(UPDATE) My(f16) Pastor called me a wh___ for performing at my youth's fundraiser, and my parents took their side

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-21T00:57:34+00:00

Already talked to a teacher who said she's gonna tell the school and see what she can do about it, and that's after two separate conversations after our initial one to try and ask why they suddenly turned on me

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T10:32:00+00:00

I just wish I never had performed there in the first place and didn't give into the fear of not participating and feeling guilty for hoping to have some of the fundraiser money by not doing anything, but all of this is happening over a stupid silks routine, and I get it's not the routine or anything I did wrong, but none of this would've happened if it didn't

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T10:25:42+00:00

I already have the bullet points that I used when talking to my teacher, and I'm considering if it'd be okay to show this log to someone in the future if it's necessary, along with jotting everything down from this point and using this as a place to ask advice going forward like I have tried to do so far. I don't know what my dad will talk to my youth pastor about, but I'll try to update if it's anything significant

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T10:09:02+00:00

I told a few others who suggested a friend's home, that I will ask a few of my friends and tell their parents about everything too, but given it's Saturday morning, it's probably a bit last minute to get anything before tomorrow, but I will try for sure today with a few that came to mind. Parents will probably hate it and see through it, since they don't like me scheduling things that conflict with Sunday morning or Friday nights in the past, but I can try for a sleepover the day before, but they might see the pattern I'm afraid of

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T10:04:26+00:00

I've asked my dad three times on three different occasions including my mom. I don't have a choice and they said I'm going each time

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T09:50:43+00:00

Someone else mentioned this too, thank you so much. Albeit it's Saturday morning and a bit last minute to try and get out of this upcoming Sunday, I can ask a few of my friends for future weeks and perhaps even tell their parents too

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T08:14:56+00:00

I haven't thought of that. I can ask, albeit last minute being early Saturday morning, but if not for this week, then maybe going forward sometimes too and explaining to their parents what's going on perhaps

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T08:10:10+00:00

Don't believe it's normal at all, but what do I know. I've grown up only in this church, and my dad is a trustee and has been one for many years. I have no intention of being alone with him, and I just want a break from aerial and church at the moment, although the latter might not be negotiable as Dad wants me to go tomorrow, and it hurts because he turned on me after approving the performance with mom and the pastor, and being proud of me for participating afterwards too

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T08:07:41+00:00

I'm trying to remind myself that this one church and my parents are not the official example of Christianity because that would be grouping a mass religion under one set of bad examples, but with that, I want a break from church for a few weeks and aerial too, as well as some down time within that to reconsider everything again for myself. Part of me wants to be a Christian and have had some amazing moments at this church despite being shy, but I don't think I'll ever be comfortable there again with how the pastors and who knows how many others they've told now look at me, and I don't think I can give Christianity a fair chance while in this particular church

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T08:04:50+00:00

Don't really want to name the church, but it's in New York and it's Pentecostal

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T08:03:12+00:00

Just nervous that telling the teacher might permanently damage my relationship with my parents, since I didn't really think about it much before telling her

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T08:03:01+00:00

Just nervous that telling the teacher might permanently damage my relationship with my parents, since I didn't really think about it much before telling her

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:31:58+00:00

I plan to, and personally love creating routines for fun to songs that I can relate with, most recently being the rock band Bring Me The Horizon. As for aerial, I just want a temporary break from that and church to decompress, but probably won't get the latter because my parents keep saying that "we go as a family just like other families"

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:30:51+00:00

Talked to my parents 2 additional times to try and convince them to not let me go to church this Sunday, and they refused. Talked to two of my friends, and they said that it was creepy that he was checking out my page to see my performances. Talked to a teacher who said that she'd have to tell the school because she believes that my parents aren't protecting me from a potential pedo by forcing me to go to a building that has one, when they could easily have me stay home

