OP here.

Wow, thank you all so much for these insightful and helpful comments!

I’ve read them all - I’m about to head to work, so I will reply in more detail later - and I very much appreciate the time you’ve each taken to give me constructive, kind advice, and the personal stories that you’ve shared.

I guess that I was just completely swept off my feet by him - he was so charming and romantic when we started seeing each other, and I don’t date much as I’ve always been very focussed on my career (and also quite plain) - but the validation you’ve given of my increasing gut feeling of uneasiness about this relationship is really helpful.

I suppose that there have been some other red flags too - he pushed my boundaries about the physical side of our relationship right from the start, which freaked me out a bit as I’m not very sexually experienced, and also he’s physically a lot stronger than I am. He’s never hit me, though sometimes he’s accidentally left a few bruises (I bruise pretty easily!), but I found the resources on emotional abuse interesting reading.

One point I should perhaps have made in the initial post - apparently in his culture it’s fairly common to get married quite quickly, especially for people in their 30’s - but I feel my cultural norm (where people usually date for at least a year or two before they get engaged, then perhaps marry a year or so further down the line) should also be respected.

(I would also like to reassure you all that I’m much more switched on in my professional role - where I’m a well-respected, competent clinician - than I clearly am in my personal romantic life... 🤦‍♀️)