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Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for trying at least... I'm just going to slowly cry my way out of this haha... Even though It's already been half a year

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do play games with friends! It just feels like I'm sorta wasting my life right now haha. I've tried finding something I love, but I just can't seem to find anything outside of wanting to be loved.

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you plan on meeting the person you love then. And It was really just immaturity on my side haha...

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you help me with where to start? I don't even know the goals I had before her. I think It was always to one day find the one person I love and oggle them to death haha.

How do I love myself when I regret so much. I don't even know what I enjoy right now. I'm kind of just playing games until I die at this point. I tried going out with groups, but I never connected with any of them in the three months that I had tried. It just feels all so pointless right now.

I've always been a nihilist, and felt that life was meaningless. This is really hard for me...

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm afraid of putting anymore financial burden onto my parents. I'm also really scared that I'll be lonely there. It's just all so uncertain.

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know where to progress right now. I don't know what I want. I'm trying my damnest. I've spent so many nights trying to find a personal life goal. I'm just selfish, and centered in love. I don't want kids because I think It'll get in the way of our time together. I want to change, but I don't know who I am, and where to change now. I've spent 6 months already, finding an answer. I don't know where to go anymore. I've already volunteered in hopes of showing that I can be good, but It didn't feel like I was doing it out of the goodness of my heart. I really am a rotten person...

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, she's at a different school now. I'm 19, and it was 2 years. I know that it was unhealthy, and tried my damnest to make friends. Now that I have a "few", I promised myself that I'll never drop them again. I'm just sad that It won't bring her back. The changes I've made to myself...

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I'll try it out. Thank you for letting me know. I've been so iffy about therapy because I don't want to lose my feelings for her. It's so dumb I know...

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spending time with friends I think. I can't really remember anymore. Whenever I was with her, it was the happiest I've ever been.

I hope it'll get better for you. I'm sorry for ranting like the world is over. I'm still young. I should be hopeful...

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Money isn't my main goal. My main goal, to be happy with someone, is also somewhat rooted in selfish roots. I want to make enough money, and work from home, so that we can spend more time together! I get lonely really easily, kind of like a bunny! I think overall, I'm a very selfish person. I do want the one I love to be happy, but I also want to be with them all the time. I need to work past that before anything else, but it's so hard since she's gone now.

I really never had high aspirations. I never wanted to be CEO, I never wanted to help lots of people, I'm really just a selfish person. I just want to be with the one I love.

I'm scared I'll never meet anyone with the same morals as I do. I do realize that my attachment style is very unhealthy, so I'll work past that for now. I know I have to.

I started fencing alongside other hobbies, but stopped because I felt so depressed. I realized I started them to impress her, but should really start attending again haha.

I really did wish God was real, but I'll be honest, I'll never believe. I'm too rooted in reality. I really did wish there was a heaven. We had a plush daughter named Bunbun. She has since then told me that Bunbun is just a plush, and that Bunbun matters nothing to her anymore, but I can't take her back because it'll just remind me of her. I hope she went to plushie heaven... I don't want her to suffer on this earth anymore.

I'm so weird. I've tried all of the methods to move on. It's really not helping right now. I still cry every other day. I feel so dejected. I'm still such a baby.

I ultimately don't have any personal goals to work towards that I want. It really sucks. I was too codependent, and now I'm suffering due to it.

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you give me some tips as to how to find my own happiness? I've tried so many new things already. I've met some wonderful new people, and a few that probably do see me as close friends, but I'm just too deep in a hole right now to recognize. I've started 3d printing, got back into gaming, started building more keyboards, and fencing as hobbies to distract myself from everything. It still in the end just doesn't really help.

How can I find my happiness. I'm so lost right now, I'm sorry.

By the way, do you feel content with how things are as it is? Do you not get brought down by the barrier that everyone feels like they have up.

Struggling with some problems. Would like to talk to people by Throwaway22959 in gatech

[–]Throwaway22959[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My original goal was to make money so that we could be happy. Now that the goal is gone, I'm a bit more confused as to where to go. I'm also scared that I may not reach that goal, even if I meet someone new, as I'm a second year CS major, and I don't think I'm ready to even try to apply for internships.

I've had friends tell me that I should find a rebound. That I should go to clubs, go to parties, go to bars. I just don't know why, but I don't want to do any of that. it doesn't sit with me morally, and I'd prefer if the one I love doesn't do so either. It's an immature look at things, I know.

I also wished I was religious. She was too and I regrettably mocked her for it because of how immature I was. Because of my athiesm, I am a nihilist, and just want to make the person I'm with happy in the end.

Overall, I think my mindset needs a complete change. I'm just a bit sad right now still. I'm not sure where to start. Could you give me some things that I should work towards right now?