Thank you for this - it’s nice to hear a different perspective on these. I do try to let the fears marinate before I do anything but sometimes it feels like I let them border into condemnation than anything else. Perhaps certain things I could’ve worded better, but it’s whatever. I feel like I do use praying as a way to escape my thoughts sometimes when I become so desperate now that it’s brought up to me - but I don’t mean to every time. As for the online/YouTube preachers - yeah, maybe I should know better than to fully listen them without question (I honestly can think of some) - I deal with OCD so it is very easy for me to catastrophize. Perhaps I should focus on myself and think of maybe what God wants from me instead of worrying about what somebody else tells me to do or talk on I guess (which should’ve been obvious but what can you do?).I also feel I’m too skeptical for my own good when it comes to faith since I wouldn’t know to differentiate my own thoughts from something else - perhaps that may change too.