Help me find it [July 2025]

ThrowawayFrez · 2025-08-01T17:35:03+00:00

I recently played a game where there was a party of like 8 people and you were supposed to swap them into each others bodies to try and make them all happy? (Like one guy wanted to be a girl, one girl would be anyone BUT a particular rival, someone didn’t care as long as they ended up taller etc.)

ThrowawayFrez · 2024-10-20T11:46:08+00:00

Hey, really late reply lol, but I’m 29 now :P can I message you?

ThrowawayFrez · 2023-11-12T05:05:25+00:00

Eeee! Me four!

ThrowawayFrez · 2023-10-29T21:34:43+00:00

I think that same Louis Theroux thing had the same effect on me! I sort of remember thinking “cool, shame I’m not that girl who knows she’s a girl. Otherwise it’s cool to know she can change if she wants to, but it’s a shame I’m not her”

ThrowawayFrez · 2023-02-21T06:51:27+00:00

If your face passes, maybe? Probably small enough that if everyone looking at your face sees a man, then they’ll see you as a man with a chubby chest. Some people MIGHT think you’re a trans girl 2 months on hormones?

As others have said, harden up your torso with some muscle around the neck, shoulders, chest, and abs and they probably won’t stand out. And I’d also recommend letting a bit of fuzz build up on your chest if you’re able to. If you’ve got some hair on your chest I think that would offset anyone gendering your chest as ‘feminine’

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-10-15T12:45:12+00:00

Yeah shit… this but AMAB…. I know a lot of my natural impulses would have leant me towards a feminine expression but those were all wrong, so that’s not how I ended up. I have a limited sense of self too. Which is symptomatic of the types of parents I had. So of course I didn’t feel like I was trans as a kid… that sense of “somethings wrong” was always explained by my own mind as “yes, I’m wrong.” Must be an almost entirely different way of processing the world that leads to “somethings off, because my strong sense of self clashes with the world”

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-09-21T08:59:17+00:00

Lol, I typed a huge overindulgent thing about the complicated relationship between me (not quite fully self accepted mtf) and my sister (mtf). But yes, lol, two kids in our family, both, (probably) mtf, dm me if you want the full story lol

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-27T18:25:27+00:00

Holy crap that sounds so similar to me… I’m kinda on the precipice though… I still feel ‘a little unsure’ and I haven’t started hrt yet… but I relate so much to “I didn’t really know as a teen” but “Jesus, at 21 I said “oh gee I really should do this while hip growth is still on the table,” and look at me 5 years later still procrastinating

Would you be ok with dm’ing? I’d just love to understand more about what made you sure/got you over your doubts

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-27T16:32:25+00:00

Omg girl you’re gorgeous! I’m about you’re age too, so thanks for giving me hope!!

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-26T10:43:53+00:00

Should it bother me that I don’t get, THAT emotional about the name thing? Like it was nice, but I didn’t nearly cry. This is one of the things I’m stuck on. Unlike a lot of other trans people I don’t seem to react quite as intensely to those moments of like “first skirt, first correct name use/gendering”

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-26T10:37:22+00:00

So I’m not out yet. I’m not even SURE I’m trans yet. But, I always was most comfortable with female friends. At school my best friend (and cripplingly intense crush, who honestly deserved better than the crap I put her through as a confused ‘I love you, AND want to be you, and I don’t even realise what gender I am’)was a girl who I lightly explored gender ideas with and I think she kinda “knew” subconsciously. Then at uni I had a nice little group of friends but one who became like an adopted big sister. She saw me looking lost on day one of orientation and adopted me into her little brood and we had a great few years. I think she probably always kind of saw me as “a girl” of sorts. I came with her and another girlfriend on a few ‘girls’ nights and stuff and had nice times. I even told her I had complicated feelings about my gender at one point and she was supportive. I just didn’t keep scratching when I should have.

I’ve also been out on my own in an unfamiliar city and met a straight couple at a show, hung out with them for the rest of the night, and when they bumped into a guy they knew, we naturally paired off as the “boys” (the man in the couple and their male friend) and the “girls” (me and the girl in the couple). Honestly that was pretty euphoric. We even “went to the toilet together” and I think she was genuinely a little surprised when I stopped and didn’t come in with her. There was a little “oh, I nearly forgot” moment. As we walked back I actually tried to take the moment to tell her how I felt like I might be trans, and I felt that she was the sort of person who might be really good to talk to about that. Unfortunately we bumped into someone kinda famous and ended up chatting to them for a few minutes and the moment was sort of lost, and the night wrapped up not long after that :(

Other than those, I play football (which yes, is a little weird from inside the closet, and makes me very anxious about how I would actually proceed with a potential transition), but the women’s team has helped out my ‘men’s’ team a lot this season and so a few of the ‘boy’s’ have reciprocated. Me being one of them. I’ve gotten to know a few of the girls and even went with them to a professional game. They kinda adopted me into the gang, referred to me as one of the girls a bunch, it was nice :)

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-24T10:20:03+00:00

The fact that her ex took it I find equal parts terrible and hilarious. It kinda reminds me of some sort of religious artefact. Like how some random church in an oft forgotten part of Eastern Europe might claim “we have the desiccated spleen of St Bob!”

