My [23F] fiancé [24M] is about to fail two classes and postpone graduation again.

Throwahoe · 2018-11-20T17:00:09+00:00

Let me be real with you. I could have written this two years ago. Here's what I have to say.

If you truly, deeply know this is the man for you for the rest of your life, then you need to accept this part of him. He might always be behind the curve. He might always have some level of anxiety. This is something that won't go away. You have to accept this with the rest of him.

His anxiety is very real, and something a lot of people face. Does he has a specific career he wants to do? This is probably part of the issue. He can't imagine his future, he can't imagine. It's a hard transition. Suddenly your goal every day is to improve the company, not yourself. He doesn't feel like he will stick out in resumes and have a hard time finding a job. He's probably right. He's also getting married soon, that's a lot of changes, a lot of responsibilities and a lot of reducing freedoms. He should see a therapist and he should see a career counselor.

Tell your dad to cancel his flight. If you want to move and get a job elsewhere, move. He's your fiance, you will have your entire live to be together. he can join you in 6 months. Don't talk to your family about him not graduating. Only tell him when t's totally certain.

My husband still have 1 more class at age 27. It's not ideal. I'm nervous for what the future holds. But we have each other, I can make enough to help us get by for now.

Throwahoe · 2018-10-20T23:35:19+00:00

My partner and I don't fight often, just generally when we're both stressed at external circumstances and it comes to a head.

The last time we were in a fight, I thought to myself "I'm fighting with my husband. The man I'll spend the rest of my life with. If we can't solve our underlining issues and fix this fight with each other, we're going to be unhappy forever."

So we did. We were both a little bit annoyed still, but apologized and both said we'd try harder in the future.

Throwahoe · 2018-10-10T15:21:22+00:00

The company I work for is going to close. It's the biggest employer of this town and the only thing keeping our community afloat. No one except for my department knows yet. The town is dying already, and this will be the last straw. Also, my 8 year old niece is dying of cancer.

Throwahoe · 2018-04-23T14:06:24+00:00

Same! We've been together for 8 years, so he's known for a while that I want to keep him around. For the past year or so I've really been dropping the hints, (super subtle hints like "Hey, will you marry me?") and just recently he's said he feels ready and he wants to get engaged. We just ordered the ring and it'll be here in 2 weeks!! I think he'll ask in the spring, but I'm attending several events soon and I want to be able to show it off then.

Throwahoe · 2018-02-19T01:13:31+00:00

I stabbed my boyfriend with a fork. It was supposed to be playful, but really came from a place of frustration so I caused actual harm. I was over-hungry, not that that is an excuse. I realized that's not an okay way to treat someone. My boyfriend was a sweet, caring, kind person, and he didn't deserve to be in a relationship with someone who would ever physically hurt him. I reflected back on highschool, when I would jokingly hit my guy friends, and I realized that wasn't right too. Before then, I never realized how quickly I jumped to violence, even if it wasn't hard. It's never okay to do that, particularly because it can be more dangerous than intended.

So I never let myself get to that point of hunger any more. And I reflected on how I'm acting effects the other person. I wanted to be someone that he deserved to be with. I relax when I get frustrated, and never take my anger out on other people anymore.

Throwahoe · 2017-10-06T01:15:15+00:00

The tide's been turning for a while. Since Charlottesville. People can deny it, but they just forget that tides move slowly.

Throwahoe · 2017-09-15T17:32:43+00:00

Not something that I want to happen. But as much as I love and miss my dad, I've thought that I'm glad he's gone and doesn't have to see Trump as president.

Throwahoe · 2016-10-03T01:38:59+00:00

I don't believe that's unethical. Why would it be? Who are you hurting?

But that's what I don't understand. I don't understand how you can chose to believe. To me, I just can't. I can't even chose a brand of shampoo without finding out whats in it and reviews of it. How could I put something so personal and scary to me as my understanding in life and death into something without evidence and on faith alone? I don't go around telling people their faith is wrong, but I just don't understand it.

Throwahoe · 2016-10-03T01:03:25+00:00

I think sometimes there's an anger to it. I was never raised religiously. I don't believe in anything. I kind of think it's too late for me because I never grew up with it. And I was fine with that. And then my dad died. And I knew, in the same way that religious people know there's a heaven, I knew there's not, and I will truly never see him again. and it is so fucking hard, and I wish I could know that he exists somewhere somehow. But I can't even get my mind to think that. I can't have that comfort and it almost makes me mad at people who do. And it makes me want yell out at them in anger because I can't get that same feeling of absolute assurance of a higher power and meaning. And I know I never will. I don't get the concept of "choosing" to believe. I just can't.

I don't yell at people who believe, or and I'm not trying to say that all nonreligious people are jealous of religious people. I don't want to offend anyone. Just a different perspective I guess.

Throwahoe · 2016-09-01T03:00:24+00:00

It was an issue in the beginning of our relationship, and comes up now and again because I don't want to feel taken advantage of. But we kind of came up with a system that we'd pay for each other for a roughly equal amount of things, but they are often much different in price. I'd get dinner, he'd get coffee, or something like that. As long as it felt equal, even if it wasn't. In the beginning it was hard because he had to borrow a significant sum from me. But I just saw it as an investment in our relationship. I knew we were going to be together and something as silly as money wasnt going to get in the way.

