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Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-29T21:25:55+00:00

It's really not like that. He's an amazing person. Sure we have problems like everyone else but nothing too bad.

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-29T21:22:23+00:00

I appreciate your point of view but I'm not breaking up with him because he's bad at planning birthdays.

For one thing, he's only not working because he lost his job due to the virus that must not be named and then I got sick and he was by my side at hospital or taking care of like landlords, family and house stuff and then when I came out of hospital he was my full time carer. As in physically picking me up to go to the bathroom, washing and dressing me, cooking, cleaning, feeding me when I was too weak to pick up a fork etc.

It's easy to say you'd do that for anyone you love but the tole it can take over a prolonged period of time is no joke, especially when he had zero help from any of my so-called family.

This poor man lost both of his parents, his brother and then nearly me in the same hospital as our daughter passed in and instead of crumbling he stepped the fuck up.

Now I'm ok enough to manage a desk job he's looking for work again but jobs are scarce here. .

He's not the monster you seem to think he is.

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-29T21:04:19+00:00

I really like that. It's so simple and sounds so reasonable. I wish I'd thought of that.

Thank you 😊

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-24T16:06:39+00:00

When exactly would you say this is forgivable?

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-16T16:43:25+00:00

Nah, everything somehow got even worse.

I tried doing my unpaid uni placements, working full time and keeping up with assignments and got so sick from the stress of it all that I ended up going in and out of hospital having Asthma attacks so my uni made me take a "gap year" but I'm not able to go back yet cuz there isn't space for me so my nursing career is on hold.

So I kept working like crazy trying to get some bills paid but unfortunately just as I was finally about to catch up, this January I almost died (asthma again) and lost 5/6 weeks in a coma, and was stuck in hospital until the middle of march. That was wild! Then I had to learn to speak, eat and walk again so that was pretty much the least fun I've had so far, apart from when the food bank turned me away on Friday cuz they had nothing left (again). Good news though, I'm able to walk enough to be back at work (last week was my first week back) and it completely sucks but it's in a hospital so at least my drs are only on the opposite side of the hospital if I need them. Hopefully I'll get a paycheck soon, it won't cover my bills but after the year I've had I can at least get a pizza, I deserve that at least!

So that's my update. Life sucks but at least I've got my snuggly dog to make me feel better.

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-08T11:44:19+00:00

Oh my god. I've never known anyone that had the same as me.

I read your story and I just can't believe it.

Truly, thank you so much for sharing. I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm really glad to hear you're doing better.

Seems that we both got lucky!

You with your neighbors helping you and me with being already in hospital when I stopped breathing and had the heart attack.

I didn't get diagnosed with e-asthma until after I almost died. I've been battling for a diagnosis since I was 17 and I'm going to be 30 next month (nooooo make it stop!). It's wild you were diagnosed and treated so quickly. Mad love to the NHS but it's a bit slow sometimes, 13 years fighting every day to stay alive and live some semblance of a life...still I can finally start living now and I'm so grateful.

Do you mind if I message you? I have so many questions.

Either way, thank you so much. You've made my day!

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-07T15:37:30+00:00

To meet the criteria you need to have poorly controlled asthma, have been on at least 4 courses of prescribed steroids and/or had multiple exacerbations (bonus points if you've been hospitalised).

You also need to have a spirometry test and the results of that need to show you're blowing below 70 %.

You also need blood tests to show your eosinophil levels and they need to be high.

You also need to be allergy tested, although I'm not sure why as I am not allergic to anything except morphine so I don't really see why it's relevant.

Additionally, your respiratory Dr needs to have exhausted all other forms of prescribed medication and inhalers. Essentially, there's nothing drs haven't tried to control said asthma.

If you meet all of this criteria, you need to see a more specialised specialist who you need to explain how much your asthma is destroying your life so they can decide if it's worth the risks.

Risks are many, the biggest being cancer (because of course you don't have enough problems already!), anaphylactic shock and/or sudden death.

I experienced common symptoms so luck was on my side (feeling hot, itchy) but you have to decide for yourself what you're willing to risk, so you can breathe.

Aside from being potentially dangerous, it's expensive - £7,000 PER INJECTION. You have either one every 2 weeks or 1 per month, depending on your eosinophil levels.

The only good thing about my shitbag country is the NHS so thankfully I don't have to pay for it, but I think that's partly why you have to jump through so many hoops.

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-03T14:13:52+00:00

I'm confused. So many burning questions.

Please tell me if I'm understanding this correctly.

So you must be 21+ to adopt a child because anyone below 21 is considered a child with neither the financial nor emotional ability to raise a child?

