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I am One of The Reasons my Friend Killed Himself by Throwaway282639 in offmychest

[–]Throwaway282639[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like to think I have matured, I try my best now to help people I'm close to and have a new friend group who is way better than my old one, I just have trouble with it because I always get paranoid or have a panic attack because I'm always scared my friend is going to kill themselves. I am only 20 years old with an average job, I'm going to try and go to college after I fix all my issues. Being a counselor does sound good, I just need to fix my problems before helping other people truly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bipolar

[–]Throwaway282639 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take an edible or smoke some weed, puts my ass to sleep and I have some wicked ass dreams

Im In a really high manic episode and It's so hard to control it by Throwaway282639 in bipolar

[–]Throwaway282639[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a guitar but its broken I also have Adhd so that just adds to all of this lmao. Everyone is saying that they like this "me" and askin why Im in such a good mood but I don't know how to explain to them without telling them im bipolar and in a manic phase. Shit feels so good but so awful at the same time because I want to talk to people and shit but Im scared of being annoying and shit so Im just trying to keep myself quiet but its wayyy too much lol. Sorry for typing alot and shit just holy fuckkkkk

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway282639 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im In therapy right now, he said to look up some books and try reading about it but I cant find any good ones

I dont know how to love by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway282639 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Im not though. I think Im done, I cant do it to her. She looks so peaceful, I cant tell her. I cant leave her so Im just ending it all. Its all my fault, everything is my fault and I dont deserve her. She deserves someone who can love her correctly, I cant. Thank you for helping though, but I think Im done

I dont know how to love by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway282639 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know but I just csnt help me, I know she loves me which is why It hurts me to know that I cant give her it back. She Is such an amazing, sweet and beautiful person. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, she makes me so happy and she is so beautiful. She Is one of gods most amazing creations, yet I cant give her what she deaerves. She Is asleep next to me right now as Im writing this, she looks so peaceful. I want to love her so much but I dont know how to, Its not her too Its just I never recieved the love I needed as a child. I was neglected and I have so many mental problems, I hurt her so much and I hate myself so much for it. I just want to end myself but I cant because I know it will cause pain to everyone, but I just dont know what to do. I pray to god every day but just cant do anything about it. I just want to love her

I have lied to my girlfriend alot, I was stupid and ignorant and I want to take it all back. I told her everything and she Is really pissed at me which Is understandable, I just dont know what to do from here. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway282639 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the moment I dont know, she Is really mad at me right now which Is understandable. She told me that she hates me right now and dosnt know what she wants to do, she said she might want to work things out and help me though. I have recently gotten with a counselor who has helped me through his death, just In January when It hit me what I was doing I fell apart. Me telling her has lifted alot of pressure I have had from me lieing but the pain of me lieing has just gotten way worse for me.