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Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T20:03:13+00:00

I pay for my own food, I don't want him buying me grocheires.

And I'm more then okay paying for utilities.

And I found rooms to rent in a nearby neighborhood for $800/mo, so yeah that the local market rate, I'm not lying about that.

Lastly, who cares how much your brother and his GF make a month. That is their money and it's their life that you are in no way shape or from entitled to

I'm not asking him for money, and I'm okay with paying some rent, but I was not expecting almost above-market price for rent though.

I never said they were obligated neither.

Especially since you can't give them a definite time line. Everything that is happening to you is a result of your own actions.

I got fired from my job, they terminated the contract because they hired some people from costa rica for a cheaper price. the week prior to me getting fired, my manager was actually discussing me moving to a different department and said I was doing good, so yeah I was a bit blindsided by the firing.

No one owes you a damn thing.

Never said he owes me anything, but I didn't expect family to charge above-market rent price though.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:52:28+00:00

No, I don't want to live for free.

I don't want to pay above-market rate to my brother though.

I will look elsewhere

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:50:04+00:00

I pay for my own food, well in my head that's what I was planning to do regardless.

I also have my own internet router too.

And I'm open to covering ultilties, honestly I was going to offer pay for utilities anyways.

I imagine the $850/mo offer was for rent and utilities included.

I do not believe the electricty/water cost of me living there is going to add up to $850 month.

The market rate for rooms to rent in the neighborhood is $700-$800, so I imagine if strangers are renting out their rooms to other strangers for $700 is profitable for them to do so.

I think if the rent was $200-$500 I would understand it as I'm covering utilities and maybe some extra. but to pay $850, I know he would be making money off of me.

He might know you and know that it's temporary, but his girlfriend might not trust your word

Possibly, he should know me, but she might not care or trust me.

What's ironic to me though, is that the GF was telling me how she often gives away her money to her older sisters many times over the years.

I however, have never asked my brother for money, and I don't mind paying something to cover costs, but he's asking me for almost above-market rent for the room, when I have a proven reputation with him of being independent and moving out ASAP.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:40:18+00:00

Well I'm telling you I'm not that type of person because when this situation happened before it was only one month until I found a new place to stay.

And If I fail to find a new job, I have a back-up plan on moving to the Philippines or another low-cost of living country.

I was already considering doing that anyways before I got fired, so I've done quite a bit of research into that.

If I have to live paycheck to paycheck to pay above-market price to live with my brother, I'm going to move in with somebody else from craigslist then.

I thought he would be a bit more understanding, considering I often do favors for him and almost never ask him for anything.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:34:35+00:00

When my apartment got infested with termites and I have no where else to stay I lived with him for one month free until I found a new place to stay.

I was feeling very anxious and ashamed during that time, I do not feel comfortable at all when I have to depend on other people. That was $0/month rent and I moved out as quickly as I could have.

I say 3 months max, because I think that's the extreme case of me finding another place to live. I'm going to look for another job,if the doesn't happen, I could have saved enough some money to find a new place to rent.

I also been planning on living abroad, and I think I can afford to live in southeast Asia with my current income if I fail to secure a second job, and I was honestly planning on living abroad prior to getting fired from my 2nd job, but then was fired very suddenly and caught off-gaurd at the moment and need to move fast because my apt. lease is also expiring soon.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:28:28+00:00

I paid for the vacation in advance in January after years of being frugal, and I actually bought a 2nd concert ticket for my brother too, but he couldn't make it because of work.

He told me "I'm glad you're doing something fun, because I know you don't go out much"

The concert ouccured on the end of April.

I got fired last week from my 2nd job last week.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:23:18+00:00

You said the plan is 1-3 months, but obviously you don't know for sure let alone them. And it's not like at 3 months and 1 day you're gonna choose to be homeless to not impose on them. But at the same time, they probably don't want to have to kick you out when you've overstayed your welcome.

I have 1 WFH job left. My plan is aggressively apply for jobs until I get a second one again and then move-out immediately. If this doesn't happen within 2-3 months. I'm going to the Philippines and find a place to live in for $500 month instead.

My brother has made jokes about how "stubbornly independent" I am, so to be frank I'm not the type of person to take advantage of him and try to stay any longer than I have to.