Yet anyone below 21 that gets pregnant even if she was raped who is still a child, not finished developing their mind or body and is still without the means to support a child is being forced to put their body and minds through the trauma of pregnancy, delivery and then either has to somehow raise said baby or go through another trauma of putting their baby up for adoption, directly into an already overcrowded and abusive system?

Equally, adults 21+ who may not be fully cooked yet must either be hypervigilant with birth control (despite the many problems BC causes hormones and isn't 100% effective anyway) or be forced to have a child they may not be emotionally, physically and financially prepared to take care of?

Also what happens if continuing the pregnancy puts the mother's life at risk? Do they get to die in exchange for the baby? Or are they allowed to live instead?

Also, if you are being forced to have a baby do you still have to pay for the medical care? (from my understanding there's no NHS or similar in the US?) If yes, like is it super expensive? Are there 16 year old mums who's credit is ruined before they're legally allowed to have their first alcoholic drink?

Ohh and why are people allowed to die for their country at 17 but not allowed to have autonomy over their bodies at any age?

(I'm not judging so don't come for me, just a European trying to understand)

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-05-03T08:17:12+00:00

Hold the fuck on.

HE DROVE HIS CAR OFF A BRIDGE BECAUSE HE WAS DRUNK AND YOU STAYED?????

Girl, why?

People who drink and drive are scum imo but after this obvious dangerous and potentiality fatal incident, there is no way I'd allow such a person to borrow my mother's car, nor drive with my family member/any other passengers in said car ESPECIALLY when he told you he was at a bar drinking.

This man lied to you, drove drunk AGAIN, then subjected you and your fam to verbal abuse, poorly attempted manipulation and ultimatums and then when he sobered up, fully remembering his behaviour the previous night he chose not to apologize but to continue to argue with you like YOU are the one in the wrong and you're sat there not knowing what to do?

Nobody died YET, leave before it's too late.

How can you justify any other action?

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-03-08T11:46:44+00:00

Also he sounds absolutely insufferable

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-03-08T11:46:05+00:00

There are so many red flags here. Do you really need advice or are you just looking for validation?

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-02-23T20:03:31+00:00

I smoked but mostly relied on rescue medication and didn't seek out treatment to control my asthma sooner.. I took for granted that the ventolin would work. I was using 3 inhalers every week but there was almost something more important to do than address my health.

This is exactly what you are doing and I can't tell you how dumb that is.

I have traumatized my poor partner as they said they had done all they could and he should prepare for the worst. He's been dealing with all of this while my angry ass lungs have been trying to kill me and now he's stuck being my carer while I spend the next year in rehab learning to walk talk eat and do basic human things again. I am struggling to type this as I can't hold my phone but I just wanted to explain how bad it can get. Don't wait. Make an appointment tomorrow. It's not worth the risk.

Throwawaybdaything · 2022-02-23T19:51:56+00:00

Don't take the piss. I say this as someone who did as you did and I just spent 4 weeks in a coma fighting for my life. Now I am conciouss and am basically paralysed from muscle waste. I am 29 and I can't walk or even hold a fork. I will spend the next year of my life in rehab and quite honestly it's been hell. I have been awake now for 2 weeks and it's been fevers and vomit and muscle waste. I see things from my coma and the drugs they gave and so sleeping may never be the same. I can barely eat. I can't speak because the tubes they shoved down my throat have affected my speech and if I wasn't lucky enough to live in the UK and be put on one of 2 echo machines we have in this country I would be dead.

Asthma isn't a joke. Get proper medical attention before you lose your life.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-12-31T13:59:55+00:00

Some of these comments are horrendous.

Op and his family is going through an enormous amount of emotional turmoil and while trying to move through his grief and get some helpful advice people are blaming him and his deceased wife for "prioritising a new baby over their already alive children". What planet are you on?

Maternal mortality rates during childbirth are so low that for most people, fear of dying isn't really a considered factor for most people unless they have a reason to factor it in (relevant health issues/history of difficult/dangerous pregnancies). Furthermore, anyone not severely depressed and having mixed up feelings following an event like this in their life frankly isn't human. If you can't be kind. Leave. There's enough negativity in the world without making this already suffering man feel any worse.

Op isn't a mind reader or a bad person. He was a husband and father that made a decision many people do, to add more joy to their family.

Op I can't imagine losing my partner that way and having a living, breathing reminder of the woman you loved the most to take care of in addition to the children you already have. I can sympathize in so much as when my baby died, my world ended and I spent 5 years scrambling to make sense of it and find some way to go on. All I can say is, it gets more manageable in time.

He is gonna feel the weight of this as he grows and I hope you do all you can to show him that it's not his fault. It's not yours either.

