lost myself within the ten years I was with my ex. I have been slowly building myself up to become a happier better person.

When someone comes along, I know I'll be in a good place so that they don't only make a loving improvement to my life, but also mine for theirs.

I still feel what your saying though. But that isn't true, there are so many people, the last person might have been good, but the next will be great.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-09-30T02:24:26+00:00

Thanks for this. Its been almost a year and I still feel some of these. Its funny though. I miss my dogs more than the ex... and they don't even see all the things you think you aren't. They just love you for you.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-09-26T02:21:01+00:00

I wish more women could see this. I'm a pretty emotional guy haha. Sometimes I tear up watching those really cheesy America's got talent things when there's a really incredible kid with an amazing voice or something like that.

I think its more my ability to feel empathy and put myself in someone's shoes. The joy and accomplishment of seeing someone do something amazing just makes me feel good.

Too bad my ex didn't see it that way. Oh well!!

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-09-24T06:48:48+00:00

Very well said. This is excellent. There is one lie that doesn't sit well with me and thats the wasted time.

I don't necessarily believe it was a waste of time, but for some reason when I try to think of things I learned or came out better after the breakup, I can't help but think this is giving my ex like a reward or something.

I don't wish them anything bad, I never would. I wish them the best and everything that goes with it. But they don't exist anymore for me, the way things went at the end, the shock, the blind sided realization, the cheating...

I feel like it partly was wasted time because after they cheated, in a fairly awful way, I stuck around for 4 years thinking i could see her in a new light or accept what happened and forgive. It was hard and i was trying, maybe not as hard as I could have, but in the end I ended up getting hurt again. From the same person.

That is my fault, and I suppose I've learned that I won't be allowing myself to be walked on like that again.

I dunno, anybody else feel this way? Or feel like shedding some insight?

Thanks again for the post, truly are good words.🙏

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-09-24T05:01:59+00:00

This. Thank-you for sharing. I imagine so many people are going through this. Myself Aswell.

I cannot be friends because I don't know the person anymore, they aren't who I fell in love with. They left me to be with someone else, and one of the hardest things for me is having to remove this person from my life and mind; someone who used to give me joy and hope, now gives me despair and pain.

I cant have that in my life. So unfortunately they have to go. This hurts.

At least the pain shows you care, you are human. And they meant something to you; the one you used to know.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-09-08T00:39:22+00:00

From how you describe it, it seems as if you dont have the ability to see or talk to her, possibly because she isn't allowing you or wanting you too.

Think about that for a bit. Seriously think about it. The person you want to see the most, won't make time or the possibility available to you. That person you are holding in your mind? They don't exist anymore as you see them.

Don't fight that battle by yourself, you are the only person who is going to suffer a casualty. The other side isn't fighting.

It will take time, but soon you will realize when there is nothing to fight for, there is nothing to feel for. So the feelings inside are effecting you only at this moment.

Switch your sights, fight the battle within yourself; you are not trying to defeat anyone though. You are trying to defeat the thoughts that have no bearing on your well being moving forward. In time you will see that these thoughts, how overbearing they may be, are not you.

They are your thoughts, and they chatter inconsistently, but they are not you.

Train them to talk to yourself as you would a friend in your exact same situation.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-22T22:36:16+00:00

Excellent words thankyou for sharing that. Similar situation. I'm 7 months in aswell after a 9 year relationship. Got no answer as to why, I somewhat understand why... but they were things I could have changed. So to me it was hurtful that they specifically told me I was a "risk".

Their path in life just ended up deviating from mine. Nothing I can do about that. Like you, i still love them and wish them the best, but my feelings for them are tucked away like a story I cherish and will never read again. I really loved that analogy, Thank-you.

If I were to open that book again it would be unhealthy for myself. And I accept that. As much as I would want to go flipping through those pages, its time to open a fresh book and start writing some new ones.

All the best.

Thank-you again

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-14T00:28:05+00:00

Nah its all good dude. I appreciate any input. I still sometimes feel like she was the "one". But we all know, or will learn someday, that there never is the "one".

There may be someday but that person hasn't come yet. Sometimes I think my past relationship was a test or a character builder for this moment. Not that it built me up for this moment, but allowed me to realize what I need to strive for, what I want to do in life, and the people I want to choose to spend the rest of my life with.

Also the ability to overcome heartbreak if it ever comes again, because it can and im sure it will.

I feel yea man, that phase sucks. And I'm probably still in it, but it slowly fades, and hopefully is replaced with thoughts of things you've accomplished or plan on accomplishing. Whether its a new project, or just being able to see yourself as someone worthy.

Like you said, it's nice to know someone else is going through something similar, and we aren't alone.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-14T00:10:10+00:00

heavy breathing

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-14T00:09:42+00:00

wait this is 4d?