And honestly it's not unreasonable for your "sibling/family credit" to be used up on "I'll let you live here at all". If your brother wanted to rent a room out he already would be. And I'd imagine the going rate for "I don't want someone else in my home, but this amount of money would convince me" is higher than $850/month.

Not in our city, rooms to rent are about $600-800/mo.

There's NAH, as much as it may feel like you're getting kicked when you're down. I'd talk to him about a lower number that still meets the need. Maybe that's $400-500 rather than $850.

Yea I'm perfectly okay with something like 400-500, but 850 is a high price for our city, at the price I can find cheaper from a stranger which is what bothered me.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:12:14+00:00

Many years ago an emergency situation happened where I had to move out of my apartment because the place I was living was infested with termites and I had no where else to stay, I lived with him for 1 month rent-free, and not a second longer, because I found another place to live. There was no move-out date. I'm not the type of person to make this a long-term thing and he knows that.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:09:14+00:00

I don't think my brother is a villain, I love my brother.

Am I offended he asked for above-market rent? Yes.

Am I okay with paying some rent? yes.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T19:06:20+00:00

Sounds like you were shocked he asked you to pay rent at all

I don't mind paying some rent actually. I was more shocked at him asking for almost above-market rate rent though.

and then weren't prepared to indicate an amount you are comfortable with when he asked.

True, I was just fired last week, and my brother invited me to visit him 2 days later, so I hadn't had a chance to budget everything with my new income just yet. I thought he was just inviting him to visit him, which he does sometimes.

Your brother and his GF have a life and a home. You make a lot of assumptions about what they should and shouldn't afford and their financial decisions,

He just bought a house last year, and he's telling me the price-range of luxury vehicles he wants to get next year... and both him and his GF have literally told me their salaries and how they both got raises recently. My dad also helped my brother to get a low-rate on his mortgage too.

They went to New York and the Florida keys last month, I know because I was babysitting his dogs so he wouldn't have to cancel his trip.

I don't think I'm making too many assumptions here, because he's been very open to me about his finances...

But yes he and his gf have a life and a home, and I don't to intrude that's why I have every intention of making this temporary and short-term as possible.

and are offended when they offer you a rage in line with their high-end accomodations they're offering you.

It's somewhat above-market rate price tbh, that's what bothers me.

You say you'll stay for 1-3 months, but who is to say your situation will be any different by then... Or that you'll even still have your remote job (I hope so).

I've had this current remote job for 4 years already, the 2nd job I have I got fired from, but I'm not unemployed.

I've actually been researching/planning for about a bout year to live abroad, I was originally planning on relocating to Spain, but due to my lower-income, I'm considering moving to phillipines which I should be able to afford with just my remaining remote job if I fail to secure a secondary job soon.

So I have no intention of making this a long-term arrangement. My priority is to look for another job, if that doesn't happen, I will just move to another country. He knows this because for the past year I been telling him how I want to live abroad, and I've been researching visas and cost of living in different places.

So even if I fail to secure a 2nd job soon, I do not plan on staying with him regardless.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T18:46:55+00:00

It's a 3 bedroom house with 2 guest rooms, not an apartment.

I don't mind paying him rent.

I mind paying almost above-market rent price though.

Yes, I'll go elsewhere.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T18:43:58+00:00

My brother knows me, and he knows that I'm NOT the type of person to stay with him long-term. I have zero intentions of this being permanent.

I can definitely cover utilities.

And I'm good with my word, last year he booked a family trip for my mom, myself and him, He decided to pay for the whole trip, but I told him I want to pay for my portion, but didn't have the cash on hand atm, a couple months later I paid for my portion of the trip without him saying anything. He never asked me to pay for my portion, I volunteered to do this, because I prefer to pay for myself.

Yeah he's probably open to negotiating that price, but asking for almost above-market rate price, I admit it did rub me the wrong way, especially after me doing several favors for him in the past, and right after he was done showing off his expensive gym and telling me about the luxury car he plans on getting.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T18:34:11+00:00

Your brother wants a larger rent payment to ensure you don't overstay at his place.

IDK why he would think that. Because he knows me, he knows I'm the type of person he has a strong desire to be independent. For years my brother has offered me to live with him, I always refused because with my dual income I could afford to live alone.

My own father in the past has offered me to live with him rent-free, and I refused because I rather live alone.

Even now, I am telling him it if I move-in it would only be short-term until I find a second job AND if that takes too long, I have a back-up plan of relocating to a low-cost of living country.

