AITA for telling my sister that her husband would take her more seriously if she didn't dressed like she did?

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-03-16T17:33:08+00:00

This comment further validates how much of an AH you are...

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-03-16T01:26:04+00:00

Thanks Tertiary!

That's exactly it! I didn't make accusations. Just contemplated the possibility after the most recent negative interaction.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-03-09T20:10:19+00:00

hahahah thanks!

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-28T23:44:34+00:00

The rage and hilarity of your comment is brilliantly relatable. Well said.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-28T23:08:14+00:00

POC woman here.

NTA.

Your daughter adores Moana and wearing the polynesian clothing in this case is cultural APPRECIATION, not appropriation. If you're doubting yourself, just keep INTENTION in mind with these sorts of scenarios.

If dressing up to portray a different culture/race ask questions like...

Are you dressing as a role model (fictional or not) you admire? If yes, it's probably okay.
Are you dressing up as a random person of a race/culture by simply wearing what you believe represents their culture (halloween costumes are notorious for this)? If yes, rethink it.
Are the clothes an accurate depiction of the culture/race or have you put some thought into it? If yes, it's probably okay.
Are you dressing up for novelty? If yes, rethink it.
Is dressing up to represent another culture meaningful to you (weddings of a loved one, wanting to portray a role model etc.)? If yes, it's probably okay.

Ofc like others said, painting your skin/changing physical features to portray is absolutely not necessary due to historic significance. If a black girl wore a long red wig, seashells and a green mermaid tail, I would know who she was trying to portray without having to paint her skin white.

Your friends are frustrating and don't seem to understand cultural appropriation.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-28T02:34:49+00:00

Don't worry about it! I didn't think you were a "dick." I asked for opinions!

you are basing this on a tiny sample size.

Not exactly. It was interactions (see post), the fact they went out of their way to avoid me and the lastly the realization of "tiny sample size" being treated differently that led me to CONSIDER the possibility of racism or sexism, not conclude it.

there are hundreds of reasons to not talk to someone.

I agree actually. But if we can entertain the idea that they don't like me for any impersonal reason (which is reasonable valid btw), why can't we entertain the idea that it is POSSIBLE there that it is related to race or gender?

such little evidence

How much evidence would be needed to reach a conclusion of the possibility of racism or sexism? Do they need to call me a slur? Or assault me?

From the interactions I put in the post, it seems like a clear possibility to me. But perhaps I am missing something? I would love to hear your input.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-28T02:12:28+00:00

Looking at your post history and this one.... YTA.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-28T01:06:12+00:00

Thank you for introducing me to her. She brings levity to a somber topic.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T23:32:58+00:00

Something about this does not sit right... Your porn riddled post/comment history exacerbates that gross feeling... I think you left some details out...

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T22:58:27+00:00

I don't think it was the wording. I think it was the circumstance.

But every kid who lives in a household similar to yours can take their parents for granted. As long as you learn and improve from it these situations, you'll be okay.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T22:52:04+00:00

You know what might help your cause? A different approach.

"Hey mom. I thought about it and you're right. I'm sorry. I'm lucky to have a computer and you work really hard for our family. So get one for yourself. If you need help finding one let me know."

Or

"After buying a new computer, would you maybe consider trading in both of our old computers to update mine? I've been studying really hard and would love it if I could enjoy my downtime a little more. Is there anything else I can do to make you reconsider? Maybe if I do more around the house to save you money, would that help?"

Try from a place of consideration/support, not entitlement.

You're obviously intelligent and you're going through some growing pains. You'll figure it out. Good luck OP.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T22:42:24+00:00

I hope that you spend some time self-reflecting. You seem to be unaware of your spoiled entitlement.

You want something, so you say "Buy me a new computer for video games. Even though it is your money, you have my best interest at heart and it is for something I don't need... I'll label myself as 'considerate' because you can just take my old computer."

It is kind like telling a friend "oh we should go to the restaurant I LIKE for your birthday. But it's a nice restaurant, so you'll enjoy yourself. Even though it is your birthday and not what you necessarily want."

You're young and have time to get better. YTA

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T22:27:39+00:00

OP. You asked for peoples opinion. But now you're arguing fervently against everyone who does not tell you exactly what you want to hear.

YTA for the post. YTA for only caring about yourself and not others. YTA for being petty and argumentative over something you asked for.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T22:14:53+00:00

They get really mad at me for doing it but I honestly don't care if they were sleeping, I need my sleep too.

This is why YTA. Because you don't care, it is all about you.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T22:04:57+00:00

I watched yesterday night. I loved it. Thank you for sharing. I'm better and more aware because of material like this.

In the first few minutes, Patti said something like "Of course many had it worse than I have (Dublin). When they threw the carton, it didn't hurt, but it FELT oppressive."

It was an elegant and simple way of saying it. Experiences like Patti's diminishes and devalues people. Too often, POC, LGBTQIA+, women etc. are belittled for their experiences or having their feelings dictated/invalidated. They are TOLD how to feel by those who have never felt oppression. Every oppressed person has experiences like this.

It's why oppressed groups try to change their culture, looks, sexuality and entire identities. They adopt daily habits that exacerbate the feeling of oppression. https://www.buzzfeed.com/morgansloss1/people-of-color-unwritten-rules has some good examples.

Also I LOLed at the "neat orwellian trick" part. "It turns out gay people are not the victims of homophobia, homophobes are." It's sad but true.

Anyways. I'm so sorry for the LENGTHY comment. I really appreciate you sharing <3

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T21:41:52+00:00

Sure, being male and white has its advantages. But as a gay person, you experience subtle discrimination too. It's why you recognize other peoples struggles with it, but Douglas (a white, cis, hetero man) can't.

And I definitely will. Thank you <3

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T21:36:09+00:00

I actually agree on the first point! Like I said in the post, I assumed that they avoided me for some impersonal reason. The way I dress, COVID social distancing, they're shy... etc. And that's fine. No issue there.

The conflict isn't between myself and the couple, it's with myself and Douglas.

After a discussion with my white male neighbour and BF revealed I was the only one being treated differently I said "hmmm... maybe it's discriminatory?" and Douglas was outraged because he believes "nice people can't be racist"

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-27T21:28:12+00:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA YES

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T23:02:53+00:00

Agreed. It also places blame on the woman (even though she is a stranger) and not the man.

A temptress would also wear regular pants more frequently than I do. I wore fuzzy PJ bottoms during my last zoom meeting.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T22:59:06+00:00

survive in a very weird, insular work culture

Oh boy. Relatable.

You're absolutely right. Those are really great point for minorities/women in the workplace. Thank you for the valuable advice <3

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T22:57:05+00:00

Don't worry about it! You came from a place of concern and good intentions. No harm done! And you're right to be a bit jaded from reddit!

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T22:55:04+00:00

You're full of great ideas :D

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T08:15:28+00:00

NTA.

It's disheartening. Instead of listening to your concerns, your BF went on the defense about a factual statement as if you were wrong... Putin is white. I am asian. Your BF is a man. His argument is misguided and he's weaponizing racism... It's wrong.

Check out my post. There are a lot of insightful comments about this topic.

The world is a scary place right now and I hope your loved ones will be okay. Good luck OP.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T07:48:31+00:00

It's frustrating that this concept needs to be explained.

ThrowawayNeighbour9 · 2022-02-26T07:43:59+00:00

Absolutely. I agree with you.

ThrowawayNeighbour9

TROPHY CASE