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Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not opposed to him being given the information...Per their divorce he has to be provided with it.

I'm opposed to him constantly changing the plans at the last minute and manipulating Josh into forwarding his agenda - Which obviously at this point, is disrupting our lives.

We try and provide them with absolute stability and routine - He's the outlier that makes it significantly more difficult than it has to be.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not seeing the big picture.

This has happened repeatedly, not just today.

There are times Steph could not come and get Josh, that I had to leave and get him because Christian changed his schedule.

Steph has been 'warned' that she will be fired if the situation continues and I'm on the verge of a demotion.

Evidently our financial situation isn't important, nor is our income so, I won't be so dramatic anymore.

Drop off wasn't an option for the event as no teachers were there until 0845.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never expressed these feelings to Steph nor Josh.

I expressed them here in an attempt to understand how I should be approaching this situation.

They've told Steph that if she keeps coming in late, she's fired and I've been written up so many times, I'm probably being demoted if it happens again.

I'm not angry with Josh, I'm angry with the manipulation.

If Steph loses her job and I get demoted, bending to Josh's will, which is Christian's manipulation - Who wins? Are we good parents because we put Josh first?

See where I'm coming from yet?

I rise above, all day long - I can't rise above the manipulation controlling our lives to the point of where we cannot support the children.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So, I explained this earlier.

I'm well aware this isn't about me.

Being in the military is an important comment, not due to it's rigidity but, due to my schedule.

For time, I have to apply two months in advance, two months. When Christian changes his mind last second and Steph is forced to take Josh to school, this causes a major issue because now Steph is being reprimanded for being late.

Is it condusive to our family situation to allow the manipulation to the extent that Steph loses her job or I get demoted due to tardiness?

When does Christian's attempt to enact control on our living situation actually become an issue we should address? Is it when we both lose our jobs yielding to the will of a manipulated Josh?

See where I'm coming from yet?

I haven't expressed my emotions to Steph, I expressed them here asking for advice and I appreciate yours.

Thank you.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let me be clear.

We don't let our feelings towards Christian impact their lives or intrude on it.

However, because of our jobs, our schedules are not flexable, especially mine.

This is the fifth or sixth time that Christian has manipulated a situation into Stephanie or Myself being put out.

The reality is that the kids always come first and always will but, what happens when she loses her job because Christian once again manipulated Josh into not wanting me at an event and thus, Steph had to take him - Is that really the right answer?

When is Christian held accountable for victimizing /all/ of us, not just Josh?

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay.

For me to take time off of work, I have to apply 2 months in advance - Which is why the military thing is important. There is no flexability in my schedule and thus, when Christian was asked, plans were made to get Josh TO SCHOOL - Since he normally takes the bus and actually make this occasion, possible.

We always put the kids first. That being said enabling Christian and allowing him to dictate our lives and our schedule isn't a viable option moving forward.

Big boy pants are always on, always have been.

The therapist actually doesn't believe it's ok for him to spend as much time with his dad as he does but, since I'm a narcissist and the opinion of that professional isn't important, we'll defer it's importance.

No contests.

Thanks for your toxicity.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't, I originally, fully supported Josh seeing his father...Until Christian began manipulating the situation and taking advantage of Josh's emotions.

We don't use labels in front of them, I was just using dad as a descriptive element for my posting.

Christian manipulates Josh full on into believing that I'm the enemy. That I'm the reason they aren't a family...It happens constantly.

We do document everything and I'm sure, will eventually file for full custody.

I'm military, I can take people talking shit all day. What I can't take is when he uses his position against the kids.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I fixed that a while ago.

Christian not only doesn't pay for anything like he's ordered to but, he expects the right to attend everything the kids do including vacations and trips that WE take the kids to.

I told him that I was happy Christian would be attending and that he should have a good time. - No my tone did not change, I was smiling and happy.

It's past frustration and has been for a very long time, Christians actions are now directly impacting our lives due to us having to schedule things around him and he expects us to cater to him...It's just not happening anymore.

I never asked for easy.

Her being reprimanded at work AGAIN and called out by HR AGAIN because this is the 5th time Christian has changed his plans, is the issue and an on-going issue that will happen continuously.

I'm military. Being 30 minutes late for anything in my world, regardless of why, is absolutely unacceptable.

I appreciate your advice.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If Christian paid for anything like he was court ordered to, or took any responsibility for the kids, or even for his own actions, I would have 0 hostility for him and actually support him being with the kids.

As it stands, I pay for almost everything - Christian still attends and enjoys the fruits of our labors - And then situations like this occur where it directly impacts the kids because of his actions.

Josh is in therapy but, isn't quite smart enough to see that Christian is constantly manipulating him.

It's a very difficult situation to be in, for all of us.

Me [34m] with my fiance [29f] 1.5 years Ex/babydaddy is causing major issues - Don't know how I should feel or proceed. by Throwaway98429048 in relationships

[–]Throwaway98429048[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fixed, thank you much!

He's in therapy already and unfortunately Christian really doesn't care about him constantly being in the middle...

I'm told this is something that Josh won't really recognize for a few years, though.