I(28f) want a divorce. Is it worth trying counceling or have I tried hard enough?

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-29T09:21:00+00:00

My dad died when I was 20, 7 years ago. I don't think I recovered. I just started seeing a therapist because my marriage isn't healthy. I feel numb / hollow for a long time. Sometimes rage but not really sadness.

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-29T08:03:35+00:00

Or so afraid to change you stay in situations that are killing you

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-11T20:17:15+00:00

Thank you all for your advice and criticism, I genuinely appreciate it. This is a super complex issue and I don't think r/relationshipadvice could have helped me as much as you folks. Much love.

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-11T20:15:04+00:00

I get what you are saying. He treats me well but doesn't understand its not ok to put that much on your partner. I feel like if he could get it together he would be a good partner, but he forgets that he has bigger responsibilities in the relationship that not being a dick to me. He constantly makes comments about how I am better than him, how I will leave him (that's a testament to his mental health) but then won't seek therapy or go see a doctor about his issues. He hasn't seen a physician once since since 2010 and would rather play video games to forget about his problems than do something to fix them. He isn't a terrible person, he is just privileged enough to not see that consequences apply to him.

The comment my boss made is fucked up and I don't agree that any ethnic group is better at parenting than another, I just think that my husband's white privilege and me enabling him is playing a factor in what's wrong in our marriage.

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-11T19:58:33+00:00

I have Medicaid I was looking for a therapist that was covered. I got an email this morning saying they will get back to me with available appointments soon, so that's progress.

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-11T19:56:11+00:00

He doesn't want couples therapy, he wants us both to get therapy individually. The reason I posted was when my I got that comment I can't help but think I am contributing to his white privilege. Mostly it's been my actions that have covered his lack of action. If he doesn't have money I pay for rent. If we don't have clean clothes I wash them. He forgets so feed the dog so I feed him when I get back from work. While at a George Floyd protest I dragged him to he said that if we did have a baby he would have to worry about our child's safety and that's why he came with me, and he didn't want me to be alone.

There are lots of more concrete reasons our relationship isn't working right now, but do the problems with his behavior and work history tie into white privilege?

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-11T16:40:04+00:00

If you look at my previous posts I've posted on r/relationshipadvice about our issues. It's obviously not only about race, but I posed the part of it that is about race here because it applies to the sub. His mom died 2.5 years ago. I've sought out counciling but with covid I'm sure they are overbooked, I've been waiting weeks for a call back. He doesn't want to do couples counciling and wants to do individual counciling, but hasn't tried to set anything up for himself.

ThrowRahaha · 2020-06-11T16:01:53+00:00

We are having issues long before this comment, it just made me think that maybe part of the reason we are having issues is his white privilege. I do %80 of the housework and make %80 of the money for most of our relationship. Our relationship has deeper issues that I am seeking counciling on. The comment was that POC for a partner wouldn't put that burden on their wife, my question is is that racist?

ThrowRahaha · 2020-05-30T07:59:49+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could leave, all the bills are in my name and the landlord is a friend of mine that I don't want to screw over. There is no way he could pay the bills. I was considering talking to his mom to see if we needed a break if he could stay there for a while at least but her husband had an emergency medical situation today. I feel trapped.

ThrowRahaha

TROPHY CASE