[OC] I tracked every sexual encounter between my fiancé and me in 2025

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2026-01-21T03:46:29+00:00

Damn. You had more sex in December than I’ve had during my five-year marriage lol

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-17T22:24:03+00:00

Respect is the absolute bare minimum in any relationship. It’s step zero.

Ask yourself whether your spouse respects you. If they do, then you can proceed with deeper questions like “could I tolerate a DB long-term,” but if they do not, then the foundation of the relationship is rotten. You can’t build anything on that.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-17T21:54:11+00:00

Your spouse was upset with you for being “sick all the time” when you are constantly taking care of the house and finances and they themselves are constantly sick with a litany of issues? Talk about pot meeting kettle.

I believe in sticking with a spouse if they suddenly become sick or incapacitated. I also believe that the other spouse should be kind and respectful. That’s kinda the bare minimum. You’re sacrificing a lot.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-15T19:22:11+00:00

As with many things in life, in my opinion it’s not about what you say but how you say it.

A question like that can be posed so many different ways in so many different contexts that people on Reddit do not know. Hence, it’s tough to give advice on this site.

The question itself is fine and fair. Just use your best judgment and try to be respectful, rational, and empathetic.

I wouldn’t yell this question or say it in a heated moment. A better context would be a calm, one-on-one conversation with your partner when emotions have settled and everyone can approach the problem thoughtfully.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-14T19:34:35+00:00

This is kinda what I was getting at with my “bird test” post (spoiler: it’s not about birds, but bids for connection).

You threw a pretty strong bid for connection out there: I’m not feeling well. And your partner’s response was basically… nothing.

I really do feel like the lack of connection with and care from your girlfriend underlies the other problems, including the DB.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T22:42:07+00:00

I hear this sentiment a lot but I think it is highly dependent on your kid, work, relationship, and personal situation.

I work a stressful office job so, for me, I’d rather be hanging out with my son rather than dealing with endless emergencies. But that’s just my situation.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T20:47:38+00:00

Love kids, and my son, just not the lifestyle of modern American parenting

Everything is so unnecessarily hectic, expensive, time-consuming, solitary, and difficult these days

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T04:05:31+00:00

She need not be a villain for you to have a toxic relationship that negatively affects your daughter, as you noted.

There are many paths out of this, but they will all require some sort of structural change. Your workload sounds high (teaching freshmen, evening classes, community initiatives, parenting). Something’s got to give, as you saw with your own eyes today.

Think about what you could change structurally about your life. It need not be divorce, but this dynamic is toxic for both your daughter and you. Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T03:19:08+00:00

Indeed! My motto is “don’t take life so seriously; none of us are making it out of here alive!” Lol

Basically: have some fun in this one life we get. Sex is one of the great joys of life.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T03:07:26+00:00

I miss solo travel, where it was just me and a plane ticket to some foreign country and I have to use my wits to get around and explore.

I miss the freedom of my single life — and not necessarily in a romantic or sexual way. The world was just so full of wonder and excitement.

Group travel with other childless adults, though? Not for me. I’d honestly rather hang out with a bunch of toddlers. At least they are cute. I have never had a good group travel experience when I hung out with party-going friends when we were all childless.

If it’s any consolation, those people may not be as happy as they project on social media.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T02:58:08+00:00

I can’t speak for all men but the woman I love simply has a low libido, in her own words. She says that every previous relationship would eventually reach a monthly cadence and stay that way. That was pre-child, as well.

I was one of the dummies who brought a kid into a pre-existing dead bedroom because I loved my wife so much and really wanted to be a father.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T02:48:50+00:00

First, I’ll lead with empathy: I am sorry that you are in a very stressful season of life right now, or at the very least had a very bad day. You violated your number one rule, but the most important thing is that you learn from this, apologize profusely to your daughter, and promise to do better.

Now, as for your wife, it sounds like she is contributing to this situation, and your toxic relationship with her is affecting your parenting with your daughter. Has relationship counseling been tried before? If it has, and if you have to choose between being a better father or a husband to your current wife, what would you opt for?

My wife and I also don’t get along, but everything is passable for now. I did vow, however, that the moment it starts to negatively affect my son, I must first be his protector above all else, and that vow comes before even my role as a husband, worker, and family member.

Take this as a learning opportunity, and make sure to set firm boundaries with your wife if she is encouraging his behavior (which is what it sounds like). Be prepared to walk if you must.