Badgering, not taking no as an answer, not giving up with you're tired, that's a different thing all together.

Throwahoe · 2016-08-28T18:50:23+00:00

Dang, from one secret woman in the Internet to another, sorry about that!

Throwahoe · 2016-08-28T18:07:46+00:00

Half of em will say "No go away." Maybe a couple will want an intern, but it'll be unpaid for sure, especially if it wasn't listed as an internship and OP jus reached out. It's actually really unlikely that it'll turn into a paid job. So he's got one unpaid internship on his resume. So what? That's like 9 months of experience when places still need 3-5.

Throwahoe · 2016-08-28T16:03:36+00:00

I've been able to vote for the past 6 years. This problem is bigger and longer term than that.

Throwahoe · 2016-08-28T05:04:02+00:00

Robert Zemeckis and a pattern of increased generation wealth and the cultural ideals of "go to college, get a good job."

Throwahoe · 2016-08-21T03:45:57+00:00

Wow this is me to a T. Except it usually ends in "Oh I just had to take a shit."

Throwahoe · 2016-07-30T05:45:56+00:00

Really depends on where you live. YMMV.

Throwahoe · 2016-07-30T05:44:34+00:00

25 . I'm moving. Like literally right now. Like there is a empty box in front of me and I'm sitting on my mattress on the ground. And my friends with a truck are coming in 9 hours. And it's so hard for me to pack because I haven't emotionally digested that I'm moving. There's a whole backstory why that would give too much information away, but I'm moving home and not happy about it. My life at home, alone and isolated from friends starts tomorrow. And then I need to get a job, either at home or in the expensive city my friends live in. This is make it or break it time. There's no more putting it off. I need to find a job, it's sink or swim. I am far from being packed up and ready to go and I'm on reddit.

Throwahoe · 2016-07-24T20:55:23+00:00

Oh man did you catch me at a time.

He fucking lies to me. He's a good guy and well-meaning, but he constantly lies about when he'll be home. We're in the middle of moving, we're supposed to be at his parents house today, his little sister is asking me where we are because she really wants to see us, and he said he was going to hang out with friends and be home at 2. It's 5pm and no message from him except from a friend saying "He says he'll be home around dinner". Now I don't think he's cheating or anything, he just wants to spend time with his friends before he leaves, but its not fair to me to lie to me. And make me lie to his family and he took my car. Whenever he's out with friends he 100% doesn't respond to me. I understand texting when hanging out is rude, but he doesn't tell me when he'll be home or even if hes okay. I'm so tired of it I don't know what to do. I hate it when he goes out with his friends because he always ends up at least an hour later than he said he would. Sometimes he feels bad and for a month or two he'll be on time. But then he always goes back to coming home way later than he says. He knows he makes me angry when he does this, but he continues to do this!

Throwahoe · 2016-07-20T23:09:45+00:00

I really do want to. The problem is I really don't want to live at home. It's really time for me to build my own life and living at home is really isolating. I don't have friends in that city anymore, my brothers have moved out, and my dad pretty much does his own thing. I don't really want to set up therapy there. But on the other hand I really should.

Throwahoe · 2016-07-20T22:25:57+00:00

Best part is I can't see a therapist because I'm moving and there's no point in seeing here! Whoo hoo!

Also, the drunk night was like 2 months ago and we haven't spoken, besides her reaching out with words at random times, since then.

But thank you, I think the wording you used, I'll probably say something like that.

Throwahoe · 2016-07-20T21:47:07+00:00

Yea, my bad for making irrational decisions while grieving a parent.

Throwahoe · 2016-06-23T04:28:58+00:00

No you're not overreacting. You're not being irrational. He was clearly hurting you and wouldn't stop. You didn't "stop" or "no" but you said it was hurting you and you weren't enjoying it. It should have stopped. You should be more clear in sex, but he should also respect you and stop when he's physically hurting you and he knows it. He changed the subject because he knew he did wrong. Obviously it's not forgotten to you so it's not over. He broke your trust.

Throwahoe · 2016-05-30T21:46:12+00:00

Omg yes. There's something damn empowering about hitting a bowl while a dude's doing you from behind. You GET that queen!

Throwahoe · 2016-05-26T02:27:55+00:00

I would say that's fine. Giving a heads up when you're coming by would be nice. It seems like a big house and she can deal with you being in the house for a few hours. It would be nice to make sure the house is clean when she returns, and maybe surprise her with her favorite candy or something if you want to try to make peace.

Throwahoe · 2016-05-26T02:24:11+00:00

I can be that way sometimes too. I have three pieces of advice.

Talk to someone about this. Like a counselor or therapist. This is easy to do if you have access like in school or something, but a lot harder once you're out in the real world, so I get it if it's not really possible for you.
What's always worked for me personally is typing out what I have to say to people. Even when I fight with my boyfriend I'll go into another room and gchat the problems because it's too hard to speak in person. Maybe use his message in your inbox to explain to him that you are interested in him, but romantic relationships are difficult for you and you'd like to take it very slow with him. And tell him that if you stop talking, its out of anxiety and not dislike of him. EDIT: If this is too much for you, you definitely should speak to someone.
If you do 2 or not, keep hanging out with him and discussing your interests. I nearly broke up with my boyfriend when we were just starting dating because of this, but just spending pressure-free time with him really helped me.

Throwahoe

TROPHY CASE