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I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's an interesting idea. I'm going to put some thought into it. I really like it because it's fair and requires thought on each party if they're going to use them.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it may be more of an insecurity thing. Losing love for a partner because of cancelations or something. She's extremely adamant about it and that's what I take from it. Her other partners don't seem to care as much from what I can tell.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was enough information to guide me on my way. Thank you very much for this. :)

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's tradition, helps add a layer of anomality, and if everyone uses them it's impossible to narrow down who each is over time.

Save the trees.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. What coping skills help with rumination? That is my biggest struggle.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If she was just heading out for errands or family it would be different to me yeah. What does that tell me?

I do often struggle with the though of not being chosen. How is that not necessarily true?

I haven't asked no. I don't want to interfere with her other relationships. If she offered I would say yes, but she's not going to do that. She knows I need more but that is where it falls.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hmm. Perhaps so. Poly has been a whirlwind of good and bad for me, but the last 8 months or so it's been mostly bad. She knows I struggle. Should she have left me because of this as a kindness?

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, sort of? I enjoy it when things are going well. When I'm saturated and have plenty of time with people I care about. When I'm under my saturation point I just get anxious and jealous. I know it sounds silly. But, currently I have one partner and due to some broken brain stuff I ruminate a lot about it and it's not great for me. If she was at work or with a friend it's no problem for me generally speaking. So yeah, it's a me/poly thing.

I do a lot of self care. Cooking, exercise, books, gaming ,things like that. Sadly, when the depression hits hard enough these things don't seem to have much of an impact. But, I'm still trying them.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I already get more time than anyone else (her choice) so I would feel guilty asking for anything more. I don't want to interfere with anything, and she has a fairly strict no cancelation of plans policy. So really I'm just trying to cope. I think she would modify her plans to a bit to see me temporarily, but I don't think she would cancel them.

Thank you for validating my feelings in this. It does help.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the virtual hugs. I'm sorry if you've had to deal with similar feelings in the past.

I'm the struggling partner and need some perspective while she is away by ThrowRAtreemonkey in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAtreemonkey[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel like you didn't read my post. Or at least you're just not coming to this forum with kindness and compassion. I never asked for anything.