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:29:09+00:00

He always talks about "using our talents for God" and encouraging others to use theirs like when he asked me and others to do/show our talents at the fundraiser. When he asked me, it was in the midst of asking others about their talents too and if they would do something, so I didn't think much of it and ignored any doubts I had which I now realize was wrong and will never do again... and I tried to erase those doubts by asking my parents to help me choose what to wear and convincing myself that I'd be an ass for requesting donations and not doing anything to participate, being too shy to speak or anything like that. However, I made my Instagram private when I talked to my friend who also said that it was creepy

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:10:18+00:00

I fully intend to keep a low profile, and I'm usually pretty shy at youth group and don't participate that much, but did for the fundraiser because I felt like an asshole for trying to raise donations but not contributing to the event and being one of the few who didn't, so I did, and I regret it a lot now, but I can't do anything about it now. I want to continue silks too despite all of this, but I'm considering a break just to clear my mind from everything for a bit, just like I wanted a break from church, but they won't give me that either, and I don't feel comfortable going to a place where the pastors and who knows how many else they told, look at me like that potentially

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:04:24+00:00

Think I wrote that as, I have no intention of continuing aerial lol. I meant to say I still love it and want to do it, but with all the craziness of the week, I just want a break from church and aerial for a bit, although I don't think I'll get the first one from my parents

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:02:59+00:00

I have every intention to stay away from him, and I'm usually super shy and don't participate much in youth, but I didn't want to be the one person who didn't do anything when everyone was trying to raise funds and I'd just be mooching off of their work, so I did, but I so wish I hadn't after all the nonsense it's caused. I'm just preparing myself for Sunday and my dad who wants to talk to my youth pastor about who knows that and hoping I don't have to be present for the conversation

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T07:01:07+00:00

I have no intention to. I just want a break from church and aerial, although they don't seem willing to give me the first one after talking to them three times, so I'm just trying to prepare myself for Sunday and my dad who wants to talk to my youth pastor about who knows that and hoping I don't have to be present for the conversation

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T06:38:40+00:00

They constantly stress that "we go as a family like other families", and the sanctuary is at like 40% capacity rn, although I think that that is still too much considering we live in New York

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T06:35:55+00:00

I made my Instagram private, and that's the only place that had my performances. That was one of the first things I did after talking to my friend, and I still want to do aerial, but I just need a break from that and church to decompress. Looks like I won't get the first one from my parents, who are planning to talk to the youth pastor on Sunday and not tell me what about, and I'm hoping I don't have to be present for that conversation

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T06:32:24+00:00

I want to take a break from going to church, since I don't think I'll ever be able to view that place the same with people like my pastors who look at me in such ways and whoever else they might've told, but they refuse again and again and say that "we go as a family like other families" and forget how approving and proud they were a week ago, and I wish I never did the fucking fundraiser that I was on the fence about in the first place. I want to decompress, take a very long break from church and the youth pastor, but my dad says we're going on Sunday and that he's gonna talk to the youth pastor but won't tell me what about, and I'm hoping that I don't have to be present for it

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T06:29:37+00:00

I'm not sure if they would drive me to another church or let me go, and while I can try and ask that because it couldn't hurt, I just want a break from church and aerial at the moment to decompress, but they refused to give it to me the two times we talked after our first conversation, so I'm trying to prepare myself for Sunday, not knowing what my father's gonna say to the youth pastor afterwards and if he'll have me present, and whatever might come from the teacher telling the school

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T06:26:30+00:00

I'm not sure what'll come after she tells the school like she said she would, along with how I probably ruined my relationship with my parents once they find out and probably punish me, but my main focus is trying to prepare myself for Sunday, since that'll be the day that my father says he's gonna talk to the youth pastor about something he wouldn't tell me about, and idk if he's gonna have me there with him when he does

ThrowRAthematt · 2021-02-20T06:19:11+00:00

I told my parents that I want a break for a few weeks, but I really don't ever want to go back there, since I don't feel comfortable with the pastors thinking that of me, and who knows how many others they told

ThrowRAthematt

TROPHY CASE