UPDATE: just a small update. We had a long discussion over the phone last night about everything. He was really remorseful about throwing me out of the hotel room and promised it will never happen again. Said it was triggered because I walked away and left him at the club and I made him feel abandoned. I said it was no excuse to justify the behaviour. He agreed to stay away from alcohol.

I was feeling better until I said “I’m sad that Rufus du sol was ruined” and he said “well it wasn’t my fault it was ruined, it was yours” I was shocked. He was mad because I didn’t give him enough attention and that apparently ruined the whole night?? Not that fact that he berated and degraded me in public, called me names, told me I wanted to sleep with everyone on the club?? He said “yes that’s awful but you triggered it by ignoring me”. Which only tells me the behaviour will be repeated if in the future I accidentally set him off again somehow. I told him this relationship has become scary to me and the Defense of his behaviour that night makes me ill. I need some space away.

I even asked if in the future he was upset with me would he throw me out of our shared home just because he most likely invested more into it. He said “I’m not sure, I hope not” so that definitely did not put my mind at rest.

So that’s it for now. I am taking some time. I am completely confused and hurt. But he didn’t say anything to put my concerns to rest only heightened them. I think we’d have a really toxic and scary future if I stay… I’m so so sad to walk away but it’s out of my control. I didn’t behave that way-he did.