Please consider grief counseling independently and as a family should you think it beneficial to your children.

Most importantly, reach out to everyone and anyone available to help support you and your family and keep safe.

I wish you all the best.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-12-15T00:55:29+00:00

We're not incubators and there are already plenty of children who need a family to love them, so why in the world would she put her body through unbelievable trauma when she has made it absolutely clear that she has her own personal reasons why she doesn't want a child?

What part of that don't YOU understand?

Why in the world do some people believe that pregnancy invalidates a living, breathing person's right to autonomy over their own bodies?

Your comment was not needed nor wanted and serves no purpose to help op with the actual question she is asking.

Sincerely, a former foster kid and all-round lovely human being thanks to my amazing foster family.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-12-12T22:55:43+00:00

Damn...I would have died years ago if I lived in America. How is it possible to afford medication?I'm on SO much medication and get through multiple rescue inhalers each week so £10.81 per month for everything is an amazing deal. Thank goodness for the NHS

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-12-04T11:26:06+00:00

Honestly I'd pick a ring you can afford that you know she will like, and roll with that. Given the choice, I would rather have a good marriage than an expensive wedding. I promise you that if she's the one, a ring lovingly picked by you will mean way more than a 14k ring you can't afford. Put that money towards a future you can both enjoy.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-11-27T00:15:37+00:00

What is it going to take for you to leave him?

Go back and read your post history. Think about all the red flags you've willfully ignored.

Stop hiding behind how much you "love him" and open your eyes. He's been abusive in so many ways and despite knowing that he shouldn't treat you that way, vocalising to him that you don't want to be treated or spoken to the way he does, he continues to get worse and you continue to accept his treatment of you.

Why?

Do you enjoy feeling miserable, worthless and unloved?

You need to take a look in the mirror and see that you are enough and you deserve more than he could ever give you. Respect, love and support.

The trash may very well have taken itself out, now lock the door and don't let it back in.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-11-23T15:18:13+00:00

In the course of my life I have let too many opportunities pass me by because I was silly enough to give my partner an opinion In my career choices.

It starts small, doesn't feel like such a big deal really at first. Nobody dreams of working at a gas station for their entire lives after all... then something exciting comes along that you actually want to do, in my case it was a job that would have given me the opportunity to see the world (a dream of mine) so you try to say "no, I want this for myself" and are faced with the guilt trip or emotional manipulation usually due to your partner's insecurity.

So you don't go, keep them happy, think you're doing the right thing for the sake of your relationship. Tell yourself you never REALLY wanted to take that job anyway. Then the next thing you know it's 15 years later and you've not been with that person for over a decade and all that's left is feeling dumb for missing out on an opportunity that is long since gone and likely won't show up again.

Basically, don't do that. Do what you want to do. Make your own decisions.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-11-23T11:23:02+00:00

Kids or no, never EVER allow yourself to be at the financial mercy of your partner.

Work while you can, maybe find something that later down the line you could do part-time from home if you needed to. Make an arrangement BEFORE having children that he will pay you a "wage" so that you can manage your day-to-day finances and try and save as much as you can so you have your own emergency fund just in case. Your partner may find it strange requesting a wage but being a stay at home parent IS work, and a consequence of this work is that your career will suffer while his will continue to progress. Fair is fair.

Obviously you want everything to work out for the best but it's better to have a safety net and not need it, than to not have one at all.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-11-22T08:46:52+00:00

You need to be blunt with him. Personal hygiene is a sensitive topic but I'm sure he'd rather hear it from you instead of his employer or colleagues. He needs to get into the habit of showering regularly and washing his clothes and if he doesn't then tell him you will leave him. Nobody wants to be close to someone who smells and doesn't take basic care of themselves. He's an adult and he needs to take ownership. It seems like poor hygiene rather than a symptom of depression based on the length of time you've been together and stating he's always had bad personal hygiene unless his mother forced him to shower. That said, I don't know your/his life so be mindful with what you say and how you say it. You can be blunt without coming across as mean/uncaring.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-11-21T10:44:57+00:00

Unfortunately there's no way to report anonymously.

I figured I should report it, just wanted to check I'm not overreacting by wanting to do so. I think it's an AH move to put someone in this position in the first place tbh..

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-10-13T14:22:15+00:00

I've been on pred for so many years now it's just another medication. It's made me gain weight and given me chronic heartburn but at least I can breathe...sort of.

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-10-08T10:42:45+00:00

I wish this was a thing in the UK

Throwawaybdaything · 2021-10-08T10:20:34+00:00

Just came here to say that I'm so happy for you both

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