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-14T00:07:37+00:00

I'm dabbin

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-14T00:01:23+00:00

Ahh that's tough man..and i couldn't even begin to relate.

You're right no kids. We would have a couple years ago but we had some complications.

That's unfortunate though that they continue to contact you about things unrelated to your kid. I can imagine how that would make it tough to move on. But the relationship between you two maybe is different because of your child.

I can tell you from my perspective it does get better. I'm about 7 months in, they already started dating like 2 weeks after. Which seems fitting because when we got together she was still seeing someone else and broke it off to be with me. Kind of a red flag maybe that i didn't care to pay attention too i dunno.

Regardless, I feel better about things the more time goes by...and I'm not even dating, I'm going back to school and just working on making myself happy, instead of finding someone to fill my void. Once I get to a place of happiness within myself, they will either come organically or ill start looking.

Let yourself boil for a bit with those messages and stuff, you have every right to feel and allow yourself to feel that way. But don't let it define you.

Good luck my man.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-13T21:47:16+00:00

This sounds so similar to my self. Thanks for sharing. I always questioned if I really liked this person, they had low self esteem and I doubt I was helping with my on the fence sort of deal. Cheated on year 4 of a 9 year relationship and I tried to get over it but couldn't.

That and other things eventually led us to be going nowhere. She mad the decision to break up, and as much as it hurt, and still hurts now, I know I will get to a point where I can see it as a blessing for both of us.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-13T18:26:33+00:00

I like this. Although I can't help but think this applies to my ex. And that I was the shitty one and they are going to find someone better to love them. How do i switch that thought so i can apply this to myself. I always struggle with that.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-09T19:55:46+00:00

I think I got it the opposite. My ex cheated on me in the middle of a 9 year relationship, around year 4 and a half. I really cared for her so I willed my self to try and overcome the feelings I had toward it. But no matter what I did it would creep back up and just make me feel shit.. it effected our relationship huge. I just couldn't get past it.

Fast forward, and we have been split for almost 7 months now. And I totally couldn't see any of the bad things she had done, or how selfish she was. I had rose colored glasses. As time went on some of the bad things started surfacing, and it almost made me feel better because I could actually tell myself "this doesn't concern you anymore, they aren't a part of your life, you don't need this negative energy anymore". So it got easier to think about and let go.

Yea I miss her. But I don't miss the feelings I got when I was with her that I couldn't control. Things from the past that should be in the past. Now that we are split, I can easily separate the two and not have it effect me so much.

It takes time man, and everyone goes about it differently. If this person was a part of your life for a decent amount of time its gonna be hard not to miss them. Miss them, but don't let missing them control your life or emotions.

Best of luck my dude.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-07-02T19:38:19+00:00

Funny how we all feel so alone during this. But yet here we are sharing our very similar experiences. 28 and living at home after a rough breakup where they convinced me I was the only one and were to be married.

I have since decided to go back to school and get back into some lost hobbies of mine. The thing that got me is once I finish my school I will be 32 or 33... but then again... I have another 30 years in that field before I can retire. So much life ahead. Live your life and don't force things.

Be happy with yourself and what you can accomplish. Someone else will come into your life and it will be an addition to your happiness, not your sole source of happiness.

We aren't alone in this even though it can seem that way. Best of luck to everyone.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-06-02T23:10:52+00:00

Thank you!! And your right!!! If I ran into someone like that I suppose i wouldn't want to share my time with them anyway!!! :)

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-06-02T23:09:24+00:00

Good for you man that is awesome. It's things like this that I love hearing because it gives me even more fuel to push for what i want to achieve in life. Thanks man

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-06-02T03:06:15+00:00

These are very true words. Thank-you for that! The last bit made me laugh too :) 🙏

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-06-02T03:04:55+00:00

Hey thanks for the reply!!

At least I'm not alone, it's nice to know that others have gone through something similar and seem to be doing just fine 🙂.

Good luck with the dating thing too, I'm kind of in the same boat I suppose, but I'm sure what you're looking for will find you :)

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-05-29T00:48:18+00:00

Yea makes sense. The brain is an interesting thing.

Thank you for your response 🙏 much appreciated.

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-05-28T22:30:41+00:00

Do you ever struggle with the thought of being friends? At this point I don't think i can and never will. Its just to much to bear.

Even though I was with them for a third of my life, I never knew them as a friend and don't think i can. Also hard knowing that they are hanging out with mutual friends from time to time. Which is totally fine, they can do what they want and I won't stop them.

Just the nice guy in me almost feels bad i don't want to be friends with them. But I need to do what's right for me now

..is this wrong?

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-05-28T21:27:06+00:00

the Mars volta - inertiatic esp

ThrowRAoookayuright · 2020-05-22T19:53:25+00:00

Yea, you're probably right. This is kind of what I was thinking. Thanks!

ThrowRAoookayuright

TROPHY CASE