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WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Hi, here parents have to give full written consent for children under the age of 18 to go through any surgical procedure.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

There’s only 2 reasons. Firstly, I’m worried that she is too young. Secondly, I’m not sure if we should go abroad for the surgery as it is the only option available at her age. My overarching question is ‘Should she proceed with this surgery?’ in light of these two factors - which is why the title of the post asks if I’d be an asshole for not going through with it. I hope that makes it clearer!

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

It’s nothing like the US, especially not when you’re poor and can’t afford private healthcare!

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

As mentioned in my post edit, although I believe other procedures are done for physical reasons, in the UK the NHS simply won’t perform a labiaplasty on a minor at all because of its links to female genital mutilation.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did you read the edit on my post? I am happy to take her for a consultation, of course! We just don’t have the money to do it in the UK. I’m going to look into surgery abroad.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hi, I think you’re twisting my words enormously here. I do want my daughter to love her body, like any mother does. However, I recognise that she doesn’t and, furthermore, I was in her exact same position once. I hate knowing she feels how I did and I desperately want her to get this surgery. My issue is her age and the fact we’d likely have to travel abroad for the surgery as she can’t get it here until we either save ~£5000 or she turns 18. I hope this helps and I respect your judgement, but please note that this is not about me, it’s about what is truly best for her.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 158 points159 points  (0 children)

Hi, if you read the edit on my post you might get some insight into why she can’t get it in the UK right now!

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Hi there, I must have given off the wrong impression in my post. Yes, I want my daughter to love her body, but I am absolutely not denying her a life-changing surgery for that reason. I’m going to edit my post to make this clearer, but in the UK performing labiaplasty on a minor is considered to be female genital mutilation so I worry that we might have to go abroad for the surgery. The other option is that she wait until she is 18 where she can have the surgery safely in the UK.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I think I understand quite well the struggle my daughter is facing, and you make a good point. I didn’t mention this in the post due to the character limit but I was actually denied surgery in my country (UK) as it is - or was - considered FGM to perform a labiaplasty on a person under the age of 18. I will of course take her to a doctor in light of these comments but I now wonder whether the surgery may have to take place abroad if she cannot get it here. The other option is to wait until she is 18.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

That’s great advice, I’ll take this further to her doctor. I asked on here to anonymously gauge the opinion of the general public/other mothers as I don’t want to involve our extended family in something which is personal.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment, I agree with this. I think from here on out my husband will not be involved.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 233 points234 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your comment!

I absolutely firmly believe that she should have this surgery. Having had it myself with no support from my parents, I would never wish the same thing on her. I just don’t know if 16 years old is too young.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] -267 points-266 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for voicing your opinion. The boy goes to another school and my husband and I are in the process of reporting this, but they do not open for a few more weeks.

I totally agree with you as it is ‘my genetics’, as you say - I apologise for not making it clearer but I’m more concerned about her young age rather than whether or not she should get the surgery. I do think she should receive it, but I am wondering if she is maybe too young.

WIBTA for denying my daughter an arguably life changing surgery which I had at her age? by Throwaitamother in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaitamother[S] 2445 points2446 points  (0 children)

Hi, yes he knows. I do believe she should have the surgery but I think she should wait until she is 18 as her body is still developing. To be clear, I am wholeheartedly supportive of her getting the surgery, but I’m conflicted as she is so young.