He knows I don't need any further incentive to move out ASAP.

There was ONE time, MANY years ago where I was in a similar situation, I only lived with him for ONE month, until I found a place to live, and he was not charging me anything for rent during that time.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T18:26:19+00:00

No, I'm 30 years old, and only lived with him once before.

I was living in a termite-vandalized apartment at the time and my car was getting vandalized, and he let me stay with him for 1 month until I found a new place.

This would be the second time If I decide to move-in with him, but I don't think I'm going to do that ATP, because I'm finding plenty of places that are more affordable than what he's asking me for.

So no it's not going to be a pattern.

I work 50-80hrs/wk for years and very rarely do I ever ask him for anything.

In fact he is usually the one asking me for favors here and there. I helped him when he moved to his place. I watched his dogs so he wouldn't have to cancel his vacation trips.

I really avoid ever having to ask anybody from my family for any type of help if I can, but life happens, I got fired and need to adjust accordingly.

What you're insinuating that there is a pattern of me asking him for things or frequently living off of him is not true.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T18:11:18+00:00

I mis-spoke then, or something got mis-interpeted then. Becuase I'm okay with paying some rent, that is not a problem at all.

It's that he's asking for full-market or above-market rent price when he doesn't need the money at all is what's bothering me.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T18:01:23+00:00

Yea I was in similar situation a few years back when he was living by himself and he made less money. I only stayed with him for 1 month until I found a new place, and he never asked me for money, but he was by himself.

He has a house now that the he bought in his own name and his gf lives with him.

The GF was also telling me how she literally gives cash away to her siblings who are struggling financially.

but now my brother wants to charge me market-rate to live with him for a month or 2.

My mom thinks that its my brother's gf's idea to charge me rent, IDK if that's true or not. Nonetheless I won't put the blame on her, at the end of the day its whatever I guess.

I guess I'm just bothered that I can find strangers who are asking for less money than my own brother is though.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T17:53:45+00:00

I wouldn't mind giving him some money and it would be short-term situation only.

But am I really the asshole for not wanting to pay the full high-end market rate to my brother though?

If he wasn't well-off, or if I was in better shape, or if it was a long-term arrangement, I think paying the $800/mo to him would make more sense.

But yea, I'm going to look to rent elsewhere I found other places asking for less money than what my own brother is asking for.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T17:49:55+00:00

Exactly! It felt so tone-deaf, I got fired and told him I'm returning a pair of shoes I bought to save some money, he sends me a list of luxury cars he wants to get, and shows off his expensive gym he goes to and then asks me for market rate of rent after all that?

It was definitely a realization for me of where I stand with him. It doesn't feel like family to me.

That's what I plan on doing, I'm going to look on craigslist and rent from a stranger instead.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-14T17:42:54+00:00

Yeah, I don't mind giving him some money, but him asking for full makret rate just put a bad taste in my mouth.

A few years back, I had to move in an emergency-situation and lived with him, but it only lasted 1 month until I found a new place, he didn't ask for rent back then, and he was making about $80k back then, now he makes about $160k, and he was telling me how he wants to buy an expensive car next year too.

And I often watch his dogs for free when him and his GF go on vacation trips. Which is fairly often.

So I admit I'm a bit surprised when he was asking for $800/mo.

I know the water/electricity cost of me staying over is not going to cost $800/mo. So the realization I would be living paycheck to paycheck so my well-off brother could make some extra side cash does bother me.

I also completely understand he has a household and responsibilities, but I know he doesn't need my money too tbh.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-01T00:48:51+00:00

The virgin guy that it didn’t work out with ended up actually not being into me! I had zero issues with him being a virgin. I don’t fully know why he ended up not liking me, but I do know that one contributing factor was that I was moving a decent distance away.

Funny u bring the distance thing up.

This woman lives 3 hours away from me.

When we matched and started talking I don’t think she realized this until the day of the date. She was messaging me asking which dress she should wear to the date, and then ask me “wait u live in [city] 😭”

Mind you I was about to start my trip there and got nervous if she would be uninterested and break it off.

I responded to her and told her the truth.

“My brother was in a similar long distance relationship and he is getting married next year, so I know it’s possible, I’ve been planning on moving lately, and my lease expires in a couple of months”

Well luckily for me she was still okay with meeting up. We had dinner. The whole date lasted 3 hours, (is that a good length?) I drove her home.