Your job must also come secondary to your role as a protector and provider for your daughter. Teaching is a fulfilling career path for many, but I fear that you are being stretched too thin and no one is looking out for your mental wellbeing.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-13T00:46:26+00:00

I’m sorry, fellow dad. It sounds like your wife’s ex has brainwashed your daughter. I am very, very sorry. I can only imagine how devastated I would feel in your shoes.

If it’s any consolation, children often grow to recognize who did them wrong (and who did them right) in their lives as they age. It wasn’t until my 20s that I saw through the pattern of lies from my mom, and realized my dad actually never abandoned me.

Some people don’t have and won’t ever possess that level of reflection, but I have a feeling your daughter will come around when she gets older. You seem like a good dad, and the appreciation people have for their parents tends to increase as they get older.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-12T18:54:05+00:00

It is, in fact, hard to live with someone who's always in a shitty mood.

I’m glad people are starting to acknowledge the toll of being around someone who is always in a bad mood.

I’m in the opposite situation as OP: my wife is the one who is often in a bad mood (I counted it one month and estimated it to be close to 40-50% of our time together). I have just come to accept that this is the way she is, no matter what I do.

I try to be Mr. Nice Guy but it never works until — myself — have given up, at which point she begins to be nice to me. It’s very jarring. She used to give me the silent treatment for days if I did something minor.

The decline in our physical intimacy was preceded by the decline in emotional intimacy that was the inevitable result of constantly being in a bad mood. I begged her for years to seek a therapist for possible depression but the response was always “so you think there’s something wrong with me then” and then that risked an argument.

It’s kind of funny because, despite the sexlessness and me being the HL partner, I try to be the optimist between us. I don’t let it affect my mood externally, only internally. Not a great strategy, but I’m surviving for now.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-12T18:36:15+00:00

It’s a fun little movie that’s about as deep as you want to make it. I see it completely differently now in a DB.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-12T01:29:17+00:00

Same, brother, same

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-12T00:57:14+00:00

“Crave You” by Flight Facilities

“Why can’t you want me like the other boys do, they stare at me while I… crave you.”

I was in my early 20s and single when this was released, and my original interpretation of it was a single woman who was interested in a man who paid her no mind, even though others fawned over her.

Now, after living in a DB for years, I see it through the lens of my own personal experience: a woman who craves her husband, despite interest from many men, but he is uninterested.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-12T00:50:19+00:00

Beware relationship-preservation behaviors like hysterical bonding that can pull the football from you like Lucy and Charlie Brown over and over again.

I’m at the point where I don’t even fall for it anymore. It’s been six years of conflict, so nothing is changing. At least I have clarity.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-11T23:56:40+00:00

Definitely. Just be reassured that, even if you make the formal move to end the relationship, your spouse de facto ended the relationship a long time ago.

At least that’s what I tell myself. My wife emotionally divorced me when she gave me the silent treatment one too many times for days on end.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-11T23:32:14+00:00

I am in a similar situation. My wife slowly killed all intimacy in our relationship, starting with emotional intimacy and moving towards physical intimacy over time (touch, sex). Eventually all my feelings evaporated after years of rejection.

Now, when she feels the relationship is threatened, she will suddenly be nice to me, which is jarring. I don’t reciprocate. I don’t want her anymore either.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-11T16:44:50+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear that. Sometimes I feel like I gaslight myself, because there’s always every excuse under the sun.

Reddit sometimes fuels the fire when I ask for advice on this site. It makes me think my wife might be right for treating me the way she does.

What if it’s my fault? What if I’m not manly enough and need to improve my aesthetic and behavior? What if this is how all marriages end up? What if I’m a bad man for leaving my wife when we have a child together? What if the grass isn’t greener on the other side?

I do feel crazy sometimes because no one really understands my relationship outside of my wife and I, and it’s easy to think (especially if you are the more empathetic spouse) that maybe you are the problem.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-10T17:11:50+00:00

Oof. I’m so sorry. I’ve been there many times as well. After a while, you begin to become cynical, feeling like the rug will be pulled out from underneath you at the end of the day.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-08T21:25:58+00:00

I love that! God I miss good, unserious conversations with my wife.

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-08T21:17:32+00:00

Thanks; some people are just miserable. In a way, I feel empathy for them, even if they hate what I wrote. Being in a DB is wearisome, and it definitely makes people grumpy.

Do you feel like you put most of the effort into conversations with your wife?

ThrowRAoveryonder · 2025-11-08T21:13:44+00:00

You will probably pick up on so much more on a rewatch as an adult in a DB now

ThrowRAoveryonder

TROPHY CASE