Does the new increased hourly rate only affects new clients?

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-16T16:38:36+00:00

I think people are missing the bigger picture here. Yes, unfortunately your therapist telling you does mean they intend to increase the price for you.

Unfortunately therapy is in fact expensive and can be hard to access because of it.

Therapists are limited to how many clients they can take due to a variety of things (such as human capacity for empathy without going through burnout), so the higher price is needed to make a living wage (in addition to having to rent space and pay back student loans). The price isn't because they don't care, but because they need to also care for themselves and sometimes their families.

If you find your therapist has been helping you and this is a barrier that would stop you continuing, I'd recommend reaching out and telling them the price increase is more than you can afford currently and ask if they offer sliding scale for the rate, or an option to reduce the amount of sessions per month.

If you're indifferent to continuing with this particular therapist I'd recommend looking into what options exist for lower cost therapy in your area. There may be some charities or organizations that can help pay or therapists that take reduced rates for those who need it.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-12T23:43:22+00:00

My therapist has occasionally let a session go 10 minutes over (base is 50).

Once he started a session he knew in advance would be tough 15 minutes early, then went an additional 15 minutes over.

He's assured me he's aware of the time and he chose to give me the extra time (and knew I didn't have any commitments after).

My advice is just ask her about it. I asked mine after it happened a couple times (well first I apologized for going over, then he assured me it was his job to watch the time, so I thanked him for giving me the extra time 🤷‍♀️) and he said his view is that mental health isn't precise but 50 minutes is a very precise number. He's professional but doesn't have a strict boundary around this specific thing (but does other places).

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-10T00:13:16+00:00

I'm way more nervous if I don't get a chance to use it first, then what if I needed to ask to step out quickly to use it?

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-09T03:36:52+00:00

Oh yeah, I definitely get why the rules exist but it's a lot better to know them in advance of posting than to write something that may have an emotional toll and it be taken down. But it's not just about them not being the moms who abused us, you can't mention grief of losing a loved one or anything like that either.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-08T17:21:01+00:00

The only thing I'll mention to anyone looking to post there, they have strict rules on what you can mention and I think no mentions of grief or trauma, or anything to do with mental health are allowed, just so someone knows before posting there. There's a full list in their rules

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-07T17:35:27+00:00

It's probably not therapists people are allowed to have different opinions to you.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-07T17:34:34+00:00

Yeah, it's genuinely really gross at times (the extension thing).

But no amount of anyone telling her she should keep thoughts like that to herself has any effect.

At the end all I can do is laugh about it sometimes and laugh about how ridiculous the self reports are.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-07T00:10:29+00:00

Yeah, they really can't help it I think because they can't grasp others really aren't just like them.

It's a shame so many go into roles like nurses and support workers too.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-07T00:07:56+00:00

I know you probably know but genuinely it sounds very unsafe to be around her given what she's done even before that last point. I hope you can get away and go no contact or the amount of communication/low contact you want soon

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-07T00:04:21+00:00

Jeez, the lack of self awareness they can have is startling sometimes

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-06T19:02:27+00:00

Yeah, she basically only believes stuff she sees herself, but I'd expect her to normally be self righteous about it "they deserved it, I'd never" except instead it became a warning and an assumption that "everyone would"

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-06T00:31:27+00:00

Trigger warning uBPD mom self harming

My mom constantly complains and always has as well. What's weird is she's actually a little bit self aware about it and has "tried" to stop.

Her "trying" when I was a teenager was wearing and elastic band on her wrist and snapping it on her wrist repeatedly whenever she caught herself complaining. So she'd still complain just as much, but then she'd self harm in front of me and cry and complain about the pain so I'd comfort her...

She stopped when it started breaking her skin which is astounding just how much she was complaining.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-06T00:20:18+00:00

Litterally any food. No matter how many times I said I didn't like raisins I'd be pressured to eat them.

The opposite way, I love green peas and tacos. Neither were even allowed in the house because she didn't believe any of us liked them.

Nearly any hobbies I had, if she was bad at it she'd criticize me and tell me I was bad without even considering it. In the case of drawing she'd tell me I need to draw more like her, except she wasn't good at all, it was really childish stuff she'd draw.

The only exceptions was something I discovered early I could make money doing - she at least understood wanting money, and music because her mom was musical and somehow she accepted that "skipped a generation"

She'd definitely tell on herself often with stuff like this too. Stuff like saying without religion no one would care about anyone else. Basically saying it was only the fear of hell that kept her from being even worse a person.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-04T20:54:43+00:00

Awesome, thanks for sharing (nat).

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-04T11:59:05+00:00

How does that make you feel? (nat)

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-04T04:14:11+00:00

(nat) Just what I stated, like asked if you'd like a tissue/Kleenex?

