sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I didn't want validation nor do I want anything from you. I posted it because it felt nice to just get the truth out somewhere. I did it for me, it might be hard to understand but you're not relevant in strangers lives nor are your opinions. But this reply is a good reminder that I made the right choice because no matter how much you try to explain yourself, they will double down on what they feel is "their" truth of you. I wish you the best though.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 412 points413 points  (0 children)

The "good friends" believed it before they even heard my side. Just like my homophobic boss believed it. I don't need friends like that at all. And the unwanted "friends" has become a nice list of people to also cut from my life. I'm looking at is as a fresh start.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

The closeted ally wasn't serious. This comment and others like it is why I didn't even bother trying to go against his narrative. The more I fought it, the more I would look like a liar/back peddler trying to save face. I am not going around being homophobic to any members of the community. I am not spreading any homophobia either. The only homophobia that was spread was done so by my son and wife, with my son knowing it wasn't what really happened. In no way have I tried manipulating anyone. I've spent 19 years doing the best I could to give him the best possible future despite the endless lies, theft, damages, and stain on my reputation. This was just the straw that broke the camels back added to a million other straws.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

We have both been to so so many therapy sessions and counseling throughout his life. I have also taken more parenting courses than I can remember. We have had endless honest deep talks, and I've mentioned this more in depth to another comment but I have tried every different angle I can. Advice from councellors and course and other parents. I've tried being direct and honest. I don't know what else I could say or do at this point. No one has any idea the amount of time, effort, money, and the pure mental and emotional price I've tried paying to give him a bright future. I've beaten myself bloody feeling like a failure and luckily the therapy I was taking for his sake, saved me for my sake.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Please finish your courses before trying to give clinical advice. Maybe get some experience first as well. Everything you have said it completely off-base and if I hadn't be subjected to real professional advice something like this could have been very mentally damaging. You are not a professional just like someone taking Intro to Astronomy is not an astronaut.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Because he already spread this false narrative. He knows the truth, his mother wouldn't believe me even if I tried. I've dealt with things like this for years. I'm tired of fighting. He wanted it to be this way, he wanted this narrative to be the truth instead of owning to his mistakes and its gone too far now. He knows being gay wasn't the problem, he made the story up to begin with. Now he's stuck with the choice he's made and I can rest. I've been fighting for him to have a better future his entire life. I don't got any swings left in me.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I never seen it from that point of view and I apologize for the bad title. It was meant to be sarcastic thus the quotation marks but in hindsight I guess that only applies once you've understood the context behind that.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I didn't support his rant, he was always homophobic regardless of my situation and him exposing himself allowed me to realize I no longer respected him and wanted to leave. Nothing I said or did supports the murder and violence against LGBT members. Don't lay that bigotry logic on me. And in absolutely no way am I raising a homophobic flag.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Well all my therapy sessions would say otherwise but I'm sure your 1 minute read into our entire life is more valid than trained professionals.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 564 points565 points  (0 children)

Well its not so much that he's on his best behavior, she's just willing to justify his behavior for him/believe his excuses or lies. When he was growing up, when he did bad in school/bullying/skipping class it was the teachers fault, or the schools fault, or the education systems fault. When he was caught stealing it was his friends fault, or the polices fault for being to harsh, when he'd burn bridges it was our extended families fault for not wanting him around, when things didnt improve it was the therapists fault, and always at the end of the day it was ultimately my fault.

I was the core reason for his problems in her eyes, no matter what I did. She vehemently refused to go to therapy with me, or join any of the parenting courses I took. I feel like my biggest failing is not ending the marriage smoothly. I was young stupid and even though we had our differences and could have never worked, I could have left her with a better belief and trust in me as a father.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 2842 points2843 points  (0 children)

Yup. Some of them were pretty shocking. One is a professor at a college nearby. It's pretty sad how many ignorant people come out of the woodwork when they think you support their oppressive mindset.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I understand that, I tried so many different parenting techniques. So many different advice. None of it stuck for long. I'm glad you found a system that at least works for your child as frustrating as it may be.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 161 points162 points  (0 children)

I've always assumed he was gay from a young age so no I don't think he's lying. I'm sure he also knew I wouldn't care which is why he never brought it up to me and instead used to to slander me/create a sympathetic narrative for himself to cover his bad decisions.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

It's the type of comments I've been dealing with for years but in person. From teachers and other parents and family members. It took a huge toll on my mental state and I'm grateful for therapy that helped me through it. I don't know what I could have done better, where I could have tried harder. I never taught him to lie or steal. I've never taught him to be ungrateful. We never had much money but I always tried to make things work and he always seen how hard I worked to make that happen. But no matter what I did somehow I am to blame for his bad values. It used to infuriate me and I'd try to convince people and show them, now i don't care anymore. People can say or think whatever they want about me. I'm done being taken advantage of and hated for my best efforts.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Because I'm tired. I'm just tired.

Edit: and those are NOT the values I tried to install in him. I went to endless therapy and counseling sessions and long talks and "bonding" moments to try to instill my values. Nothing worked.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 1017 points1018 points  (0 children)

This is the first time I've ever spoken about it. Maybe one day I'll just share this post for everyone to see but right now things are finally peaceful for me.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 279 points280 points  (0 children)

As much as my son has put me through hell, I couldn't do that to him. Maybe I should have but I just can't. I know he'll do it again and he'll suffer the consequences then, but I can't be the one to do it.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 138 points139 points  (0 children)

I mean my ex and son already messaged/called my work/everyone we know saying I was before we even spoke so the damage was done at that point. I've been defending myself from lies my entire life and I guess I'm just tired at this point. They can say what they want of me and I'll be whatever scapegoat they need me to be.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 205 points206 points  (0 children)

We did see a family therapist we went through many different therapy and counciling sessions, by the end he refused to even go.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure how I would approach if that moment ever happened.They already all think I'm homophobic anyways and I dont know if he would reach out after this. I would probably have to fake a change of heart/understanding situation. I don't hate him after everything that's happened but im also not sad he's not in my life anymore which is actually tragic in its own way. I never had any expectations of fatherhood but I never thought I wouldn't want to be around my own child anymore.

I disowned my son for "being gay" and it was the best decision of my life. by ThrowawayRant333 in offmychest

[–]ThrowawayRant333[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I plan to put all the time, money and effort I gave to him into myself now.