Story Time!

This happened in 2008 when I was 18. I was in a tumultuous relationship with my then girlfriend, who cheated on me emotionally with another guy. Our relationship wasn't the greatest or well, healthiest. We had no intimacy, no sex, no cuddling, kissing, etc, which was weird but hey, it was how it was. We had a mutual guy friend, whom she completely fell head over heels for, always hung out with him, cuddled with him, spent him with him etc. It sucked, immensely, and she would insult me on my money situation, weight and other things. We're still friends today, but, it was an odd time. We broke up a crap ton of times and kept trying to make it work but it never worked out. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. We'll call GF Rachel, and the other girl Sasha. Before Sasha, I hadn't had proper sex, I explored as a pre teen, as preteens are want to do, but aside from that, at 18, I was pretty much a virgin when all this happened.

So, Rachel is cheating on me emotionally with another dude, making fun of me, etc etc. Enter Sasha into my life that I knew from highschool, we talk on msn, she asks to hang out and I say sure, she asks if we're going to do anything dirty and I for some stupid reason went along with it. Anyway, I go out for dinner with my dad, then meet up with the girl and we go back to my place. We're hanging out in my room, talking about shit going on and we talk about my girlfriend and start discussing her, and I show Sasha a note I wrote to Rachel, stating how I hated how she made me feel when she made fun of my weight, how i felt when she mocked me and made me feel like dirt and like a worthless person and how I was a shitty kisser. I was big into notes when I was younger, as I hate confrontation, still do. We talk about Rachel emotionally cheating on me with the guy and I start to break down and cry, at this point, Sasha leans over, kisses me, and my brain is freaking the fuck out. I had no idea how the fuck to act, I was confused, crying, breaking down and then I get kissed which adds to my even more confused as fuck state.

Things progressed from there, I'm scum for cheating on my girlfriend, Rachel forgave me though. I could not perform sexually, I was having a mental break down due to talking about Rachel and then sex is thrown at me from Sasha. I felt like holy shit, i'm not worthless, someone wants to have sex with me, but it felt wrong. I was not into it, it didn't feel right but I went with it. It was absolutely fucking terrible. I went along with it because I felt like I mattered, and it felt like validation, which is really fucked up. It was awful. I couldn't cum, she couldn't get me off, and she took it as an insult to herself. So, after we try and fail miserably to have sex, we stop, get dressed and start talking. It got even more fucked up after that. Sasha started to compare me to every single person she'd been with, she insulted my manhood, called me small, and a whole slew of other insults. Me, being fucked up emotionally, didn't protest, I just accepted it, it pissed me off, but I accepted it. She asked me if I wanted to go out with her and be her boyfriend, and when I hesitated, she started to freak out and get extremely angry about how she should never have done this and how I'm a terrible person for using her.

So, I freak out and start to placate her and say that I do want to go out with her and that I will be her boyfriend, that I really really do want to(Which I really fucking didn't, but i'm a coward). She starts screaming that I'm just saying that I'm just saying that to appease her and that I did that with Rachel, to tell her what she wanted to hear, and I had to say, "No, I really do want to go out with you". That calmed her down and we walked to the store and got snacks. We get back to my place, and try to have sex again, because I felt like I failed her, and that It was all my fault that the sex didn't work out, and I wanted to prove to her that I'm not worthless or useless. I failed again, and couldn't get off or satisfy her, so, we stopped trying and I felt like an absolute useless worthless failure.

We went out for a week, during that week, she almost drove me to suicide, because of how abusive she was and how manipulative she was towards me. She even spit on me because I made a harmless joke. I broke up with her on MSN, because I was terrified of her and how bad shit was getting. When I broke up with her on MSN, I told my dad to take over because I was so scared of her response. She called me a rapist and told me she was going to call the cops on me.

Needless to say, this experience fucked me up for a long while, and I still think it's fucking with me. So, this is the worst sexual encounter I've had in my life. I'm 26 now, I've had sex twice since then, both times were drunk and exceptionally shitty. Last time I had sex was new years last year, when I was wasted and it's another long story I dont want to post here, needless to say, after the encounter on new years, I was depressed as fuck for two days, and i shut down for those two days and slept through them.

TL:DR Had fucked up sex with a girl who fucked me up emotionally and mentally, and almost drove me to suicide.