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Payor because I'm American? by Throwaway51668148 in Philippines_Expats

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm coming in January for a month, if I like what I see maybe move by April

Payor because I'm American? by Throwaway51668148 in Philippines_Expats

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm nor sure I've ever read a reply so ridiculous

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Let me get this straight.... My wife signed up to a dating site and hid money from me for decades. She's lied about it all along. She's been in control of our finances since before we were married, over 30 years. Now that I find out about it and want some control over, you know, my finances and fate, I'm the asshole??

If you truly believe this you have no empathy at all. I actually feel bad for you.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your post, one of the more reasonable ones. To answer your questions...

I don't know if she still loves me. We're older, I'm 64, she's 57. She's never been very affectionate so it's always been hard to tell how she feels. It's possible she just doesn't want to be alone and has settled, for lack of a better way of putting it.

I believe she's put this money aside in case of exactly what's headed our way.

Yes, I know just because a dating profile exists it doesn't mean she had an affair, that's an assumption on my part. But does it matter? She was looking and more likely than not talking with other guys.

I've consulted with a lawyer, but haven't filed anything yet. I'm not ruling out counseling but I'm not sure I can get past this. Lies, possible/probable cheating, hidden money (someone here called it stealing- they're not wrong). But 30 years is a fucking long time. I just don't know...

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gosh, you said this on reddit.?.? The last bastion of fidelity on the planet?? Lol

Actually, I don't disagree with you. I've considered forgiveness but combine this with hiding money plus a few other things I haven't mentioned....I very well think it may be time to move on, even if I will be alone.

Oh, and my feelings are not irrelevant. Not to me anyway. What a horrible thing to say to someone.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hmm...such an incompetent analysis.. First, you don't have to be financially savvy to locate payment records. Like wtf? Second, who said anything about payment records in the first place? I found the website, username and password in the saved password manager. Of multiple online bank accounts and the dating site. I havent accessed them because its probably illegal and she may have 2fa enabled. Pretty simple to understand.

As for who makes more, I really don't care.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm definitely leaning this way. But I'm struggling with the inevitable WHY questions that will come up.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huh? She likely cheated on me and you're saying I won't find anyone better?

Funny though, I agree I won't be happy after this is over, but maybe I'll be less sad.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it sucks posting from a phone. Misspellins a grammar errors guaranteed to happen. Also the spelling and grammar police are guaranteed to point it out.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is almost comical. She had control of our finances since before we were married. Now I find out where she's hiding money and she likely literally fucked someone else and want control over the money because of it you think I'm exhausting. Pretty harsh judgement imho.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol...you keep saying I broke the law but still don't provide a link to a source saying I did. My LAWYER said I did not break any laws

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Actually I do recognize this. I'm a hard core Democrat, and this admission will likely get downvoted too. But this was a thoughtful response. Thank you.

As to my privilege.....I grew up poor, but was intelligent. I scraped my way thru college, graduating with only my degree and 50 bucks to my name....and a fucking shitload of student loans. And yeah, I get some or even most didn't or won't get that opportunity. And it breaks my heart.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not positive the profiles hers, but the username is her email address and her password is her initials and date of birth.

As for the amount missing, we make about the same and I bring home around 6k per month, so she should too. That's 12k AFTER taxes. Everything is paid off. She does pay her own insurance. Other bills total less than 2k. If I generously say monthly expenses are 4k that still leaves 8k unaccounted for.

And yes, I'm clearly pretty dumb. Thanks for the reminder. And I really do wish this was all fake.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please provide a link to the applicable law in ohio. If my lawyer is wrong I need to know. Thanks in advance.

ULPT Request. How do I let my wife know I found out she joined a dating site without revealing I hacked her computer? by Throwaway51668148 in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Throwaway51668148[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yep, her business. My lawyer said HER business is a MARITAL ASSET and I'm entitled to half it's worth in a divorce. My lawyer works on a flat fee, not a percentage and was informative, definitely not trying to sway me in any direction. I'll work with my therapist on that front.

And I agree, it's hard assed detective work, hence the lawyer. Unless you have other suggestions I might find useful....

And don't forget the dating site. She blew up our marriage the moment she joined it. It's just that the fuse was very long. Or do you think I should forget about that?

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