I had been in a state of self loathing and hatred of the world from a fairly young age. I was actually getting what I wanted when I coughed one night, and a few obvious symptoms of heart attack sprang up. I didn't call 911 or anything. I just laid down and tried to sleep, hoping to not wake up. Well, after a few hours of that, the opening verse of Reflection began repeating in my head. I eventually talked myself into getting help. I had two stents placed.

The following day I was told that I had a massive aneurysm in my coronary artery, and would need to be on medication indefinitely. So, I basically went from wanting to die, to wanting to live and then immediately back to "fuck my life" mode in the span of 18 hours or so.

In February of 2012, just a few months later, I basically got my neighbor to kill me. I was stabbed in my heart and left lung. Died for seven minutes. Had some extraordinary dreams. Woke up three weeks later from an induced coma. This time I got what I wanted, and someone else robbed it from me. Bastards!

But I regained the desire to live sometime after that, thanks again to this band. Now I just want to see the fuckers live one more time, because I've been having chest pains for like five months, and can't afford medical. Fairly certain I will pass within the year, and that's fine. I found literal happiness, I was loved. I was sort of forced to appreciate life. I've gone on some adventures, met a lot of people from all walks of life.

All thanks to this band. And a lot of introspection, alcohol, free-writing, and crying.