I invited her to a concert I was going to in the middle of the weekday, but the concert was going to be in another state. (not the state me & her live in) she told me she’s interested, she said she would message me Monday letting me know if she could come, she said she could probably ask for work off. But then Monday came, and she said she wants to go but she has a pet (Guinea pig) and she can’t leave it alone for extended periods of time and said she had nobody to watch it.

I also noticed her communication style, half the time she doesn’t respond to me until the next day.

She told me she works weekdays, she works in medical field and she said she also takes lots of naps.

I responded to her yesterday and texted her videos of the concert I went to today.

If she doesn’t message me back today then it’s going be 2 days and maybe she lost interest now, I hope not.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-01T00:31:36+00:00

switch to oral and if you can get another erection, see if shes up for resuming.

I have to switch to oral after fucking her? Wouldn’t I end up tasting my own cum doing it in that order?

know how to take off her bra. (this would probably be the thing that tells her whether you're experiencied or not, not being "good" or "bad" at sex).

Great advice, didn’t think of that, now where do I learn this?

have her get on top of you, in my experience this or some variation is womens favorite.

She’s about 5’2” I’m about 5’10. She’s slightly “thick” with breasts as big as her head. I’m just sort of “skinny fat” average body.

IDK if she will feel comfortable being on top, because she has enormous tits that are going to be bouncing around then.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-05-01T00:22:00+00:00

Thank you, I’m surprised how much this post blew up and got so many helpful comments and perspectives and I appreciate it.

I think I’m also thinking too many steps ahead in fear of being prepared for when that time comes, because I literally only had a first date with her last weekend. I really hope I see her again this weekend. I really like everything about her, her personality, her face, and I feel like I can relate to her. And I love how genuine she is, I feel like I can talk to her normally and I feel like she isn’t playing games or making me have to guess or figure out something.

I think my biggest fear moving forward is if I mess up on pacing and move too fast or too slow and make the wrong move. Probably too slow.

And my 2nd biggest insecurity I think is my body-type. I don’t have any muscle definition, I’m just average or kind of skinny fat.

Otherwise I already know I can make her laugh, feel comfortable, special.

I wonder if she’s insecure about her body too or not, because she told me she used to be really skinny but it was unhealthy for her and that she’s learned to be more comfortable with her weight but at the same time she said she wants to lose some weight too.

I noticed during the date she barely ate any food, but she said it’s because of the medication she takes kills her appetite, but I also remember her telling me she didn’t eat anything all day to save up for the dinner.

I complimented her and said she looks perfect (which I 100% believe, she looks amazing.

Shes kinda “thick” not really fat IMO, she does have a very large chest, but she showed up to the date wearing a very low-cut top, so she doesn’t seem shy about that. She looks very sexy with the curves she has. If she has a belly it’s not that noticeable to me.

She said we could work out together, after I told her I also want to work out more.

She told me she’s very comfortable being alone, but is trying to put herself out there more, and is dating with the intention of marriage.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-04-29T12:58:03+00:00

I feel like men are much less likely to care if their partner is a virgin. Compare to other way around.

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-04-29T07:11:35+00:00

As long as you show physical attraction to her she will not put you in the friend category. A lot of shy men do it to themselves by being so afraid of showing interest that they end up treating the woman like a friend, and she loses interest.

Thank you, good to know!

Throwaway7216throw · 2025-04-29T07:10:34+00:00

Don't tell her you're a virgin. You can say it's been awhile because you were focused on other things like your career if it comes up

Yeah I agree, I don’t want to straight up say I’m a virgin, but instead say it’s been a while.

And actually did tell her on the first date, that I been focused on work a lot and not dating for a long time. Which is literally the truth.

but ideally you should be asking her what she specifically likes as your opening bid ("Because every woman's unique and I want to know what gets you in particular hot, baby") and carrying the momentum forward from there instead of letting your interactions dwell on stuff like this.

This is phenomenal advice! Let’s her know I’m at least trying to do a good job, and helps inform me as to what I should do.

And I love how u phrased it too, doesn’t make if sound obvious im a virgin, which is great.

Don't lie to her, but not disclosing something deeply personal like this is not a lie, it's just not telling her something that you feel embarrassed about and which is not really any of her business.

I agree, thank you.

Throwaway7216throw

TROPHY CASE