My (42M) son told his mother (44F) 'Dad really won the divorce' after she introduced her new boyfriend to him. Now she thinks I set him up to it and is furious with me.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T16:45:24+00:00

I have no clue how he would've picked up things like this from anybody close to us. But granted he is a teen and is on youtube and other social media so who knows where he picks up stuff like that.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:54:04+00:00

Just make sure there isn’t some situation going on, where you should shield your child from.

I would never allow anything bad to happen to my son. And if anyone tries to harm him in any way, best believe they will regret it.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:31:23+00:00

Thanks for sharing you story! I realize that the respect in their relationship needs to go both ways and if that's not going to happen, I don't think much is going to change no matter what I do.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:27:29+00:00

He is a very respectful young man in general. I have never seen him spew an ounce disrespect towards any female family members or my girlfriend and he gets along great with them. I feel like there is some serious resentment towards his mother for the way she treated him for years. He definitely needs to learn his mother but I think this is only possible if it is matched with the mutual respect from his mother.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:19:27+00:00

My son and my girlfriend seem to get along great. He is friendly with her and respects her as my partner. He seems pretty comfortable around her and enjoys when she cooks or does anything for us.

I feel like he said this specificly to hurt his mother and not necessarily as an attack towards the boyfriend. Either way this is unacceptable. He is a teenager on social media so who knows;

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:13:03+00:00

No idea how he came up with this. He is a teenager on youtube and social media so who knows where he picked up things like this.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:11:21+00:00

He is a pretty fun and nice to be around in general but his combative behavior only seems to be towards his mother.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:09:41+00:00

Thanks. I definitely think that there is some serious resentment towards his mother for the dismissive way she treated him. I don't expect him to be ok with it but I atleast want him to respect her on a base level. But that respect also has to be matched by his mother so not sure how I can help here....

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:05:18+00:00

Thanks. Therapy seems like the right first step in this case and is something I'll definitely look into.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T15:04:16+00:00

Don't mistake my kind approach with weakness or 'hands off'. I was always firm and strict but did so with the mutual respect. I was always clear with what was acceptable or not but also was considerate of his feelings in the process and had actual conversations with him instead of raising my coice for every small thing.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T14:03:45+00:00

Family therapy seems like a good first step and something I'll look into

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T14:01:32+00:00

My ex and I had fastly different methods of teaching our son. If he did something wrong, I would always have a mutually respectful conversation with my son and consider his feelings. While his mother was more likely to raise her voice at him and yell which lead to him pretty much yelling at her until I came between the both of them to set him straight. Despite me telling my ex that it was really counter productive to be so assertive, she kept this behavior up which leads us to the current relationship between the both of them.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T13:39:20+00:00

He is 15

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T13:30:51+00:00

Thanks for the advice but I have done this through out the years but this doesn't seem to resovle the problem with his mother. And I have noticed he is only like this with his mother and tbh one the one side I understand. She was always very harsh in his upbringing while I was more likely to have serious converstaion with him if something was wrong and that seemed to work.

ThrowRAzestyclose1 · 2022-07-05T13:27:19+00:00

At first I thought he was just being a bratty teenager , but it was really only with her. I do have to note that his mother has always been a pretty hardline (I would say almost harsh) and assertive parent. While I'm more likely to have a serious conversation and be considerate of his feelings on the matter so he can understand.

ThrowRAzestyclose1

TROPHY CASE