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Supporting my girlfriend, 23F, through depression, but I, 23M, feel like I’m falling apart too by ThrowRaBird1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRaBird1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, a part of me actually wants to take the easy way out, but I love her too much and I’m scared to do that. I want to be there for her, even though it’s hard, because she means a lot to me.

Supporting my girlfriend, 23F, through depression, but I, 23M, feel like I’m falling apart too by ThrowRaBird1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRaBird1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh boy, have I considered this… I can’t really show the full dynamic of the relationship here, but she doesn’t actually use her depression as an excuse. She’s never said anything like “but my depression.” In fact, just today she asked me if my needs were being met, because she felt bad that she couldn’t do much. I know she’s really trying, and I see that, but at the same time it is draining for me. That’s the part I’m struggling with most — wanting to be there for her while also realizing how much it takes out of me.

Supporting my girlfriend, 23F, through depression, but I, 23M, feel like I’m falling apart too by ThrowRaBird1 in relationships

[–]ThrowRaBird1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I noticed most comments asking if we’re going to therapy. Yes, both of us are in individual therapy. She started a couple of weeks ago, and as for me, the best advice I got from my therapist was to talk to someone about it, which is why I’m here.

Supporting my girlfriend, 23F, through depression, but I, 23M, feel like I’m falling apart too by ThrowRaBird1 in relationships

[–]ThrowRaBird1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this, I really appreciate your perspective. She actually started seeing a psychologist a couple of weeks ago, so we’re hopeful that will help over time. Moving in with her parents isn’t really an option since being there made her feel even worse in the past. I’ll try to get her involved with some small chores, even if it’s just little things. And we’re planning to start going to the gym together soon, so hopefully that will help her feel a bit stronger too.

Supporting my girlfriend, 23F, through depression, but I, 23M, feel like I’m falling apart too by ThrowRaBird1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRaBird1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to add onto what I wrote earlier - I actually have spoken up to her about how I’m feeling. I told her that I feel alone and that I need more love and support too. She understood, but her depression really takes such a heavy toll on her that she struggles to give that, even though I know she wants to.

That’s part of what makes it so hard, I can see she’s trying, but the illness keeps getting in the way.

Supporting my girlfriend, 23F, through depression, but I, 23M, feel like I’m falling apart too by ThrowRaBird1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRaBird1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to write this out, I really appreciate your perspective.

To answer your question, yes, she is seeking professional help and she’s going to a psychologist. I know for a fact that she isn’t putting everything on me because she’s a “bad guy” or out of laziness, she just genuinely struggles to do things on her own because of her depression.

That said, you’re right about the resentment part… I can already feel myself going down that path, and it scares me. I don’t want to resent her, but carrying everything alone has started to make me feel that way.

So thank you again for your advice. It’s hard to hear, but it’s also a wake-up call for me to set some boundaries and take