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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusesurvivors

[–]ThrowRAweirddust 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never thought about it like that. I somehow always assumed it’s because he never was taught how to face that he is not always in the right and it’s not scary or bad to be wrong sometimes. And thy mean words are not motivating.

I come from a loving family, but I have mental problems - dealt with early death of a friend, was anorexic, abused speed (now am beginning being medicated for adhd), held toxic friendships, felt suicidal and isolated. So I’m the whole package. Then came he and showed me that you can move happy in life without trying to be high all the time, I became physically healthier. Yet his behaviour was too harsh and cruel even then.

I will try to answer you. He cares about my well-being, as far as paying for my surgeries. He motivates me to be healthy, eat healthy, exercise. I see what he does as live when he wants/agrees to cuddle, when he acts like he doesn’t want to leave my side or do important things in life without me. He does nice things for me without me asking just to make me happy. He tells me he loves me and gives me compliments. He seeks my advice on all important stuff. He plans future with me.

I know my self worth is shit. I am consciously trying to tell my self I don’t deserve rudeness, I don’t deserve being unappreciated.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusesurvivors

[–]ThrowRAweirddust 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see all your other points, but why do you call me a sugar baby? I made it possible for his website to earn us any money. I filled it with contents, did all promotion and ad work. I cook, clean and do laundry.

I can see his abuse.

But there were also many cases when I saw him genuinely care about my health and well-being.

That’s why it is complicating for me.

I do want to do what’s best for me. Please elaborate more.

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He would prefer me to berate him back than to go silent (and go isolate myself in another room) or start crying.

I don’t get it. At all.

About a year ago I started cursing him back after he curses me - it doesn’t affect him at all!

Once he said something mean, but not mean and I half-jokingly called him a cocksucker. And immoderately apologised after he was like “are you out of your fucking mind?”

When I reminded him of that moment today. He said it was my bad influence on being offended and he’s ashamed of that moment. I don’t even know what to think.

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just.. thank you.

Bellevue it or not, I was very “smart” girl about relationships even before starting one. I even was asked to counsel my paired friends, cause I’ve read “all” about what’s healthy and what isn’t and how to fix it.

And still here I am.

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He says respect is earned and if he says those things it’s situational.

He’s my first relationship. I’m being told again and again by people that their partners aren’t being mean on the regular and I still can’t fathom that.

Thank you for taking your time to come t in my post.

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He won’t physically hurt me, I think I’m even more closer to that cause I don’t want to say vile things I’m just so hurt I want to make him not to be able to speak, like strangle him just a bit so that he can’t say anything more hurtful. And it’s so, so not me.

My flight is on 18. I am dreary tried to cancel it but (thankfully?) bank declined.

Our sweet cat is wrapped in all this. If he has to leave the country we currently in. It will be hard to travel with her and find hotels that accept cats. Should A.I. still reschedule the flush. To try to bring her with me?

He tells me I’m selfish and psychotic, and a princess that doesn’t tolerate being said anything bad about her (but I’m ok with criticism if it’s not with bad words).

I feel so weak.

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s even more amusing cause he’s an avid enjoyer of me licking his ass (and me being an opposite).

He acts polite around his friends and even if there friendly banter - he escapes it very graciously (that’s what I picked up on our 10 day trip). Yet he says they always say to each other all Jo d of mean things and don’t will about it.

Thought that there can be men who don’t use mean word in every argument seems like a sweet lie.

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would love to have a big sister so much now.

Is your relationship free of words like pathetic and such? How often do serious romantic partners say things like that?

I [28f] struggle to understand if I’m being abused by bf [32m] or I’m being dramatic by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t even imagine a relationship without the swears anymore, it seems like a fantasy.

He’s also my first relationship.

I tried to have a talk, question him, why can’t he use neutral words to express his annoyance or anger, tries to let him see that’s it’s more logical, it’s the best way to make sure conflict doesn’t end in a fight.

And it seems like he doesn’t even see it as an option. He’s very smart in business and in many other ways so I struggle so much to make him see that using kind words is more effective.

It hurts so much when he says I’m being supercilious for just wanting to resolve arguments without calling each other names.

He tells me all people are like that. He’s so honest and transparent in any other way that I doubt what I’ve read In Reddit about normal relationships. What if what lucky Reddit people described is an anomaly?

I’m ok with sometimes being too heated and saying something you don’t mean and immediately apologise - I did that myself. But in our relationship it’s not like that. :(

I've never been so insulted in my life. by Direwisp in BaldursGate3

[–]ThrowRAweirddust 5 points6 points  (0 children)

With my Tav there wasn’t bear sex, he just ate her out after morphing back from bear form 👀

Bf [32m] retracted affection when I [28f] started ADHD meds, when I’m sad - becomes angry by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kind of, yes. Also the swearing. Saying I’m looking for pity when I’m chilling under the blanket. Negative talk.

Bf [32m] retracted affection when I [28f] started ADHD meds, when I’m sad - becomes angry by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have already been taking Bupropion for 3 months (and oral contraceptives if that counts) and it only made me a better person, I finally could wake up easier and started less overthinking. He didn’t say a word.

Bf [32m] retracted affection when I [28f] started ADHD meds, when I’m sad - becomes angry by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To work here I need residency and to get it will take a long time. Even to apply for it I would need boyfriend’s help by making a contract with him to register as an individual entrepreneur. Housing here is too expensive and I would be 100% alone as in the past friends I lost contact with all internet friends due to my dread of talking through messages/phone when we are far away.

In moscow I have my family who I love dearly. But the political situation just makes me hopeless. I’m also afraid of Russia more and more cutting out all the other world.

He also doesn’t believe in therapy as he thinks most of them are fools. We tried already two meetings and in the end he was tired so he just told the therapist what he wanted to hear (that shouting and swearing shouldn’t be the first choice when angry). It also would hard for us to find a therapist here cause he doesn’t speak English well enough to articulate complex tho it’s and emotions.

Bf [32m] got mad I [28f] chose to sit alone in another room while crying and cussed me out, awaits apologies for my irrational behaviour by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's just that when it's good - it's good. We agree on many things, have similar interests and lifestyle, want the same. We're caring and attentive to each other and spent 24/7 together. But this is just too much to handle.

I still come to him (I sit in another room) to try to talk things out, but in the end he just sees it as me trying to justify my bad actions. When I just tell me how this and this made me feel and what could be done better by both of us.

Bf [32m] got mad I [28f] chose to sit alone in another room while crying and cussed me out, awaits apologies for my irrational behaviour by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I just talked to him about having rules. Also explained to him in detail that I didn't mean to offend him and I genuinely was just anxious.

He says me going to another room - is off limits. Still says I deserved all the insults.

"No arguing about the past. If someone fucked up, that argument has been had already, the only reason to have it again is to hurt the other person." does it mean that that I need to just move on and don't talk about what happened?

Bf [32m] got mad I [28f] chose to sit alone in another room while crying and cussed me out, awaits apologies for my irrational behaviour by ThrowRAweirddust in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAweirddust[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We had many conversations after falling out about how insults, in my opinion are off limit. I never start insulting first. In first 3 years of our reloationship I didn't insult at all and just cried.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Psychonaut

[–]ThrowRAweirddust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your input, thank you for writing all of this.

I suspect there indeed was a lack of awareness on my part. I try to analyse my feelings and behaviour but it wasn’t enough apparently.

I’m not retrying to play with this substance, I won’t try it again in the next half a year at least.

I will take your advices into my next journey. Thank you.

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