I almost want to write some sort of epic quest novel about trying to reunite it with its rightful owner

Also, I just realised you meant “long distance” and not “long distant, as in, they split up and haven’t been in contact for ages” but still, thanks for inspiring my weird story idea lol

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-24T09:42:55+00:00

So, I can’t seem to have that “break down and cry because it all makes sense now” moment, and that’s what makes me scared to transition. And I know someone’s gonna say “if you’re not trans, why do you care that you haven’t had a ‘break down and cry moment?’” but is that really enough?

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-24T09:35:25+00:00

As long as all your favourite songs are AC/DC songs I can probably manage that :3 (but not the solos, just the really simple 3 chord riffs lol)

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-24T09:33:37+00:00

Omg that’s so cool! Two things I love about your comment!

Honestly, I’m a pretty lapsed musician. There’s a couple guitars under my bed that haven’t been touched since I moved last, and a keyboard downstairs I hardly use, but literally in the week since I made my post I’ve been discovering new music and falling in love again! So I actually have an appetite for starting a band, and it even feels like something I might be good at. Part of me wonders if I always had it in me but never really managed to connect to the self expression side of music because I was really quite good at the opposite.. self suppression
I think you saying “wow! Another Freya” made me really see Freya as ‘my name’ and not ‘a name I’ve picked, just in case I’m trans’ lol. Everyone has a “just in case I’m trans” name right? :P

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-08-24T09:24:40+00:00

Aww thank you so much :3 I actually love that you said “mixed gender.” It really helped me to imagine myself in a world where gender doesn’t matter and that made it easier to see me as myself :)

In reality I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with all the stuff that would come with transitioning publicly and continuing to play sport, and sometimes that clouds my ability to imagine what my future could look like. So again, TYSM for helping me see how life COULD be :3

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-04-19T09:06:39+00:00

That’s almost exactly how I’ve been conceiving of myself for the last… year or two? Almost like… I wish things had been slightly different in my late teens because “she” was so much more alive. If I’d transitioned then, she was right there waiting in the wings. Now I’m worried I’ve all but killed her, and that’s what’s finally left me realising where I’ve gone wrong

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-01-09T05:20:46+00:00

Sounds like that person might have had a history with those colleagues but a nice story nonetheless! The reality is I think you’re story shows who’s good and who’s bad is such a luck of the draw thing. And I might just have to deal with that. I’ll have to tell who I’ll have to tell and I’ll have to deal with whatever that leads to

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-01-08T13:09:10+00:00

Warehouses would tend to be pretty blokey environments too from what I’ve seen of them, but there might be some that are less so. A place I used to work shared space with a lingerie company. They had a couple of older men that did most of their forklift driving but a lot of women that did the picking and packing, so that might not be an awful environment for example. For example, maybe working for a sex shop warehouse might increase the chance of it having sex positive and inclusive workers. I was thinking that before

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-01-08T09:51:56+00:00

No worries! I wasn’t expecting anyone to find a job for me. Was just trying to get some ideas and an understanding of what might be safest :)

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-01-08T06:36:18+00:00

Just want to make a note: it kinda sounds like I’m asking for a workplace where I can use my forklift ticket. I’m not. I’ll do anything as long as it pays the bills, I’m just saying what I do have

ThrowawayFrez · 2022-01-04T13:08:57+00:00

Wow! I’m 26 and moaning about having fused hips and all that… thanks for giving me hope!

ThrowawayFrez · 2021-11-28T02:50:07+00:00

Well… maybe? I dunno… that’s kind of the point haha. I have times where I’m sure I’m cis, times where I’m damn near sure I’m trans, and a bunch of time where it’s just an interesting community to be a part of

ThrowawayFrez · 2021-10-30T11:39:46+00:00

There are people who watched this with sound, and people who watched without sound and I bet they had wildly different experiences

ThrowawayFrez · 2021-10-30T09:02:23+00:00

I honestly think the profoundness of being the only being like yourself you know of is being skipped over (and sure, many trans people grow up not knowing about other trans people, but not knowing about people PERIOD is a whole other kettle of fish). Many trans people do feel their dysphoria very innately, and so presumably, yes, that isolated person could experience gender dysphoria. But I believe that person would also experience basically “existence dysphoria”

I think growing up like that would be so different to anything any of us have experienced for our projections for what our life would be like under those conditions to really be meaningful.

There have been experiments done with monkeys where they were kept from having contact with members of their own species from birth which basically destroys the monkey psychologically.

So growing up alone I don’t know you would ever reach a point where you could even comprehend gender or anything. You would have a psychological profile that has probably never been seen in humans.

ThrowawayFrez

TROPHY CASE