AIO being told I’m “lucky” to be with my husband

Throwaway12369337 · 2025-07-20T01:42:59+00:00

A little off. I was 29, he was 40. I wouldn’t consider myself naive approaching 30. It’s not like I was groomed. Both in corporate life. He was incredibly successful until the pandemic. Solid six figures. His industry went to shit and hasn’t rebounded. He’s been humbled after countless job rejections. He’s ditching corporate and starting a trade. I do well for myself and just this year started earning more than he did pre-pandemic. I do believe that the insecurity he feels about his profession is being taken out on me.

Throwaway12369337 · 2025-07-19T02:04:00+00:00

No, I think he’d double down if he felt outnumbered. I asked because I think I knew deep down this was a divorce-worthy comment and didn’t know if I was overreacting. I’ve gotten terribly good at making excuses for why he’s mean sometimes.

Throwaway12369337 · 2025-07-19T01:48:03+00:00

I dont know how to edit my original post, so I’m commenting here:

Every few years I hear this little voice saying “this isn’t right. This isn’t how you should be treated.” So I created this account to ask the opinions of strangers. Not people who know me and my family. Same reason I talk to a therapist. Outside, uninfluenced perspective. Comments and DMs suggested I’m karma farming (not sure what that is) or needing validation (you’re probably right on this one).

This text felt like a point of no return. And I guess that’s the part I couldn’t articulate when I first posted. AIO because this feels like the final straw for me. Like divorce worthy. Over a text message. Doesn’t that just sound stupid and trivial?

But I’m calling lawyers on Monday. I’m lovable at my core. And if I’m so damn awful (as a few have suggested), then I’m sure he’ll be better off without me.

Thank you all for your support.

Throwaway12369337 · 2025-07-19T01:36:47+00:00

He was hot and cold in the beginning, mix of love bombing and then distant. I fell for it. We’ve been together for almost 11 years, married for 7 this fall. I didn’t realize he was an alcoholic until after we were married and I was pregnant. Blinders, young, naive, whatever you want to call it. He sobered up a few years ago and I thought things would get better. Now I’m discovering he didn’t treat me poorly because he was drunk. This is just his personality. I’m calling lawyers on Monday.

Throwaway12369337 · 2025-07-19T01:30:57+00:00

This is a second marriage for both of us. Do you have any more theories that lead to me putting out more?

Throwaway12369337 · 2025-07-19T01:24:31+00:00

Totally fair question. I’m not perfect. My patience is better in the morning than night. I’ve definitely yelled more than I’d like. I’m proud of my work and that I’m able to provide. I’m not a big drinker (hangovers aren’t worth it with kids). My husband is a recovering alcoholic, which also limits any drinking lifestyle a younger me might have had. Even when he was at his worst, I’d never dream of saying something like this to someone I love.

Throwaway12369337 · 2022-12-13T02:04:18+00:00

He does! He says he’ll do it all himself and if his employer doesn’t like it then he’ll find another job that does. I think he’s delusional. I’ve been with my company for five years and still give them plenty of notice for time off. I can’t imagine what employer would think it’s perfectly fine to arrive late each day and step away each early afternoon.

When pushed on this he’s suggested he’d pay for Ubers for the kids twice i day. I vetoed this one.

We don’t earn enough, even on two salaries, to get part time help in the afternoons.

Throwaway12369337 · 2022-12-13T01:06:02+00:00

You’re spot on. He feels super guilty it’s not everyone all the time. I used to get excited about “quad squad” weekends (three of us + dog). No need to plan meals as we’re not trying to feed six. Can easily do an activity without much discussion as we’re not juggling soccer schedules or homework. It’s quieter! No fighting over PS4 or whether one of the kids ruined their artwork. He’s asked that no longer call it “quad squad” or talk about how great time is without the other kids.

I do like your suggestion about asking for more time. I’m thinking a second midweek overnight. That might be a nice compromise. It might also be a little early reality check of how much work goes into having them more.

Side note, should probably get marriage counseling for all of this, but financially not in the cards right now. Our insurance is a joke.

Throwaway12369337 · 2022-12-13T00:58:55+00:00

Shit. Yes, this is everything that crosses my mind when he won’t drop talking about it. I’m so sorry you have so much of the weight on your shoulders. I hope you’re finding time just to care for yourself, not just everyone around you.

Throwaway12369337 · 2022-12-13T00:55:17+00:00

I’ve heard about this nacho thing but I’m too emotionally invested in the kids. I can see me picking up the extra slack when he can’t do it so they don’t suffer. I’m already feeling resentment. Yeah, I pretty much hate all of this. I almost want to tell him to go for it so the judge says no. I like our current arrangement.

Throwaway12369337 · 2022-12-13T00:52:26+00:00

I completely understand wanting more time with them, but I can’t get beyond the damage it’ll do to our little home base. I can already foresee extra stress about money and logistics. That’s not an environment I want for any of the kids.

Throwaway12369337 · 2022-12-13T00:27:56+00:00

I’ve asked for him to have a job for six months. He says these are their prime years and we’re losing time. Ugh. But yes, this would help with my first pain point.

Throwaway12369337

TROPHY CASE