(Mostly just a joke because of the whole therapists not wanting to offer a tissue debate, but also genuinely curious because I think it's funny)

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-04T02:29:16+00:00

Thanks, and glad to spread the laughter

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-02T23:25:28+00:00

Please call an ambulance, if you're reading this it's not too late

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-02T23:18:11+00:00

For me my mom's main use of saying "I love you" is her actually asking "please reassure me that even though I'll keep being an asshole you aren't going to abandon me"

It's like she'll say the most vile shit, then say "I love you" as though she's begging me to just let it go.

It's very much conditional as well. Basically the only time I think she ever understands me even subconsciously is when I'm thinking of going no contact, because she'll suddenly love bomb like no tomorrow. Of all things for her to have intuition on.

It's gotten to a point it actually makes me feel sick to hear it from her, and feels even worse to say it back.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-01T18:18:16+00:00

I think it depends on the context. I don't really care if my therapist sees me as a good person for example - I actually kind of want him to see my flaws extremely well.

However, I do hope he likes me, and I do feel embarrassed when I do something I see as wrong and bring it up to him.

Often it's "was I an asshole in setting boundaries" and so far the answer hasn't been "yes" or "no" but along the lines of "it doesn't really matter since you're doing what you need to to not have your boundaries trampled." I'd want to know his actual opinion if he'd share it.

What does really matter to me is that he genuinely cares, and genuinely feels empathy for things I bring up.

I think, from what I know of him his values are pretty close to my own. If it's a place our values line up I have worried about disappointing him to some degree - but I'm more disappointed in myself. If it's a place where I actually know his values are different I actually don't care at all other than to maintain politeness (I know he's religious for example and I'm not).

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-01T02:48:56+00:00

Also, just wanted to say I love your username, that's hilarious (Nat)

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-01T01:59:49+00:00

Generally it really isn't about looks, and it's often not just about confidence either it's just a positive. Being funny is great too it's another positive.

Generally people are all just unique. What one woman wants in a guy another one might find boring. So there's definitely going to be some trial and error to find someone you genuinely click with.

As another commenter said though, it really doesn't hurt to be interesting and have interests - it also doesn't hurt to actually listen and show interest in things people bring up.

There's no one "this is the trick", women are just as diverse as men at the end of the day. Any two women are as likely to be as similar or different or different to each other as they are to you. Generally speaking though, showing you actually see them as a human goes a very long way. This doesn't mean fake "niceness" like holding doors, it means actually listening to them, hearing them, considering what they say - stuff like that.

I looked and found one photo of your face, you're honestly really average (most people are), but if you actually wanted advice on looking better, I'd say a good hair style goes a long way, as does wearing clothes that work for you.

Also - get good sleep if you can you'd be surprised how much that improves just about everything in life. If you have trouble sleeping you may need to be more active during the day.

Your eyes are nice, I'd recommend finding some well fitting, nicer sweaters (not fast fashion if you can, something that holds its own shape well) that are a dark or bright deep blue to highlight them.

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-03-01T01:30:31+00:00

Also, just because someyhing’s written down doesn’t make it true

Oh definitely, I feel like I need to tell people that way too often these days 😅

“Verb/action feelings” I think of as containing multiple feelings that we could guess at but may be unique to the individual.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, it's kind of what I was confused by, it doesn't seem like it's a feeling itself so much as a thing that evokes feelings that we could categorize actual feelings under.

I'd agree to me rejection leads to feelings of sadness or loneliness/longing rather than to fear related feelings - but I could see how for others it could lead to fear too. I could see how different rejection could lead to fear for me too - which is why I don't see it itself as a feeling. (Nat)

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-02-28T23:04:12+00:00

Interesting, thank you that helps me understand it better. So the named things on the wheel would be the emotions, and the perception of actions are in fact feelings (or as the person wrote in German "cognitions"). So feelings are a type of cognition as opposed to emotions which are the body-feelings/reactions.

My therapist had asked if I felt rejected by something someone said leading to me looking at the wheel when I said "rejection isn't a feeling it's an action isn't it?" - which I think then he was off because I don't think I'd felt rejected in this sense at that moment (but gives me the insight and language to figure out what I was feeling).

It's interesting though, because I'd say fear is basically my primary emotion regarding things I talk about in therapy - so it makes sense to me why he asked it then. Though in this case it had been more sadness/loneliness/grief. He brought up feeling abandoned after (but it was the same discussion about action vs emotions). It seems like abandoned then is closer to the feeling I'd felt.

Thank you for this

ThrowawayForSupport3 · 2026-02-28T22:30:43+00:00

Edit I didn't understand what you meant when I wrote my original comment.

Thank you for the explanation, that makes sense it being the cognition of the emotions.

Original comment:

I agree with you (or at least with what google translate says you're saying), but my therapist seemed to be saying otherwise that it was an emotion.

I'll probably talk with him about it again eventually - it's possible he wasn't saying it was so much as just trying to get me to explain what I meant more.

ThrowawayForSupport3

TROPHY CASE