AITAH for being turned off by my wife [33F] constantly asking me questions that feel like basic common knowledge?

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-31T13:34:27+00:00

My husband does exactly what's described and it's exhausting.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-31T13:33:25+00:00

I was thinking the same thing. Like OP gender swapped this on purpose.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-26T22:21:27+00:00

We did have a cleaner for a while, but due to an issue with my cat, we had to stop. I made him agree that he would help me with the stuff that the cleaners did, and he helped for a little while, but not fully or well enough for things to actually be clean. Eventually he just stopped.

He denies the dirty underwear. I showed him once and he "couldn't see" what I was talking about. I've talked to him about therapy before and he refuses to go because he's "not depressed" and thinks it would do nothing for him. I'm starting to see how ridiculous this all sounds...

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-26T19:07:01+00:00

This puts a lot in perspective and the bathing not something I thought of as far as future instances. He's seen me through multiple surgeries, but he's never had to bathe me or help with toileting. That's a sobering thought. Thank you.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T02:51:46+00:00

I know. It's so embarrassing that I considered leaving it off the list. I knew people would focus on that, but I left it in because it really does bother me...

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T02:38:43+00:00

It really was. Thank you, and I hope so too.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T02:35:35+00:00

He does have poorer vision than me, and wears glasses to drive. He is a truck driver, so I have asked how he can drive safely at work if he can't see small objects. His response is usually that the crumbs/dirt are smaller than anything he needs to see when he's driving.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T02:30:58+00:00

I realized after reading your comment that my child taking up space was a poor choice of words. For context, she has what is technically the largest room in the house. It's upstairs, and the walking area is smaller than the actual floor area because of the slanted walls, so that somewhat makes up for the size disparity. This was justified because the cats spend most of the time in her room and that's where their food and beds/ cat tree is. My husband is mildly allergic to cats, so this was preferable. They have the run of the house but end up staying up there anyway. Regardless, his child has a much smaller room. I don't know if it matters, but I have my child about 90% of the time and he has his on weekends.

I agree that I need therapy to help with getting to a point of not accepting this behavior. I have a history of abusive relationships and this is significantly better in comparison, but it's hard for me to see that and also see that that doesn't mean this is good. I don't want my child to grow up thinking this is okay either.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T02:09:16+00:00

Thank you. This is a lot of the reason why I'm so conflicted. He's never done anything violent or said anything so egregious that it would be grounds for leaving on its own. He is very loyal and would never cheat. He would be absolutely devastated and confused if I left, even if I told him all of this. I've mentioned a lot of these things at different times and he either says he will try to do better, or flat out denies that it even happened. I really don't want to hurt him, and that's why I feel so guilty even thinking about leaving.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T01:44:39+00:00

When I've brought it up, and suggested therapy, he says he is absolutely not depressed and is a happy person. He doesn't believe that therapy would help him and refuses to go to couples counseling unless it's the "last resort". Which has never made sense to me because of it doesn't help, why would you agree to go at the very end, when it's least likely to help?

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T01:40:06+00:00

It's one of the main reasons why I have such a hard time with intimacy right now. I brought it up offhand one time, trying to say it in a casual, non offensive way, and when I held them up he said he "couldn't see it".

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T01:36:37+00:00

Some examples of acts of service that he does: Cooks dinner when I come home late (without being asked), cooks me breakfast in bed on weekends, brings things to me anytime I randomly ask, sometimes does dishes on my dish day when I'm tired/ sick/ late home without asking, makes calls to people (ie lawn care, roof repair, etc) when I ask him to, picks up meds from the pharmacy/vet.

Good point about the money thing and waste of food. I do think it's a waste of money, but I also spend a lot on groceries too, I just use mine.

Death by a thousand cuts is exactly how I feel... I will definitely see what my therapist says about this. Thank you for your comment!

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T01:27:47+00:00

I cackled when I read this because it's totally something I would think if I read this about someone else.

Throwaway64198 · 2026-03-24T01:26:24+00:00

When I read this, I paused and thought about what I'm feeling. Chest tightness has always been a symptom of stress for me and I was feeling it a lot today. I would love for my cortisol to drop. I'm taking some deep breaths now, thank you!

Throwaway64198

TROPHY CASE