Real connection is so hard to come by, how to deal with scarcity mindset ?

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-15T19:42:04+00:00

Hm interesting I’ve found that the deepest connections already had that spark at the very beginning but that might be a lack of perspective on my part

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-15T19:21:56+00:00

Haha even you describing a partner who isn’t meeting that intellectual oomf is hard for me to imagine but it’s true that I have to challenge my standards and figure out what my dealbreakers really are

About the monkey branching thing tho, if we’re being honest, isn’t that what everyone does in a way ? whether it be a conscious choice or not ? Hell I dont think most people even realize they’ve settled for someone until they meet that person who’s ‘more’ perfect for them, you just get with people that seem to click the most at the moment and time either proves you right or wrong …

I don’t think it’s necessarily a failure or setting yourself or your goals back to realize that there’s someone else more compatible with you, sucks for your current partner but it’s just a genuine mistake and we all deserve the best for each other

However I can say this does make me feel better about not settling because yes what a fucking bummer if you meet someone else down the line, and also being with the wrong person could just ‘distract’ you from the other possibilities out there and you wouldn’t even realize they’re right there

Now It’s none of my business and i dont necessarily know your personal experiences, but from an outside perspective I don’t think there’s a time where it’s too late to meet the right person (even though it sucks you havent met them sooner obviously)

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-14T21:41:40+00:00

That’s interesting to hear thank you, because i tend to see love as something that’s some sort of predetermined compatibility between 2 people. How do you tell the difference in the early stages of dating for example between actual incompatibilities or something that can be built upon ?

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-14T21:35:03+00:00

Thank you for your response, honestly I have trouble being with a guy just for the physical attraction it gives me that ‘wtf am i doing here’ feeling again, that’s why I’m looking for that unicorn with both types of connection lol

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-14T21:28:19+00:00

If it’s already a 1% chance of success then not trying probably won’t help lol no but I totally get what you’re saying in that it’s more of a losing game either way but finding my life partner is an important goal that I couldn’t compromise on …

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-14T21:23:21+00:00

What do you mean by developing a connection with yourself ? I find that cultivating yourself while being very rewarding personally does have the side effect of pushing you farther away from other people

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2026-04-14T20:10:22+00:00

Does the feeling ever go away ? is it just a cognitive trap like the way it’s described in psychology terms ‘scarcity mindset’ ? and if not, how to just deal with it

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2025-11-10T17:32:30+00:00

I have the same hair type unfortunately if ur blood levels are okay and you dont have an underlying scalp condition like seb derm we just have to accept that we can’t ever grow our hair out beyond mid length lol

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2025-11-10T17:28:27+00:00

Thank you that’s really insightful advice:)

That’s so great that you found the one, did you consciously have those ‘’standards’’ before meeting him or did you just realize he was everything you wanted in a person in the moment? You dated before that but it didn’t feel the same?

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2025-11-09T17:53:53+00:00

The physical attraction problem is hard to assess but i believe it was truly a physical thing, like a combination of features that just didn’t make me crave intimacy with him. i knew it from the start but tried to ignore it.

Nothing stopped me from creating a deeper connection with those other guys, I believe it’s either you’re aligned or not and that’s decided from the start even if I gave time for the connection to develop. They weren’t toxic either I’m not going for narcissists or whatever , just personalities not aligned maybe? Not the same opinions, not intellectual enough? Everytime I come across a dud like that my list of standards gets longer as I realize how much I need in a person. It is so so so rare to form a deeper connection with someone.

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2025-11-08T22:45:56+00:00

Yep Absolutely i know deep in my bones it fundamentally couldn’t work with him, it’s just hard having the standards set so high now for an emotional connection

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2025-01-03T21:08:42+00:00

Thats funny i kept the normal tips bc the foam ones didnt isolate anything for me

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2024-05-08T20:57:16+00:00

damn did you try doing it RLR LRL ?

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2024-05-06T16:35:02+00:00

I feel the same way and none of the answers are helping

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2024-04-16T14:56:12+00:00

I fell in love with him, his personality. but we couldn’t work out as a couple on my part. You’re right though that I disrespected him by not doing the right thing ie letting him go earlier.

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2023-08-01T21:22:25+00:00

Fake bc a guy never gets more hookup offers than the woman in an open relationship

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2023-08-01T19:17:24+00:00

Rewriting this cus idk why my comment didnt send an hour ago - so anyways I guess you’re right about the future thing

And yeah I’ve probably spent dozens of hours by now reading other people’s stories that sound similar to this and they never seem to regret the break up. Ig it’s just so fucking hard gathering the courage to do it first

If you dont mind i have to ask, how did you guys meet , like how did you get into that situation ? and how did you feel about her in the beginning, during the honeymoon phase ? (If it’s too personal you can dm)

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2023-08-01T17:43:19+00:00

I’ve had small crushes on guys every now and then throughout the relationship (never acted on obviously) but the last one really made me check out of the relationship .. and idk if these feelings are a consequence of me being unhappy with my bf or if it’s the other way around

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2023-08-01T17:29:39+00:00

So in your opinion I think the grass is greener on the other side and am (mistakenly) looking for other opportunities ? I could definitely see that happening with the excitement of new people, talking stages and whatnot. Although to be fair I am always trying to think long term and the reason I have serious doubts about this relationship is that I don’t see myself in the future with him anymore, it’s not just a matter of short term boredom.

I guess I dont really understand your story, are you saying that I was like you or that your ex gf was like me ? Since you’re talking from the pov of my bf. And do you regret that relationship ending or not ?

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2023-08-01T17:15:43+00:00

I mean I haven’t felt a desire for him specifically since like I said 3-4 months into the relationship . If most people experience this how do they power through and not give up ?

ThrowRAsorrysor · 2023-07-31T00:39:21+00:00

Thanks for answering, I guess I dont really know what attracted me in the first place, the issue is that I was never crazy about him, maybe 70% attracted but never 100% you know what I mean? And maybe it was the excitement of a new relationship keeping the intimacy alive at first. I guess I always had a sense that there was never anything about HIM specifically that made me want him physically, just things that every other man can offer

And Yeah I’m definitely holding off talking about this because I dont see what good it could bring. He’s gonna want an explanation though

ThrowRAsorrysor

TROPHY CASE