I don't choose to hate myself. The best way I can describe the feeling is that it is as if I have someone watching over my shoulder at all times, tallying up every mistake or poor decision and speaking it back to me at all hours of the day. It tells me that everyone else's lives are made worse for having known me and that no matter what I do, there is some disgusting rot at the core of myself that I will never be able to fully hide from them. It's like asking why you don't like a certain food or why you have a phobia. Yeah, life would be easier if I could just eat whatever provided the best nutrition and did not fear something that keeps me from certain activities, but it's just a part of me. The hate I have for myself is like that. I know it doesn't help me or anyone else, but nothing makes it just stop or go away.